April Showers bring May Flowers
It's hard to believe how quickly time passes, sometimes. What happened last spring is why I drafted this in October with intentions to post it then. And now, in two weeks and a few days, April will already be back again! I came across the below passage today from my "Streams in the Desert" calendar and knew it was time to completely finish and share what was put on my heart last spring, especially since it would've been Clark David's 29th birthday today!
"God sometimes does influence us with a simple touch or feeling, but not so we would act on the feeling. If the touch is from Him, He will then provide sufficient evidence to confirm it beyond the slightest doubt. Consider the beautiful story of Jeremiah, when he felt God leading him to purchase the field at Anathoth. He did not act on his initial feeling but waited for God to completely fulfill His words to him before taking action. Then once his cousin came to him, bringing the external evidence of God's direction by making a proposal for the purchase, he responded and said, "I knew that this was the word of the LORD" (Jeremiah 32:8).
I know...this is a very lengthy post. If you make it to the end, the last picture of little Clark David in a patch of buttercups, as I call them, was such a fresh reminder the Lord gave me. Those bright, sunshiny blooms were popping up all around our acreage and out of the blue two people sent me pictures of their buttercups. So they were on my mind. I went outside and picked a bouquet. As I dusted the framed picture of Clark David, I noticed the buttercups he was in. As I sat the birthday bouquet down by the picture, God showed me how I need to keep persevering because He is always faithful and bringing dead or dormant things to new life. It takes time. Also, there’s a music video at the end of the men that worked in our basement that was such a blessing to me.
The spring flowers I planted last year finally thrived in the month of October. They were in full bloom and looked better than they had all spring and summer long! I do not have a green thumb, so I was so surprised to see the verbena in the window boxes had cascaded over the edges in blossoms of purple. The 'Miami Pink' bougainvillea almost glowed in the evenings, and providentially a baby lantana decided to sprout on the week of the ninth anniversary of Clark David's earthly death. It was planted at least two years ago, but never took off and then reappeared that week in October (2023).
Whether it's an idiom, English proverb, poem, or an age-old saying I don't know, but you've probably heard the title of this post. April showers bring May flowers.
"It's a reminder that even the most unpleasant of things, in this case the heavy rains of April, can bring about very enjoyable things indeed--even an abundance of flowers in May. It's also a lesson in patience, and one that remains valid today. Many of life's greatest things come only to those who wait, and by patiently and happily enduring the clouds and damp April, you can find yourself more easily able to take in the sights and smells of May.
The reality of Jesus' death producing new life parallels with the thought of sunshine following a season of gloom and sadness. Like April showers bringing May flowers."
(April showers bring May flowers article by Chaplain Lt. Col. Milton Johnson April 12, 2012 www.army.mil)
The title of this post and the meaning behind it came to my mind...not in May, but July when Chad brought home a plant that he and I were eager to see bloom. One of his customers that grows them every year offered one to Chad and told him it would produce large blooms, wilt, die, and a new bloom appear the next day. He gladly brought it home because he knew I would love it because it was pink (I think it's a hardy hibiscus, a.k.a., a luna pink swirl). The light pink bloom rapidly blossomed with almost one appearing each day after it wilted just as the man had said. As you can see above, it has stunning, salad-plate sized showy blossoms. It was like God handed me a tangible gift, through Chad's hands, revealing maturity of God doing another new thing through rain and flowers (My February & April 2019 posts are also about rain and flowers -"You can see the rain, but can you see the flowers?). But I would not realize this until one day when I snapped the picture above of the massive bloom and pondered on that luna pink swirl.
You see, when a sizeable portion of my heart felt like it had been ripped out of me in 2014, "gloom and sadness" remained. Even though my world seemed to stop revolving, of course life went on. I slowly, very slowly, started to adjust and accept my life had changed forever this side of eternity. But weighty trials followed. Isn't that life? Hills and valleys. And not just a mountaintop experience and then a valley much later, but hills and valleys happening at the same time just like a roller coaster. I'm sure you've experienced your own weighty trials because life is full of them. Naturally, some heavier than others.
Tucker's wedding was definitely a mountain top moment in spite of the adversary trying to steer me into a deep valley (see March 16, 2023 post). It was such a special, uplifting event for our family that was much needed since 2014, but still I wondered if I would ever see a silver lining. Many of life's greatest things come only to those who wait. It has been a lesson in patience, but the Lord has given me the strength to patiently wait (and He still is).
April 26th a trial of a different nature was imposed on our home which was the catalyst God used to show me visibly that silver lining. You couldn't completely understand even if I told you how God has used water in so many ways to teach me things. It reminds me of Joseph Habedanks song titled, "WONDERS WITH WATERS." (click to listen). The Lord really does do wonders with water!!!
The Wednesday church service I attended that April night was over, so I got in my vehicle and started to head home, looked down, and saw an incoming call from Tucker. Now married and living in a new place he had been on the phone with his dad when their conversation was cut short. So, Tucker phoned me to fill me in and explained there was an abrupt ending when Chad said, "Tucker, I gotta go!" Tucker said, "I'm not sure what happened, just let me know Mom when you get home if I need to come help." Later, I was informed that Chad's astonishment was due to thinking he smelled something burning and heard something frying (hold that thought).
Unknowingly to me, Tucker was tracking me on LIFE360 App and much later he would ask why I was "going so slow." I thought that was funny considering when he still lived at home I used to track him sometimes and ask why he was "going so fast." I saw no need to hurry and wasn't alarmed. I figured if it was a big deal Chad wouldn't have left Tucker hanging like that. Moments later, I got a text from Tess. When I could look, the text said, "Don't be alarmed, but I think our house is flooding." That was thoughtful of her to caution me, but coming from someone who said she murdered a cat, but instead ran over him...I wasn't fazed. However, I was anxious to see what was going on.
I casually walked into the mudroom from the garage to a continuous set of three loud beeps--beep, beep, beep as I approached the kitchen to find Chad with a large squeegee, squeegeeing a considerable amount of water off the kitchen floor out the door onto the deck. I tried not to ask many questions because I could see the mood was intense. Tess was helping do what she could too and all the while the blaring noise continued. After I found out that the water filter under the kitchen sink connected to the main source had burst (yes, burst!), I asked about the basement. They hadn't yet had time to make it back down there, but I could hear a noise over the loud alarms. I walked downstairs, turned the corner, and to my surprise it looked like it was raining from the ceiling! It's main landing spot was on the boy's ping pong table from years gone by. As the water splattered on the table, I got in high gear moving everything I could. No longer contained on the table, it spilled onto the floor and glided like hot lava soaking everything in its path. Later that evening, the clean-up was sufficient enough for us to call it a night. Trickles from the ceiling to the floor could still be heard, but there was nothing left to do at this point. Chad filled me in on the details as we headed to bed. He thought the noise he heard was me cooking after I had gotten home from church at 8 p.m. LOL! Nope! That sound (of bacon frying up in a pan ha, ha) he heard from the stairwell, notified his brain something had to be burning. But it was just smoke detectors gone haywire from a 30-minute continuous flow of gushing water that soaked their insides!
Unfortunately, ServPro came within two days to give it a go on drying the floors out which we firmly believed wouldn't help. FYI, it didn't! Hearing the name ServPro always brings back bad memories. They came to our house October 6, 2014. No one wants that service at their house for the reason they came. I'm grateful this time was a different scenario, but with huge noisy heaters and loud fans that ran 24/7 for five days we were all ready for that to stop!! Now, I know these are only "first world problems." I'm very grateful the situation wasn't worse, and we were only dealing with material things and not anything more devasting, but I hope they never have to come back.
Even though I wasn't fazed that Wednesday night, I've been fazed!!! More than once!! Maybe you have too. If not yet, hang on...you will be. And if you have been, get ready because they'll be something else around the corner; it comes with the territory sooner or later. But no one in their right mind asks for trouble however, Jesus said in John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." The Holy Bible also says in Job 5:6-7 NIV: "For hardship does not spring from the soil, nor does trouble sprout from the ground. Yet man is born to trouble as surely as sparks fly upward." The Message Bible says: "Don't blame fate when things go wrong - trouble doesn't come from nowhere. It's human! Mortals are born and bred for trouble, as certainly as sparks fly upward."
Fast forward...we got word from our insurance company that all hardwood floors on the main level and laminate in the basement would need to be ripped up along with all baseboards. The kitchen cabinets and island had to be pulled up too and kitchen and living room would have to be painted. The majority of the basement needed painted, and new ceiling tiles put in the great room. God had shaken things up yet again. For me though, this was minor and trivial compared to the trials that have taken my breath away and caused heart-wrenching pain. This trial caused no pain; but still, I didn't welcome it or like it!
Naturally, this wasn't anything as portentous as losing a child to suicide, having another child hospitalized due to depression, self-harm, and suicidal ideation, my own marital troubles, and hospitalization from trauma and sleep deprivation. Anyone would take this lesser surprise any day, but we aren't in charge. We cannot pick and choose and thankfully we don't have to. We would never choose these things that God allows and/or brings into our lives. But He rules and reigns supreme and certainly knows what we don't. And He knows what we need when we need it. He actually causes and allows it because of His great love. We were about to get a whole different kind of overhaul in our home. It wasn't an extreme home makeover. But it was definitely a home makeover. It might sound appealing to some after 15 years to change things up a bit and get a new look, but I liked it like it was. I was content with the inside. Materialistically speaking, I didn't want a remodel or think it was needed. BUT GOD! He saw it differently, allowed that filter to break, "flooded" the house, and we had to adjust accordingly, like it or not!
The ripping up of all the floors basically throughout the whole house and piles of wood laying around reminded me of the cataclysm that took place over nine years ago. The wreckage and rubble of God shaking my world in 2014 is still a work in progress. It's been arduous and heartbreaking of course on top of the afflictions that followed, but the difference in October nine years ago versus last April is I knew something needed to change in 2014. I prayed for change because I wasn't content; something was amiss, and I felt it. I didn't welcome the answer to the prayer because it wasn't what I wanted. My child was gone, never to return!!!!!! But the answer to the prayer wasn't up to me. The pain was almost unbearable and so much aftermath to sort through. Gratefully, with this storm there wasn't devasting pain and even though there was aftermath it didn't compare. You've probably heard it said, "Be careful what you pray for." I would add, "Be careful what you don't pray for." Father God knows what He's doing, and His timing is right on time. Maybe you can relate from the afflictions God has allowed in your life. Life happens, and we have to adjust. Like it or not! Or we better adjust, or we miss out. If we choose apathy and aloofness without our troubles changing us to serve the purposes of God, we waste our sufferings and never see what God wanted to do in and through us.
"May none of us who grieve ever squander any available opportunity to see God redemptively use our most costly personal asset, our sorrow, for our own good and His glory (www.listeningtohim.org -April 16, 2023).
It was like a breath of fresh air meeting Jonathon (and his wife, Tasha) and his crew from Monk's Flooring. Of course, first meeting them, I knew nothing about them. Through conversations though, I would learn he and his employees that worked at our house were Christians, born-again believers, not "Cultural Christians." *Cultural Christianity is not true Christianity (more below). When Jonathon arrived the first day to get the guys started, he and I talked briefly. One thing led to another, and he told me his crew were the real deal and they played Christian music while they worked (you don't hear that every day). Later the subject came up about how he hired them which was encouraging to hear. I guess because I showed interest and the conversation flowed easily, he felt comfortable to share this. He said, "I normally don't go around saying this to just anyone." As we conversed back and forth, he shared his own personal story of how he grew up in church and thought he was saved versus when he truly changed and became a Christ-follower and developed a close relationship with the Lord. It was uplifting and made me feel at ease (not that I was nervous) and anxious for them to get to work.
Their first day on site I vividly remember hearing a song that was in Spanish (or Mexican, I don't know the difference because I only know English). However, I heard one word I knew. "Hallelujah!" I was told years ago it's a universal word spoken the same in all languages. Most languages don't translate this word and it means "praise Yah" or praise Yahweh (God)(Jehovah). As I heard that word through music, I immediately gasped to myself with surprise! It so touched me that I quickly got out my phone and recorded it. See the basement is where something horrific happened all those years ago and it was like I was witnessing God come in and do a new thing. Instead of my breath being taken away from shock of an unwelcomed surprise years ago, He was giving me a visual of restoring and redeeming this space in a sense by sending the hands and feet of Jesus through these Christian workers as praise to God with music that permeated throughout the basement. Also, a visual reminder of my future in Christ to come.
For me, it was another picture of how God is intricately and intimately involved in our lives and how He sends encouragement to keep pressing on. During the time of renovation, I was listening to Rick Burgess' Bible study online on my daily walk. After I heard the "hallelujah" in the song which means "praise," my ears perked up when I heard Rick mention that same word. He talked about the meaning of "hallelujah" and how it's praise for both the good and bad of what happens in our life. I researched and found this below:
The Lord must be glorified, for that is our calling as Christ followers. Given, then, that the intent of the word Hallelujah is to glorify, its referent must include both the low as well as the high, since the actions of the Lord are perceived by us both as bad and as good. Death, for example, is generally perceived by us as bad. However, death is a provision of the Lord and, as such, it belongs to the Lord and is, therefore, to be praised. Hallelujah most commonly experienced as a liturgical command, as a prelude to something wonderful (and that is deliberate with regard to the word), but it should also be accepted in melancholy mode, almost indeed as a dirge (by Dr. Dikkon Eberhart, crosswalk.com - What is the Meaning of the Word Hallelujah?). I was amazed at God's timing once again.
It was pleasant to see the guys smiles as they greeted me each morning. Several days passed, and I got to meet and talk to Daniel, I think was his name. I thanked him (and the other workers) for doing such a good job and told him how wonderful it was to hear the music resound through our home while they worked (off and on for three weeks). As the dismantling of the floors happened in the basement and the concrete was exposed, the words from Isaiah 41:10 I had written on the foundation when we were building this house, were clearly seen. "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." It was such a comfort to see God's faithfulness and read the truth He always speaks from His Word directly to me. He knows us and how fear can set in, but He promises He is always with us and will provide what we need and be right by our side! All this was such a picture of what He is doing in my life and the lives of His children because He loves us beyond measure. Daniel had noticed the verse when I asked if he saw it. I explained the significance of it to me because of what had happened to my son and how I sensed the workers being used by God as a blessing to me and our home. His eyes lit up and I could tell my words resonated with him and encouraged him. What Jonathon said proved to be true. They were excellent workers and men of character.
That same week I was on the phone with a dear friend and told her about what had gone on the day I heard the "hallelujah" rising up from the stairwell. She said: "That is so refreshing to hear coming from the basement...hammering and sawing and Christian music. That just all goes together...Jesus was a carpenter." I chuckled and thought, yeah so true. That does all go together; I hadn't thought of that. But He was in the business of building, remaking, and reconstructing the old into the new and continues to do that with those that are His.
That's what happens in all of our lives that are true Christians. He sanctifies us through trials and gets us ready to meet Him. But He also readies our heavenly Home, similar to how He was getting our basement ready to live in again. However, He tells us we will have trouble because we're born into it, but then in John 14:1-3 He says, "Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me (Jesus). In My Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also." He goes to prepare us a room and when He is ready, He will come back for us. He is designing a room specifically and uniquely for each one of His children and will soon call us Home though none know when. Of course, you have to be His child to get that privilege and reward.
Unlike what the world tells us, universalism is not truth. It's a lie from Satan. Not all people go to Heaven. Hell is real and many people will live there forever in torment. Why would the Bible say, "You can enter true life only through the narrow gate." ?? The gate to Hell is very wide, and there is plenty of room on that road that leads there. Many people go that way. But the gate that opens the way to true life is narrow. And the road that leads there is hard to follow. Only a few people find it (Matthew 7:13-14). The Bible warns and says that because the Bible (God's Word) is the only truth there is. His Word is the authority.
Don't believe that lie from Satan, the deceiver, that tells you you're okay because you're not like so and so or your "good" will outweigh your bad. No one is good but one, God! The Bible says that in Mark 10:18. You can look for yourself. Also, all our righteous acts are like filthy rags. It says that in Isaiah 64:6. You can look that up too. So many are deceived into thinking their religiosity will be their ticket. Many people think, oh a loving God would never send me to Hell...I'm not so bad. What many don't realize is God is also a God of justice and wrath to those who oppose Him. In Matthew 7:21 ERV it says: "Not everyone who calls me Lord will enter God's kingdom. The only people who will enter are those who do what my Father in Heaven wants. On the Last Day (judgment day) many will call Me, Lord. They will say, 'Lord, Lord, by the power of your name we spoke for God. And by Your name we forced out demons and did many miracles. Then I will tell those people clearly, 'Get away from me, you people who do wrong. I never knew you." It will be too late and contrary to popular belief by a false religion, there are no second chances and no such thing as purgatory. That's a lie from Satan. Go read Luke 16:25-31. Scripture is clear on that. Go to YouTube and type in Mike Gendron, Ex-Catholic Exposes TWISTED Teachings (click link to YouTube). He is an ex-Catholic who loves people but hates what is false, so he and his wife go around spreading the Truth. There is a plethora of videos to check out for yourself.
Jonathon wasn't on site working every day, but one particular day he came and had to move a few ceiling tiles and found an object. Later, he handed me a skinny, wooden bat with Mobile Bay Bears written on it as he said, "I found this in the ceiling." Immediately, I recognized it, smiled, and thought of Clark David! It was bittersweet. Jonathon had no idea of course what came to my mind when he handed me a simple bat, but it was like he handed me a part of Clark David. I told Jonathon it was my son's who had passed away nine years ago. I smiled and said I would for sure be find out about the bat story and let him know. So much is wrapped up in that bat.
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There had not been a new tangible memory of Clark David in a long time, so this was like a hidden treasure. I didn't know what God was up to, if anything. Clark David had gotten that as a souvenir when he was in 7th grade maybe when he visited his cousin in Mobile and went to that team's baseball game. I wondered why in the world was it in the ceiling?! I texted Tucker. Oh, he was familiar with it alright. In my mind, I thought Clark David put it up there because Tucker had agitated him with it because stuff like that had happened...as anyone knows that has more than one child. But no! Tucker informed me that he put it up there because Clark David had been hitting him with it. Oh my!!! Sibling rivalry :(.
The next day when Jonathon came back, interestingly, he asked where the breaker box was. That led us to Clark David's bedroom closet, a place I used to be on my knees in prayer when my heart was so burdened for myself, my family, and others after he passed away. I cannot adequately describe the moment, but Jonathon asked, "Oh, did you find out about the bat?" as we stood in Clark David's room unbeknownst to Jonathon whose room it was. I was the given the opportunity to share Clark David's story through my eyes in the location of his last breath on Earth. That was so special to me (a small silver lining). Jonathon listened intently. Then he shared a story with me that came full circle that blessed us both. It's amazing how God orchestrates these divine moments and can use anything to strike up a conversation (no pun intended ;)). He isn't in everything, but every good thing surely does point back to Him (Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow, James 1:17).
When you're in your late 50's and have experienced life like I have, or maybe life like you have, you understand a partial house flooding is nothing! I mean yeah, it was annoying at times, especially the five days of drying time but that is nothing compared to very difficult things we all go through. I remember someone saying I'd been so patient with all this. I thought, this is easy stuff for me. God always supplies grace, but this was small. He has given me yet another glimpse of His handiwork. Hopefully, you can relate to the trials that have come into your life. If not, the Lord Jesus waits for you to hear His call to you in the midst of life and desires for you to worship Him and submit to Him in faith, to completely trust in Him and nothing else. Jesus plus nothing.
We all experience hardships in life; some are mild in comparisons to others. Some we bring on ourselves unknowingly, I think. Some are brought on by others (unknowingly too, I think) because of selfishness many times and ignorance. I don't say that condescendingly. All the word "ignorance" means is a lack of knowledge, education, or awareness. But as the late Adrain Rogers once said, "Education is costly, but ignorance will cost you far, far more." Because of ignorance, we cannot calculate the ripple effects of what we do (whether bad or good). Still, some hardships are beyond our control completely. Regardless of how they come, the severity of them or lack thereof, scripture is clear that God providently causes and allows them all. Just look at Jesus on the cross.
With everything that I had witnessed with the men tearing things apart and putting them back together, it reminded me of Revelation Chapter 21 where John talks about the new Heaven and the new Earth and specifically verse three that states, "And he that sat upon the throne said, 'Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me (John), Write: for these words are true and faithful." I've mentioned it several times in my writing how this particular verse was impressed upon my heart years ago and has been a theme throughout my Christian journey.
Well, as I went on my walk, I pulled up Rick again from Wednesday on Thursday October 5th. Providently, it was on my favorite chapter, 21! Since Clark David's Heaven going, the Lord is still using his life to teach and change me. It's taken the love of the world out of me as I have said before. My heart longs and sometimes aches for Heaven, but no longer because Clark David is there, because King Jesus is!! He is what makes Heaven, Heaven. Jesus is my forever reward and Clark David is a forever added bonus! Yes, I live on Earth now temporarily like we all do, but this fallen place is not all there is. It's a blip on the radar. My Home is somewhere I've not been yet. I'm grateful the Lord gives me eyes to see what really matters and gave me His Word to show me how I should be living my life. And I'm grateful He gave me the Holy Spirit at salvation to be my Helper. I encourage you to listen about the new Heaven and new Earth on YouTube below.
The week I originally wrote this post, I read a quote from Kay Robertson (Duck Dynasty) and Lisa Robertson who is Miss Kay's daughter-in-law about their new book, "Sister Roar" that said: "We could have kept the story to ourselves, but when God gives you a story, he also gives you the strength and courage to tell the world about it. Whatever your story is, no matter how messy, it has the power to change lives (emphasis mine). We pray it will encourage you to let God turn your story into a powerful roar that continues to bring beauty from the ashes." I agree that they could have kept quiet, and God gave them the strength and courage to tell the world, and God can turn a story around to bring beauty from the ashes because it can be the instrument God uses to change someone. But, based on God's word, the power comes from the gospel (For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God to salvation for everyone who believes...Romans 1:16 (emphasis mine).
I keep coming across similar words about sharing our stories lately and feel it's the Lord nudging me to share this blog on Facebook for the first time. He always affirms what He puts on my heart in different ways, but also speaks to me through His own Word to make it crystal clear. He did just that October 9, 2023, as I was getting ready to attend a memorial service on the same day in the same place as Clark David's visitation nine years ago. The scripture I read that day was from Psalm 9:1 (ERV) that said:
I will praise you, Lord, with all my heart. I will tell about the wonderful things you have done.
The last week of May 2020, I received a call from Dominic Kendell who had previously been the youth minister for Tucker and Tess (my middle son and youngest daughter) where our family were members of Northbrook Baptist Church in Cullman, Alabama at the time. Dominic didn't know Clark David but became well acquainted with our family through Clark David's earthly death. Dominic wanted to know if I would consider being interviewed by, he and Luke Criss, his co-host for their podcast channel "Here's the Deal." 3 He then mentioned he'd been thinking and praying about a title and would I be okay with "Sanctified through Suicide?" As that question and those three words came out of his mouth, I knew this was orchestrated by the Lord because only He and I knew in that moment how that title resonated with me. The Lord had also affirmed many times through His Word what He calls us as Christ-followers to do. "Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). Basically, we're to turn to God in our pain, not away from Him so He can comfort and help us through our trials and then we're able to help others by pointing them to the Source of comfort and help in time of need to give them the Hope that we have in Jesus Christ. He teaches us to have compassion and concern for others like Jesus does for us. Also, the late Ray Stedman stated, "But sometimes it (suffering) is granted to us because it is a high and holy privilege we have of doing what Paul calls 'sharing the sufferings of Christ, filling up that which is lacking in the sufferings of Christ, for his body's sake, which is the church,'(Colossians1:24)." So, I didn't have to think about it or pray. I knew this had been filtered through God's hands too and agreed to do it.
The podcast I was interviewed in in 2020 came up in a conversation with a friend and old neighbor October 8th last year that I've not talked to in years! She asked if I could send her the podcast. So, when I texted it to her, I started listening to it. I wanted to stop it at several points because I've heard it before and lived it and it's painful, but I kept listening. I was so grateful I finished it. I was like, "YES!" That's it!! God used Dominic's story about our basement, that I had previously shared with him, to bring to my attention God was doing another new thing. It was like an aha moment! God had given me a visual of "redeeming your basement." You see, it's not that it was taboo to enter Clark David's room, but no one really did. We thought of making it a weight or craft room, but nothing developed. Finally, much later, I moved a desk in his room for a place where I could write, I guess to kind of redeem the space. I went in it but no one else really did.
So, after the "rains" came and the basement was finished we had to move so they could start ripping up all the hardwoods on the main level. Have you ever moved, but not moved?! We moved, but to our own basement ;). A new guest had already been sleeping in Tucker's old bed for a year prior to the flood. Tess had met DJ where she went to college, but he was from Georgia so on the weekends he commuted and stayed with us. He was here for about two months each weekend and slept in the third bed in the great room before Tucker moved out in May. So, when Tucker's room was empty, I asked DJ if he wanted to move in there so he would have a room with a door. So, he did. Fast forward. When we had to revamp and move to the basement, Tess slept in Tucker's room, DJ on the sofa (because we no longer needed a third bed downstairs), and we moved to Clark David's bed. From my perspective, it was like we were sort of forced to be in his room. Life was back in his bed. His bed was no longer empty.
Once we moved back upstairs, we asked DJ to move to Clark David's room because Tucker and Maddy needed to come over and stay the night because of potentially dangerous storms in their area. So now, DJ was sleeping in Clark David's bed. Much later in my ponderings, it hit me. New life was in his bed. Not just a breathing body was in his bed but a new life breathing in his bed. DJ was alive but had a dead spirt before he got saved and became a born-again Christ follower not long after he and Tess met. I saw this as a big-time silver lining!!
Of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God--and righteousness and sanctification and redemption (1 Corinthians 1:30 emphasis mine).
I firmly believe Satan has used people and circumstances to try and get me focused in the wrong direction and silence my voice since the podcast was made public June 8, 2020. There is a lot packed into that sentence right there. A lot has happened! A LOT of hard stuff!!! BUT GOD!!!! He knew what all would take place and what all had to take place to get me to this point. Are you familiar with the woman at the well story? The Samaritan woman, never named, in the Bible from John 4:1-42 story? Many people are, but if you're not go read it if you want to. It's packed full of truth. My Bible study group recently came to this passage, and something stood out to me as it hadn't before. After Jesus confronted her and she believed, it was the importance of her testimony that was the catalyst to leading other people to believe in Jesus Christ for salvation. She had to be courageous, bold, and unashamed of Christ to go and tell what had happened in her life. Then, her story made an impact on others, but it was not the power of her story that changed them. The power came from hearing Jesus' words. Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God (Romans 10:17).
"The story of the woman at the well is a rich example of love, truth, redemption, and acceptance. And best of all, not only does Jesus accept her, but He accepts us, too. He wants us all in His holy kingdom --if only we, too, believe." (Who was the Woman at the Well in the Bible? Story and Significance by Jessica Brodie). I would add, it's not only about believing who Jesus is but it's believing in Him and accepting by grace through faith His free gift of salvation. Ask Him. Repent and turn to Christ for forgiveness of sins. Troubles in this life will continue to intensify...are you ready for the Lord's return?
Here is my testimony (in the podcast below) that I pray may be the catalyst to someone else surrendering his or her life to Jesus Christ because they have heard His Word, which is the Truth, and repentance of sin follows. If you're saved from judgment because of the blood of Jesus that covers your sins, I pray my testimony can be a source of encouragement, hope, and joy in the midst of your devastation and or loss!
#25 -Sanctified through Suicide- Interview w/ Beth Heaton (click link)
Forty-three minutes into the podcast Dominic stated: "You can let the enemy quarantine off your basement...or you can take what the enemy meant for evil and you can allow that place that is a reminder of sorrow and death and pain to rather be used as a platform for joy and for the pushing of the name of Jesus, the exalting of Jesus, the exalting of His name and make much of life and joy and life abundant out of a place that if nothing were to change would just be a hard reminder of death...(through the girl's Bible study) the Lord has redeemed your basement, that space in your home..."
I was like, "YES!" That's it!!
I continue to be in awe of how God orchestrates our coming and going. I left the house Tuesday to do some errands. Almost a mile from home I realized I forgot my bracelets. No big deal! I could have gone without them, but I felt the Lord was using that to get me to turn around, so I did. As soon as I drove up and got out, I saw a car turning in the driveway. It was a neighbor from down the road. She had noticed the purple verbena from the road and wanted to know what kind of flower it was. That gave us an opportunity to chit chat. Moments later I pointed to the baby lantana to draw her attention there. I mentioned the fickleness of lantana and how it doesn't always return. She laughed in agreement and reached for her phone to show me a picture of a huge lantana plant at her friend's house she had planted and how it was thriving this season. Then I said, "I thought that lantana was never coming back so I planted that creeping jenny there (telling the story of where it came from) and look." She said, "It needed a friend." I had not thought of that. I chuckled and said, "Good point." I went on to share about how the lantana popped up the week of the anniversary of Clark David's earthly death and how that was such a picture to me of the new life we're promised in Christ.
Later as her words came back to me, I thought yeah, isn't that like life?! We need friends to help us, encourage us, stick by our side, so we can grow and thrive. We start out as babies, but with proper care, nourishment, and love we keep growing. It takes 20-30 years to become a mature 20 or 30-year-old. And even then, we have more maturing to do not realizing until we're lots older how much further we really had to go if we're not prideful to think we didn't (if we're granted that length of life). The Lord also showed me how He used His creation of flowers to draw someone to my house and then I got to sprinkle seeds of truth, not knowing if they will take root and lay dormant one day to sprout new life.
It doesn't get any better or easier without you here Clark David. I'm living and thriving, but something is always missing.
Karen Harmening's words below convey my heart:
"The joy and sorrow are always together. I experience the joy fully, but in the midst of it the sorrow wells again and I miss you. I've heard warnings that if bereaved parents express missing their deceased child/ren "too much" they will cause their surviving children to feel less loved. And sort of opposite of that I've heard bereaved parents express fear that experiencing joy and celebrating life "too much" after their child's death means they somehow love their deceased child less."
"With those thoughts in mind I'm grateful that I have peace that you and your sisters all know that my love for each of you is forever continually the same, none greater than the other, and none ever diminishing the other. My loving and missing you in no way takes away from my love for them, and my loving, rejoicing with and celebrating them in no way diminishes my love for you. I will continue to love you the same until I see you again, and then I will love all four of you perfectly for the rest of eternity."
The Hope of eternity brings me the greatest joy. I am exceedingly thankful for the inexpressible joy of knowing that because of your faith and Hope in Jesus Christ, and ours, you are not behind us in our past, but very much before us in our future. With each passing day I am reminded I am one day closer to being with you again, and my heart leaps daily at that glorious thought.
But until then I want you to know I'm committed to living fully with your dad, sisters, brothers, Samuel and now Lauren Hope. I've got all your favorite books ready to read to Samuel and Lauren. We'll be talking a lot about Heaven and you, and how one day, in just a little while, we will all be together with you there.
So I'm writing this letter to you for myself more than anyone else. Just to remind myself of these things I know to be true, and to say I miss you.
I miss you every single day. But I'm missing you today, especially."--Karen Harmening (listeningtohim.com) click link to read Karen's post
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Happy "In the presence of the Lord" Birthday!!! "We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord" (2 Corinthians5:8). Wow, how I miss you. We celebrated you and your birthday at Downtown Grill tonight eating one of your favorites. I told Tucker, as I knew his mouth was watering when the waitress put the plate of hot wings in front of him, you would've been drooling for sure. One day soon...I will see you again and we both will be with Jesus with all God's children living happily ever after.
You have no idea how I cling to the verse I found in your cellphone notes when we finally got into your phone. Only you and God know why it was there, but I know God left it there for me! He is a detailed God and cares deeply for His own. It means more than you could ever know, Clark David. Yes, "The joy of the Lord is my strength (Nehemiah 8:10)." :)) Hallelujah! I love you and miss you still!!!! Of course, I always will. You are never far from my thoughts! I'm so grateful for those who can still say your name, tell me what you meant to them, and those who text me on the harder days to tell me they are praying for us and remembering us. To the one that said she celebrates your life with me and that you're in Heaven, safe in the arms of our Lord and Savior. To the one that remembers your comedy and you will never be forgotten. To the one who said I was a great mother and one day together again with you and Jesus I will be!! I am so grateful for those blessings today.
Click video to listen to the "hallelujah" and men at work in the basement. By the way, the men did a wonderful, professional job. That's saying a lot these days. We had no complaints.
"When the fires of affliction draw songs of praise from us, we are indeed purified, and our God is glorified (Just and true are Your ways, King of the ages - Revelation 15:3)." --Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman
*A "Cultural Christian" can say all day long they believe in God and believe in Jesus. I go to church. Check. I read my Bible. Check. I help others. Check. I give money. Check. I pray. Check (But really you cannot pray to the Father God that you don't know intimately). They can teach Sunday School. Check. But do they live a life of obedience to God's Word and truly love others? Are they going through the motions, or can you tell their life is different? Do they live for self and the things of the world to fulfill fleshly desires? Or do their desires and what they profess match who they claim to be? The Bible says one cannot love the world and love God. Are they unashamed of Him, tell others about Him, or do they love the world and the things of this world? I'm not talking about living a perfect life. Genuine Christians, called "saints" after salvation, can still sin. They are perfected in Christ, but as long as saints have flesh, they will not fully be perfected until they get glorified bodies after this life is over. A true Christian is one who has received and believed in the Lord Jesus Christ (John 1:12). It has everything to do with God's mercy and grace. Ephesians 2:8 says, "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this not your own doing; it is the gift of God. To "believe in the Lord Jesus Christ" is way more than an intellectual belief that He existed because even the demons believe and shudder (James 2:19). It means that you trust in Him for the forgiveness of your sins and repent and turn directions. You basically die to your old self and live to please the Lord. By believing, you cannot just say you believe and then there is no evidence of a changed life. Once your faith is put in the Lord Jesus and you let Him be master of your life, there will be evidence of someone who has died to the old life and is changing, walking in newness of life. The evidence is the fruit; love, joy, peace, kindness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). You will not automatically be sinless, but you will start sinning less because of the Holy Spirit deposited in you at the moment of salvation.
"We practice what we believe, all else is mere religious talk."
At the original draft of this post, the late, great Adrian Rogers' message aired on the radio, "The Birthmarks of the Believer." Listen to see if you can see evidence of your faith in Jesus Christ or if you need to repent of your sins and be born-again. Those that are not born from above will not escape the death penalty for his/her sins and will permanently reside in a real place called Hell in constant torment, forever!!!!!!! Friend, there's only two choices. Which one will you choose?
https://www.lwf.org/sermons/audio/birthmarks-of-the-believer-2103
