Brokenness...Butterflies...Beauty...and Blessings
It's hard for me to believe its been seven months since my last post, but God's timing is always perfect! Just when I think I will get back to writing, something happens. Life happens! The Enemy happens! Me happens! All that gets in the way. Or so I think it does. Well, it does, and that's why I have to stay connected to the Holy Spirit living within me and allow Him to control me. Starve my flesh nature and feed my Spirit nature, by renewing my mind daily, focusing on Him, seeking Him first ( Matthew 6:33). Denise, a dear friend, texted me this week, "God IS faithful when we focus on His will rather than our own...that's the daily...hourly...minute by minute struggle." God tries to keep telling me I must see all life's "interruptions" as divine appointments. And remember the quote I memorized, "It's not life and its difficulties we must conquer, but the self in us." God orchestrates everything and He wants me to see Him in everything. He uses all these things to help me pass His tests. Just now my daughter came in the room to show me some slime she was making. She said, "Mom, am I interrupting your thoughts?" (I laughed inside and thought oh, that's a constant in life. The phone, the dryer, what someone did or didn't do, said or didn't say, whatever it may be, God is in control of it all and trying to teach me something, but when will I learn? I can see why people go away to a quite location to write! ;)). So, instead of telling her I was busy, I looked at the newest creation of slime she'd been creating. It was a pretty hue of yellow and as she walked away I turned to look out the window and a beautiful yellow butterfly flitted by. God in everything! Always right on time, but when I least expect it. Am I looking for Him and seeing His love for me? Am I allowing Him to mold me into who He wants me to be? Or am I too focused on me leading me? I passed that test, but will I pass the next?
I'm not sure who this may help, (if anyone) if it's just me than that's okay because it does. It's definitely therapeutic. As I've trusted the Lord in the midst of my brokenness. He has put so much on my heart and I want to share it and leave the rest to Him.
Before March 16, 2015, I really didn't care for butterflies that much. I never wanted anything with a butterfly on it. That changed! Tucker (my middle son) and Tess (the youngest and only daughter) know that and now point them out to me! :)
Five months after the death of my first born son entering his heavenly Home, his earthly birthday March 14, 2015 arrived. Two days later, the headstone for his spot in the Earth was ready to be set. The second hardest day of my life. I will spare all the details here (I get on some people's nerves I'm so detailed ;)), but it was a very difficult but special time. As I walked around the cemetery waiting for the men to finish and for it to dry, I stopped at a friend's relatives grave and noticed the beautiful fresh flowers covering it. I noticed a butterfly land by my feet. I gazed intently at it and then it fluttered away. . .
As I returned home and checked the mailbox (most of the cards had stopped coming by then) there were two cards addressed to me. The first one was from another dear friend, Karen. She didn't have a clue what perfect timing. It was meant for Clark David's birthday, but it was delivered by the hand of God right when I needed it the most! A word from the Lord to help comfort my hurting heart. The second card, to my surprise, was a pink, blue, and gold card in the shape of a butterfly of all things. Inside I would find another message delivered by God through Linda Miller that read, "When I don't know what to say, I say "Praying for you today and I am." Underneath, Deuteronomy 2:7. I immediately went to look that up in my Bible and it read, "The LORD your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He has watched over your journey through this vast wilderness. These 40 years the LORD your God has been with you and you have not lacked anything." I was amazed! I had never read that verse before and it's definitely not one you see printed on things. Only God knows how much I needed that verse, still do, and how His Word carries me through this vast wilderness; this unsettled, uncultivated region of death and suicide. The what if's, should'ves, and could'ves grew dim by meditating on that verse. Even though that verse is speaking to the Israelites, it still applies to me today, and God was proving to me "I lacked nothing." Even though I don't completely understand God's will, He supplied and is supplying me with everything I needed and will need to be who He has called me to be. I've mentioned God's messages to me in previous posts and this was the beginning of His butterfly blessings to me.
April 3, 2015, the four of us traveled to the Tennessee Aquarium. We visited the butterfly garden and while there, a butterfly landed on Tucker's finger. Tess was jealous and wanted one to land on her too :) It was a funny moment and funnier what Tucker said, but I took a quick picture. Of course at the time I didn't know to tap the screen on my phone to make it focus, so the butterfly is a little blurry, but I never noticed it's broken wing.
Last year, October 6, 2016 at 6:14 p.m. I had another encounter with a butterfly. It landed on a beautiful purple butterfly bush that hours earlier was dropped off at our home by the Thompson family in memory of our separation from Clark David. It was so thoughtful of them and meant so much to me and how timely; it's blooming today :) After closer observation, I noticed its wing was also damaged. That got me to thinking. These butterflies are similar to people's lives. Their lives are pictures of ours really (Google it and see the articles). Spiritually speaking, we are entangled in sin by birth (Psalm 51:5), like being wrapped up in a cocoon. If we accept Jesus, we are born again, our "chains fall off" and we are set free; like breaking free from the cocoon when the timing is perfect for the pupa to become a beautiful butterfly. But as 1 Peter1:6-7 states, if necessary, we will be grieved by various trials so that the tested genuineness of our faith...may be found to result in praise and glory to Christ.
In the season of sorrow, God has shown me He has to break us to remake us. This love relationship with Jesus is like our relationships in life. There's a lot of good and sometimes a lot of "bad." It's a HARD LOVE! What we see as bad, God sees as good. He sees what it has the potential to produce. Most of us are living broken lives. If we aren't now, we will be. That's just how God designed life. HILLS AND VALLEYS. If we let Him have control of everything, God will use all of it for our growth, then we'll be able to help other people thrive (fly) even though we ourselves are damaged (flying around with an injured wing). It's been said a person cannot be used significantly by God until he's been hurt deeply. Those that cement themselves to God when troubles come are being made into something beautiful to be used by God to advance His causes. Sadly, others get trapped, (never freed from the cocoon) caught up in the ways of the world and never quite escape its grip. They die spiritually and are never truly who God designed them to be, however those that live spiritually are being made new. God's specialty...making all things new (Revelation 21:5).
I asked Chad (my husband) to plant the butterfly bush close to the garage, a spot I could enjoy seeing them come(see Rainbow Surprise post to further explain). Last year, after I took the picture at the top of this post, I noticed a butterfly fluttering around in the garage (the last place I saw Clark David). In our almost nine years here, I'd never before seen a butterfly in the garage. As I gently guided it outside, I stopped. God reminded that this beautiful yellow butterfly, His creation, was whole. No brokenness. It was flawless and free! Just like Clark David now, completely whole,
FORGIVEN, FLAWLESS, and FREE...
MADE NEW;
what we all are or can be in Christ Jesus.
He makes THE BROKEN BEAUTIFUL.
"You are my salvation, I will not fear. You're the strength of my life, I won't fear. You hold my head up. I'm alive in You again. I'm made new.
As this song, Hard LOVE says, "A part of you has to die to change...you've gotta burn your old self away. Hold on tight a little longer. What don't kill you makes you stronger. Get back up cause it's a Hard LOVE. You can't change without a fall out. It's going to hurt, but don't you slow down, get back up, 'cause it's a Hard LOVE. You know the situation can't be right and all you ever do is fight but there's a reason why the road is long. It takes some time to make your courage strong. Hold on tight a little longer...it's a Hard LOVE. When the wolves come and hunt me down I will face them all and stand my ground 'cause there's a fire burnin' in me. They will see my strength in this love I'v found...
It's a HARD LOVE!
As I returned home and checked the mailbox (most of the cards had stopped coming by then) there were two cards addressed to me. The first one was from another dear friend, Karen. She didn't have a clue what perfect timing. It was meant for Clark David's birthday, but it was delivered by the hand of God right when I needed it the most! A word from the Lord to help comfort my hurting heart. The second card, to my surprise, was a pink, blue, and gold card in the shape of a butterfly of all things. Inside I would find another message delivered by God through Linda Miller that read, "When I don't know what to say, I say "Praying for you today and I am." Underneath, Deuteronomy 2:7. I immediately went to look that up in my Bible and it read, "The LORD your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He has watched over your journey through this vast wilderness. These 40 years the LORD your God has been with you and you have not lacked anything." I was amazed! I had never read that verse before and it's definitely not one you see printed on things. Only God knows how much I needed that verse, still do, and how His Word carries me through this vast wilderness; this unsettled, uncultivated region of death and suicide. The what if's, should'ves, and could'ves grew dim by meditating on that verse. Even though that verse is speaking to the Israelites, it still applies to me today, and God was proving to me "I lacked nothing." Even though I don't completely understand God's will, He supplied and is supplying me with everything I needed and will need to be who He has called me to be. I've mentioned God's messages to me in previous posts and this was the beginning of His butterfly blessings to me.
April 3, 2015, the four of us traveled to the Tennessee Aquarium. We visited the butterfly garden and while there, a butterfly landed on Tucker's finger. Tess was jealous and wanted one to land on her too :) It was a funny moment and funnier what Tucker said, but I took a quick picture. Of course at the time I didn't know to tap the screen on my phone to make it focus, so the butterfly is a little blurry, but I never noticed it's broken wing.
Last year, October 6, 2016 at 6:14 p.m. I had another encounter with a butterfly. It landed on a beautiful purple butterfly bush that hours earlier was dropped off at our home by the Thompson family in memory of our separation from Clark David. It was so thoughtful of them and meant so much to me and how timely; it's blooming today :) After closer observation, I noticed its wing was also damaged. That got me to thinking. These butterflies are similar to people's lives. Their lives are pictures of ours really (Google it and see the articles). Spiritually speaking, we are entangled in sin by birth (Psalm 51:5), like being wrapped up in a cocoon. If we accept Jesus, we are born again, our "chains fall off" and we are set free; like breaking free from the cocoon when the timing is perfect for the pupa to become a beautiful butterfly. But as 1 Peter1:6-7 states, if necessary, we will be grieved by various trials so that the tested genuineness of our faith...may be found to result in praise and glory to Christ.
In the season of sorrow, God has shown me He has to break us to remake us. This love relationship with Jesus is like our relationships in life. There's a lot of good and sometimes a lot of "bad." It's a HARD LOVE! What we see as bad, God sees as good. He sees what it has the potential to produce. Most of us are living broken lives. If we aren't now, we will be. That's just how God designed life. HILLS AND VALLEYS. If we let Him have control of everything, God will use all of it for our growth, then we'll be able to help other people thrive (fly) even though we ourselves are damaged (flying around with an injured wing). It's been said a person cannot be used significantly by God until he's been hurt deeply. Those that cement themselves to God when troubles come are being made into something beautiful to be used by God to advance His causes. Sadly, others get trapped, (never freed from the cocoon) caught up in the ways of the world and never quite escape its grip. They die spiritually and are never truly who God designed them to be, however those that live spiritually are being made new. God's specialty...making all things new (Revelation 21:5).
I asked Chad (my husband) to plant the butterfly bush close to the garage, a spot I could enjoy seeing them come(see Rainbow Surprise post to further explain). Last year, after I took the picture at the top of this post, I noticed a butterfly fluttering around in the garage (the last place I saw Clark David). In our almost nine years here, I'd never before seen a butterfly in the garage. As I gently guided it outside, I stopped. God reminded that this beautiful yellow butterfly, His creation, was whole. No brokenness. It was flawless and free! Just like Clark David now, completely whole,
FORGIVEN, FLAWLESS, and FREE...
MADE NEW;
what we all are or can be in Christ Jesus.
He makes THE BROKEN BEAUTIFUL.
"You are my salvation, I will not fear. You're the strength of my life, I won't fear. You hold my head up. I'm alive in You again. I'm made new.
As this song, Hard LOVE says, "A part of you has to die to change...you've gotta burn your old self away. Hold on tight a little longer. What don't kill you makes you stronger. Get back up cause it's a Hard LOVE. You can't change without a fall out. It's going to hurt, but don't you slow down, get back up, 'cause it's a Hard LOVE. You know the situation can't be right and all you ever do is fight but there's a reason why the road is long. It takes some time to make your courage strong. Hold on tight a little longer...it's a Hard LOVE. When the wolves come and hunt me down I will face them all and stand my ground 'cause there's a fire burnin' in me. They will see my strength in this love I'v found...
It's a HARD LOVE!
God stirs my affections toward Him through music. The story He continues writing on my heart, we share together through songs. Only He and I understand those thoughts, but listen and you may hear Him speak to you too. My story, written through song, can be heard by clicking on highlighted words.
For our present troubles are small and won't last long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever
(2 Corinthians 4:17-18 NLT).
We wait in hope for the LORD; He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. May Your unfailing love be with us, LORD, even as we put our hope in You (Psalm 33:20-22 NIV).
Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD (Psalm 150:6).
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
If you are battling with depression, addiction, or suicidal thoughts, please know YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You are not weak for admitting your need for help! You are not a burden to anyone! Don't believe the lies in your head! YOU ARE LOVED, but more importantly, you are loved by God, your Maker. Help IS available. Choose to talk to someone, share your feelings and get help!
For our present troubles are small and won't last long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever
(2 Corinthians 4:17-18 NLT).
We wait in hope for the LORD; He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. May Your unfailing love be with us, LORD, even as we put our hope in You (Psalm 33:20-22 NIV).
Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD (Psalm 150:6).
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
If you are battling with depression, addiction, or suicidal thoughts, please know YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You are not weak for admitting your need for help! You are not a burden to anyone! Don't believe the lies in your head! YOU ARE LOVED, but more importantly, you are loved by God, your Maker. Help IS available. Choose to talk to someone, share your feelings and get help!
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