In Loving Memory of Those Who are No Longer with Us 
But Forever in Our Hearts

 If you wind up here, I pray the Lord use this to speak to you in some way, but this is really to help me and to be obedient to what I feel the Holy Spirit leads me to do.

 For reasons not known to me, it seems I'm compelled to write on the anniversary of Clark David's earthly death and birthday's more than other times. It's like it forces or propels me to get out what's on my mind. It's partially therapeutic, however I do feel called by God to write. And it’s amazing how He affirms that to me. 

 I wanted to publish this particular post before the other three I posted last October (2022), but honestly, I didn't want anyone that might read this that knows me (it's not like many people probably read this anyway and that's okay!) to think my focus at Tucker's wedding was missing Clark David. Clark David's absence was a fact and I missed him. But that was not my focus. Loss can make life difficult to navigate through sometimes. I posted about the excitement of Tucker's wedding and two other posts right after that that easily flowed out. But I hadn't yet written what had been on my heart so heavy concerning the emptiness I felt and conflicts that arose only a few people new about that weekend. Do I have to write about that? No! But do I keep feeling prompted to? Yes! Like I mentioned, it's for me, but maybe for other purposes I don't know about. And when I say "emptiness," I'm not talking about completely feeling empty like containing nothing. I'm talking about marked by the absence of human life. The absence of my son's life at such a monumental time.

Sometime last year prior to the wedding, I listened to one of Rick Burgess' Wednesday Bible studies and he referenced the number eight, its significance in God's Word, and its meaning of "new beginnings." I cannot recall if I'd heard that before, but upon hearing it at that specific time, I became keenly aware of what it meant to me. Naturally, I knew I was in year eight without Clark David because if I made it to October 6, 2022, it would be eight full years since I'd seen his handsome face. Eight years since I'd seen his smile that lit up his face. Eight years of not hearing his voice. Eight plus years of not touching him because that didn't happen often. Eight whole years of not seeing his human body and missing him (every day). Period!!!!!!!! So, having heard that about the number enlightened me. I was led to write about it in my October 5, 2022 post, specifically about the more monumental things like Tucker getting married and DJ coming into Tess's life which I saw as "new beginnings" for our family since our tragedy of "losing" Clark David. Of course, life goes on whether we want it to or not. That's beside the point. And I do want it to go on, it's just a different type of going on. I know I don't have a choice in the matter and wouldn't change it even if I could. Each day is one day closer to Home for me. And "Father knows best” (haha a sitcom in the 70's ;). But my Father does know best! God was showing me in small and big ways, both physically and spiritually, that "new beginnings" were happening. Not to mention that DJ came to a saving knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ and was born-again!  A glorious "new beginning." Brand new. All glory be to Christ!!!!!!!!

As I excitedly anticipated Tucker's wedding, especially as it got closer, I was so grateful the Lord allowed Maddy to be the bride Tucker chose. It was bittersweet for me though. Clark David wasn't here to witness and be a part of this significant event in our family's life. I missed him not getting to witness his little brother get married to his best friend, Maddy. It hurt to know, this side of eternity, he would never meet her and get to know her. I wanted him to know he is still in my heart (of course never to part). I wanted him to know I wore my silver pendant of his thumb print (given to me by Beth Evans who lost her son before me) dangling from my pearl bracelet in his memory. His grandmother got my attention before we walked down the aisle and showed me, she too had her bracelet on :). I wanted him to know I missed him being in the wedding. I wanted him to know there was a memory table with a picture of him and Tucker displayed that Tucker hand-picked. The bridesmaid's and I got to view the memory table together and that was a touching moment. I want him to know, no one has forgotten; life just goes on. I mean I know I cannot tell him that and there's no need to even if I could. It's all handled by Almighty God; His fingerprints are dangling all over it.

During Rick's Bible study, he also talked about similar feelings and thoughts he had in regard to the loss of his two-year old son. He talked about how he was watching his older son play in a baseball game. As his son rounded the base and he saw the back of his jersey with "Burgess" on it, it resonated with him that he would never get to see his son, Bronner, play baseball (not that that was Rick's focus of his son's life). As he watched, it's as if he heard the Lord say to him, "Bronner was never going to play baseball or do any of the other things you wished he would." In that moment, for me, I thought yes, that's right. God knew the number of Clark David's days, and nothing can thwart that allotted time. Nothing. God is completely 100 percent sovereign. That is a fundamental truth of the character of God. Clark David was never supposed to be on Earth at this time nor anytime passed October 6, 2014. Period. I had already come to that knowledge and accepted it, but hearing Rick share his heart brought me comfort and it was so timely. 

Also, side note... no one or nothing is to blame. Like if we can find someone or something to blame it might somehow make us feel better to have a concrete answer. No! The secret things belong to God it says in Deuteronomy 29:29 and His ways are beyond finding (look it up, don't take my word for it). But isn't that what we can do many times?! Play God and then try to blame? Just like Adam and Eve in the Garden with their Father God. Eve blamed the serpent God made. And Adam blamed God for giving him a woman. God is God. Do you ever cross paths with people who think they know the secret things? Like things only God can know? How prideful we human beings are. The Bible says, which is the truth of what God says because it's God-breathed (2 Timothy 3:16). He works all things according to the counsel of His will (Ephesians 1:11). All things according to the counsel of His will.  Not my will, nor yours, or what anyone else thinks (will), but His will! Sometimes it's not His perfect will but is His permissive will. It's still His will. As Nancy Guthrie said in her book, has anyone stopped to blame sin? Newsflash: Through one man Adam sin came into the world. Sin is to blame for what we try to blame others for. 

Just prior to the actual wedding ceremony in hot, sweltering July, the bride, clothed in her wedding dress was standing in a field of tall grass for a photo shoot. I noticed from a distance as I peered out of the plate glass windows in the bridal suite that the photographer seemed to be messing with the layers of tulle on Maddy's dress a lot. When Maddy returned to the suite, though still beautiful, she was glistening with perspiration and quickly squealed but not with delight. "Get them out, get them out!" While in the field, those lovely layers of delicate white tulle had invaded some tiny, green critters habitat...grasshoppers! And they did what grasshoppers do. Hopped right on up in the underside of her dress. She needed them out, and quickly! The ceremony was fast approaching. I know those grasshoppers naturally shifted Maddy's focus momentarily because she could feel them and those tiny critters no doubt made her anxious and perspire some more. However, help came to the rescue as we quickly squashed them, and time was on her side to cool off. They could've wreaked a little more havoc by causing us to spend extra time exterminating them if Maddy would have had to remove her dress. No doubt that would've caused more anxiety and perspiration due to time constraints, but that didn't happen. And Maddy did not let that upset her. She seemed calm, collected, and cool (thanks also to the air conditioning). 

 Even though it was such a wonderful time, and I enjoyed preparing for the rehearsal dinner and festivities centered around the wedding, there were things happening behind the scenes to try and "shift my point of view." Before Clark David passed away there were a couple of special Scriptures I held dear and still do. One was Revelation 21:5 about how God is making all things new. And He is. But after my world was shaken by his earthly death, John 10:10 became pronounced to my spiritual eyes.

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly (John 10:10).

When all was over and everything settled down after the wedding, I had time to reflect on the kindness and goodness of my heavenly Father and His faithfulness to me. God used those little critters as a picture to show me that's just what the devil does. He tries to get us focused on something other than where our focus should be. He's always trying to wreak so much havoc in Christians lives. We have to learn his tactics and be aware of his M. O. "Satan does not tempt us just to make us do wrong things -- he tempts us to make us lose what God has put into us through regeneration, namely, the possibility of being of value to God. He does not come to us on the premise of tempting us to sin, but on the premise of shifting our point of view and only the Spirit of God can detect this as a temptation of the devil," (quote taken My Utmost for His Highest-September 18 His Temptation and Ours, Oswald Chambers). 

The Holy Spirit is my Helper. He continues to help me to see a different perspective as I keep in step with Him. I can only keep in step with Him when I obey Him and feed my Spirit and starve my flesh. My flesh, just like yours, wants what it wants. My flesh can also get angry when it shouldn't or have bad thoughts that it shouldn't. I have to ask the Lord to help me have self-control as Galatians 5:23 says. I'm still learning to recognize the enemy's tactics and not react but respond differently. Anything or anyway he can, he tries to lure us to believe his lies and steer us in another direction which can easily tempt us to let our emotions be the engine that fuels our focus. There's nothing wrong with expressing God-given emotions in a God honoring way. He gave them to us for His purposes, but as I've heard my sister say, "Emotions make bad bus drivers." We’re either a conduit for the enemy or a conduit for the Holy Spirit. A conduit for the devil was used to get to me flustered and in a pit just moments before walking down the aisle for Tucker's wedding. As hard enough as it was without Clark David (for me), the enemy did not deter me or steal one bit of my joy that day. BUT GOD! He fights my battles and quickly came to my rescue. Praise Him!!

God was bringing a male and female together through Holy Matrimony to be husband and wife, so it was a time for celebration of what the Triune God was joining together. Another side note...God does not bring a male and male or female and female together as one. That is not what God says marriage is, therefore, it's not a marriage. It's actually blasphemy against a holy God, but I digressed. The reason I mentioned John 10:10 is because anytime the Lord is moving, the devil's on the hunt. Which is all the time basically. Scripture says our adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walks about seeking whom he may devour (1 Peter 5:8). The Lord helped me to dodge the darts of the enemy. He helped me be sober (well balanced and self-disciplined). Satan or his minions tried to take so much from me that weekend it was mind boggling. He's already tried to take so much. Key word is "tried." See, he didn't succeed, he didn't pounce on me, and he hasn't succeeded. By. The. Way. In God's economy, God always has a countermove. Just look at the cross! Satan will soon be squashed forever.

Yes, Satan is the prince of the ruler of the air (Ephesians 2:2), but he has to get permission from Headquarters before he can touch anyone or anything. God has Satan on a leash. The enemy couldn't get me focused on Clark David not being present, so he went another route. Unless someone has very good discernment, it would've been unrecognizable. Most of those closest to me were aware of what was going on, but praise God, the bride and groom were not until days later. The enemy thought he had one up his sleeve, but his plan failed. Backfired! In the book of James in the Bible it says, "Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you (James 4:7). It worked. I submitted. The devil fled. He is a defeated foe. He can wreak havoc all he is allowed to, but God had and has my back. He will always supply my every need when I submit to Him and draw near and keep my eyes where they need to be...on Him...looking to the Author and Finisher of my faith.

All glory be to Christ!!!

God still has His secrets--hidden from "wise and learned" (Luke 10:21).

Do not fear these unknown things, but be content to accept the things you cannot

understand and to wait patiently. In due time He will reveal the treasures of the

unknown to you--the riches of the glory of the mystery. Recognize that the mystery 

is simply the veil covering God's face. --Selected from "streams in the desert" March 14

So, don't get ahead of the Master and jump to conclusions with your judgments before all evidence is in. When he comes, he will bring out in the open and place in evidence all kinds of things we never even dreamed of--inner motives and purposes and prayers. Only then will any one of us get to hear the "Well done!" of God (1 Corinthians 4:5, The Message Bible).

Fully Dressed for the Occasion?

This blog was planned to be published in June 2019. It didn't happen. Later, I wanted to publish it on June 1, 2020, on Mr. & Mrs. Josh Reed's one year anniversary. So much was happening that year and continued to. I dismissed it; however, when I got back to writing this month, I reread what I had written and finalized it:

On June 1st of 2019, Chad and I had the blessed privilege of attending Josh's wedding. It was good to see Josh's smiling face and capture some memories together. Naturally, Josh and Summer were all dressed up in their wedding attire. Summer was beautiful and looked gorgeous in her wedding gown. Josh was looking so handsome for his bride-to-be. We enjoyed catching up briefly as we anticipated the wedding. The outdoor setting was so pretty and the ceremony Christ honoring. It was a joyful celebration of Holy Matrimony. 

 Upon arrival we were first greeted by Josh's mother, and she asked if we had seen the display of Clark's picture (they called him Clark) when we arrived, which we had not. She escorted us to it and from a distance I immediately saw the smile on his face. It was an emotion I cannot express. It was touching to see Clark David's picture along with the bride's friend, and Josh's grandmother displayed in remembrance of those absent, but still close to their hearts. Although it felt somewhat odd to be at this occasion without Clark David, we were honored to stand beside the old piano while his mom took a picture and be representatives of Clark David's presence.

When I received the wedding invitation, I started thinking about what I could give them for their new life together. Later, as I reflected on my life experiences, I was reminded of John 10:10. "The thief does not come except to steal, to kill, and to destroy. I (Jesus) have come that they may have life and have it more abundantly." My son's death by suicide had opened my spiritual eyes to a different world that I really had not previously experienced. Scripture became more personal to me, and God was showing me through His Word that we live in an unseen world. The "ruler of the power of the air" in Ephesians 2:2 which refers to Satan, is out to destroy any Christ-follower and Satan is on mission to destroy marriages because they're a picture of Jesus Christ and His Bride (the Church). 

 Satan would start his game plan to try everything in his power to destroy Josh and Summer's marriage. Satan hates God, marriage, and family because it's a portrayal of the Gospel (Ephesians 5:32). Satan does whatever he can to undermine any life and any marriage. The "loss" of my son has caused a more intimate prayer life (communication with my Heavenly Father), so I understand its importance and power behind it. That's one of the many thing's trials are designed by God to do, draw us closer to Him to make us more dependent on Him. We have a tendency to set our affections on the wrong thing and think we don't need Jesus Christ. Many times (without even knowing it) we want the giving, and the healing more than we want the Giver and the Healer. Scripture says, "The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much (James 5:16b). We need to be in direct communication with God, and His Word to fight the battles that will come against us. We have to first recognize the spiritual battle and know and understand the devil's tactics, so we won't be caught off guard. Then, prayer can be a powerful tool as we rely on Christ to help us live our life the way He intends. Prayer is the lifeline. So, I knew one of the things I wanted to give them to hopefully impact their new life together was "The Power of a Praying Husband" and "The Power of a Praying Wife" books by Stormie Omartian for each one. I would recommend these books to anyone. Mine has definitely helped me.

You name it...the possibilities are endless as to how Satan undermines families. He might induce a husband or wife to put too much emphasis on a career or to spend too much time pursuing houses, cars, and material wealth. He might introduce envy or jealousy or dishonesty into their relationship or entice one of them to be unfaithful to his or her mate. He can wait until the first fires of romantic love begin to fade and then plant whispers of doubt in their minds about the wisdom of their decision to marry. 

If these strategies don't work, he can use greed, lust, pornography, drug or alcohol addiction, or obsessive gambling to drive a wedge between them. He can stir up rebellion among the children. He can incite mom and dad to blame one another for their children's social problems or academic failures. He can employ social pressures, media messages, or rivalries between friends, neighbors, and relatives to bring out the worst in everybody. 

The key is to get you, your spouse, and your children to put love of self ahead of love for God and one another. Once that hairline fracture is introduced into the foundation of your family, it's only a matter of time before the entire structure starts to crumble - unless you take steps to reverse the process. There are a million different ways of doing this, and we can be sure that Satan is a master of them all. But we also have God's promise that Satan will flee from us if we're savvy to his wiles and have the gumption to resist his tricks (James 4:7; 1 Peter 5:8,9). --www.focusonthefamily.com (How the Devil Undermines the Home).  

 Satan is also a master at using distraction in many forms to get us away from the true Source of help. See, Satan wants you to be ignorant of God's Word and will keep you away from it at all costs. The Bible says, "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour (1 Peter 5:8). The Bible also says in Ephesians 6:12, "For our battle is not against flesh and blood (people), but against rulers, against authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against spiritual forces of evil in the heavens." You're in a battle whether you realize it or not. The battle is for your mind, marriage, and ultimately your life. 

There's a strategy for winning this battle though. But you have to be fully dressed for the occasion or a marriage will never be all God designed it to be  

Take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. Stand firm therefore, having girded your loins with [put on the belt of] truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints (Ephesians 6:13-18).

Once you understand that the Enemy attacks without warning, and you're made aware that there's protection to fight against this, that there's more than meets the eye, hopefully you will want to be fully dressed and armed.

The last sentence in Ephesians 6:18 calls us to pray. Prayer is what you need to be fully dressed for the occasion, for the battleground you will be stepping into. Prayer is the armor. The reason why prayer often seems difficult to us is because Satan seeks to direct us away from it. He knows how important it is. He will use every possible avenue to keep you from seriously communicating with God because he knows what prayer does --it activates Heaven's response on your behalf in accordance with the will of God. Prayer does not force God to do what is not His will, but it does release from God to us what is His will. And it is definitely His will for His people to wage victorious spiritual warfare (Prayers for Victory in Spiritual Warfare by Tony Evans).

"All day, every day, an invisible war rages around you --unseen, unheard, yet felt throughout every aspect of your life. A devoted, devilish enemy seeks to wreak havoc on everything that matters to you: your heart, your mind, your marriage, your children, your relationships, your resilience, your dreams, your destiny. But his battle plan depends on catching you unaware and unarmed. The enemy fails miserably when he meets someone dressed for the occasion." --Priscilla Shirer 

Are you fully dressed? 

Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10 NKJV) 

When I saw the above picture of Josh and Summer in the field, I thought about Isaiah 41:10 and 13 which I memorized years before Clark David passed away and how God brought it back to me. He promised to uphold me with His righteous right hand. In other words, that was God's right hand holding me up, but in Isaiah 41:13 He takes hold of my right hand and tells me not to fear, He will help. He holds my right hand and gives strength over fear and my enemies. Sadly, many times we move away from God, but He never let's go. He's always pursuing us and using trials and tribulations of life to draw us closer to Him and in turn each other. So, the image I saw was Josh reaching out to Summer with his right hand symbolizing strength, power, and leadership which is a picture of what God promises He'll be in our life when we let Him. I saw Josh silently saying to Summer, I will hold you up when you can't hold yourself up, I will be your support. Don't fear, I will help you (with God's help).

Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you (James 4:7, 8a).

For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh: so, then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate (Mark 10:7-9).

HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY, JOSH AND SUMMER! HAPPY SECOND ANNIVERSARY!! HAPPY THIRD ANNIVERSARY!!! 

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR LITTLE BABY GIRL ADDITION, Saylor Jay! :))

May the LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn His face toward you and give you peace (Numbers 6:24-26).

So today, in memory of Josh and Clark David's friendship and the day his friend's carried his earthly tent to rest...I clicked "publish" on this draft from 2019.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the LORD and depart from evil. It will be health to your flesh and strength to your bones (Proverbs 3:5-8).

He gives and takes away. My heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be Your name

BLESSED BE YOUR NAME  

(click all caps to play song)

https://tonyevans.org/know-jesus-christ/ 

You have to be born-again to have an open line of communication with 

God the Father. Prayer won't work unless you have come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ by being born-again and are living to please Him.  Click the above link to KNOW JESUS CHRIST and be guaranteed eternal life through Him and not be cast into Hell to pay for your sins for eternity. Praise the Lord if you've already been born-again to new life in Christ. You are fully dressed for any occasion.

"Memories: Let Them fill Your Mind,
Warm Your Heart and See You through"

Wow! I was wonderfully surprised this afternoon before our family headed out to dinner to gather in memory of Clark David. When Tess got home from work today (October 6) she came to find me, her smiling face appearing with a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a card in the other. In Tess style, she wanted me to read the card in front of her. I admired the colorful baby roses first and thanked her for them. I knew before I asked that the store-bought card was chosen simply because of the butterfly and what it represents to me, and that the word "memories" underneath made it the perfect one to pick for her written words for me. After "getting through" her heartfelt poem and prayer, I asked if I could share it. She nodded, yes:

                                            "Her baby was entrusted to her,

a gift she took with great delight,

19 years of laughter, 19 years of joy.

When he was taken from her, a part of her was too.

How could life continue?

(Stopping to wipe tears so I could see)

Some days she couldn't help but

feel her heart had been forsaken.

I pray God blesses her on the days 

she feels like breakin'.

Help her rise each time she falls.

Lord, send Your angels to be ever near

and dry her every tear.

(Stopping again)

On the days her own strength can't carry her, 

she lifts her burdens to the Lord.

He carries her on wings like eagles.

With Him she will continue to soar.

One day she will meet with her son again,

eternity of laughter, eternity of joy,

forever with her Savior and son.

And when it's been 10,000 years,

the days will still have just begun!

Oh, what joy awaits.

Help her heart to be patient, give her strength

even when she feels like breakin'.

For my beautiful Mama, a blessing she will always be,

I'll love her for all eternity.

I love you, Mama. I pray your heart doesn't ever grow weary because you have the assured hope of seeing your Lord and Savior & son, forever one day. Love, Tess

How could she know what my heart has never uttered? She's 19. She's never had a child. She has lots of wisdom and discernment though. It's like she wrote down what's inside my vulnerable heart that I couldn't. She expressed what my heart as felt and experienced. She verbalized what I haven't even written. I explained how waiting is one of the hardest things in life, but in Christ there is much reward. I thank You, Lord for covering me in Your cloud of grace and strengthening me with patience when I need it most. 

Loss doesn't get better with time. It doesn't get easier. No, it's not as grueling, so in that sense it's "better," but it's not better. Chad agreed as he said, "It's not like it was eight years ago." I agreed to that. That's definitely true. No one wants to go back to that kind of heart-wrenching day. The only way for me to describe it is, it's just different. Each birthday, each holiday, each anniversary is, well, different. Maybe Merriam-Webster 1828 can help me describe it. Different - partly or totally unlike in nature, form, or quality: dissimilar: not the same. All true. Different doesn't mean it's over, it doesn't mean I'm healed, it doesn't mean I don't think about it and him a lot. I'm not empty. I have joy and many good days and I'm grateful for much, but emptiness is present. God is so incredibly faithful as I sense His presence and nearness during more difficult days. I told Tess today, "God knew I would need a baby girl last." What a wonderful blessing and special lovingkindness from my precious daughter today. I'm always grateful for any family and friends who text or call and pray! The ones that say they've prayed all day!! It means a lot to be loved and remembered through prayer. Laura had a special text to me about Clark David's "laborious" tasks at their house when he worked for her husband Kenny. Oh, how I can just see and almost hear him...definitely funny memories to treasure. Thank You Father God...period. 

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new (2 Corinthians 5:17). 

"When Jesus comes, He will honor the request of those 

who refused Him and dismiss them for eternity.

Then He will bless the desire of those who accepted Him

and gather them for a family reunion."

 --Max Lucado, "You'll Get Through This" Devotional Calendar October 8

 

Out With the Old in With the New

There was no way around it; Chad's work van couldn't be fixed. Well, that's another story. It finally got fixed after six weeks, the day after the new one was purchased! So, as we emptied the old to set-up the new, Chad found this old picture tucked away in a drawer of his toolbox. He was unable to use the toolbox for years, until now. What a pleasant surprise to see the reappearance of this dated picture. It was taken Mother's Day, 2013. Tess was 10, Tucker 13, and Clark David 18. It's just like God to bring forth a reminder of that day with them and the memory of Clark David's "presence" October 1st, just five days before the eighth anniversary of his Heaven going which is always hard and bittersweet!

It's October 4th. Eyes open...4 a.m. Heart pounds. Heartbreak still deep it aches, but You Lord say...joy comes when I wake.

 Number eight means new beginnings. Without him eight years have passed, but big changes have come at last! From the debut of Darren Jay to Mr. and Mrs. Tucker Heaton's wedding day. The perfect "I do" created by You because when the time drew nigh, Pastor Jared lifted Your name high.   

   

In with the new van, out with the old. New motorcycle; broken and repaired bone.

New house, new loans. Old motorcycle gone. Period. Gone is the old life, Tucker's got a new wife (but there wasn't an old one ;))
"Get in Maddy Waddy Pumpkin Paddy"

 Sins confessed, removed as far as the East is from the West.
Two fly out of nest, one back in for rest.

  Our family down here is back to five, even though I cannot see or hear you Clark David I know you're alive! For Your new mercies Lord each day I'm elated, though from him I'm still separated. Your return in the clouds will soon be celebrated by those who love Your appearing and bending ear for trumpet hearing. 

Waiting for culmination is the hardest part, but Jesus, You cure the heart.

You redeem, reinhabit, and restore, no reason to want anything more.

Even though I miss him like crazy, there's no time for lazy. 

May we tell others about You before it's too late so they too can live anew. 

May You be glorified as we praise Your name above all others,

 while gathering sisters and brothers.

Even though new pictures with him I have none and will never on this side 

Hallelujah all that will be over "in the sweet by and by."

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YsLZGwbM-Vg (click link to listen)

Thank You, Heavenly Father, for reminding me You're always near and tend to me. Thank You for the promises of Your Word. Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5b).  One day soon it will be morning. Tragedies, trials, disappointments, and despair come, but they are all temporary to those who intimately know You. You will return for Your Bride the Church. You will take out (by fire) the old and bring in the new. You will make all wrong, right. Soon and very soon You will usher in the new Heaven and new Earth (Revelation 21:1).

"This sin-riddled world gives us many reasons to despair (John 16:33). Our own sin often brings God's discipline (Hebrews 12:7-8); Revelation 3:19). Heartaches, disappointments, and betrayals can leave us feeling shattered, and we may wonder if hope will never come again. So, God reminds us that joy comes in the morning. DARK NIGHTS CAN LAST A LONG TIME, BUT THEY ARE NEVER PERMANMENT FOR THOSE WHO ARE IN CHRIST (emphasis mine). Only God can take the very bad and transform it into something very good (Romans 8:28-29). Even when walking through "the valley of the shadow of death," we need fear no evil (Psalm 23:4). Our Good Shepherd never abandons us, and our suffering is always purposeful (Psalm 56:8). The Lord can take broken places in our lives and create a mosaic that blesses the world. It is often our darkest pain that becomes our brightest light when we entrust it to Him. Joy comes in the morning when we awaken to our purpose and see that even our sins and sorrows, and confusion have become the foundation upon which God builds a ministry."

I encourage you to read more from the quoted excerpt below about how King David understood that his sin and sorrows became the foundation upon which God built a ministry along with Paul and Jesus! Read how Jesus models for us what it means that joy comes in the morning. Click the link below.

https://www.gotquestions.org/joy-comes-in-the-morning.html 

 

 It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes. Psalm 119:71

 I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD. The LORD hath chastened me sore: but he hath not given me over unto death. Psalm 118:17-18

Artwork: Tess Heaton

When Jesus comes, He will honor the request of those 

who refused Him and dismiss them for eternity. 

Then He will bless the desire of those who accepted Him 

and gather them for a family reunion.

--Max Lucado, "You'll Get Through This" Devotional Calendar

 

       

 

Blanket of Love
Can God Speak Through a Blanket? A Lesson on Seeing God in Everything

 

 February, the month of love or love month many people refer to it as, is now behind us for another year. But my "blanket of love" blog post idea was brought back to mind. And the fact we've been using this blanket on cold winter nights, has caused me to think of it again. I planned to do a post in 2019, but the timing was never right. It's perfect timing now. The month of March.

 I've positioned myself in a place I never thought I would. A place that never crossed my mind, until a few months ago. God. Only God could do this. And He did. There's a story behind how He did it, but to save space and details for now, today (Sunday, March 13th) is the first time I find myself at a desk writing from Clark David's room, seated in the very spot where his lifeless body was found. See death entered his mind and heart that day, BUT GOD! The same place death was allowed to overtake him, God is bringing forth new life in many ways, and sizes. 

In Revelation 21:5 in the Holy Bible it says God is making all things new. That tells me He's in the process of making all things new. Of course, that's speaking of the new Heaven and the new Earth, but those that are *born-again believers are also being made new (2 Corinthians 5:17). So, if I'm a growing Christian that means I'm being made new which to me also means a new way of viewing things and a new way of thinking because I've been given the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16) and my mind is being renewed (Romans 12:2). 

As I entered his room to write Sunday, I turned on some Christian music first. As I sang the lyrics, I turned around to look outside and a red and black-spotted tiny creature caught my attention. A little ladybug was strolling about the trim around the window. About a month ago Zach the bug man, as I call him, came to spray. I had vacuumed Clark David's room and vacuumed the many dead ladybugs up. I had not seen them in any other room in our house. At first, I thought they're still here, as I went back to what I was doing. But then I stopped and thought wait, it's moving. Life. A sign of life! These ladybugs weren't dead. I saw it as God reminding me of what He already had several months before. He was going to do a new thing and bring new life from a place of death. I got curious. I Googled a couple different topics about ladybugs. Now some of it was far-fetched about ladybugs being spirit animals and good luck and such, but another search led to something that caught my attention, *"Can God Speak Through A Ladybug? A Lesson On Striving."  Margaret, the author of the article, ended her post with a question. When has God used an unexpected encounter with a small creature to awaken you to the wonder of God's presence and the work He's doing?  I thought, just now Margaret, just now! If my eyes and heart are open to what God is doing all around me, I will see Him in *"EVERYTHING."   Not literally in everything, but how He works in everything. No matter what God uses or what shape or size it comes in, I'm grateful He gives me eyes to see and ears to hear Him as His presence is made known to me.

In the winter of 2019, my husband and I joined a 7-week class at our church that went through a book many people are familiar with and if you've not read it, I'm certain you've heard of it by Gary Chapman. Chapman's book, "The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts" summary is this: "It shows couples how to make their love last by learning to recognize the unique way their partner feels love. We learn the remedy for all problems modern couples face. Dr. Gary Chapman is a marriage counselor who has found a proven method for making love last." Also, I read his favorite quote on this link, "True love cannot begin until the "in love" experience has run its course."  I disagree. True love cannot begin until both people are born-again believers because if we don't have the Helper, the Holy Spirit, living inside of us (received at salvation) we won't be able to love like Jesus commands us to. 

No offense at all to this widely known author/speaker who no doubt has helped lots of people, but upon further contemplation and seeking God's Word from the Author of love Himself on how He defines love (1 Corinthians 13) I saw several concerns to Chapman's book (Google "what's wrong with the five love languages," if you want and you might agree with things you find). And "the secret to love that lasts" is Jesus at the center, centered around God's Word. Jesus makes a love last. We have to get to truly know Jesus so Jesus can get into us so we can love others well. We cannot do this without the Holy Spirit, nor God's Word. That's a bold statement and tall order to say "We learn the remedy for all problems modern couples face." The remedy for all problems couples face or anyone for that matter is Jesus. Jesus has the answers that don't cost and arm and a leg either. Jesus is *"THE ANSWER."  

I've been seeing for quite some time where we've taken God, His Word the Bible, and His way of doing things out of so many areas of our lives, thinking we have a better way or don't need Him (until a crisis arises) and just do things like the world programs us to do. Just look around, if you haven't already at our government, schools, counseling clinics, and so on. Things aren't getting better by pushing God, His way, and His Book aside basically telling Him we don't need Him. We can handle it all, our way. And by the way, Chapman's series of books have sold more than 20 million copies worldwide and have been translated into 50 languages. Do you see more love in the world today? Are there less divorces? The author's intent I'm sure was from a pure heart, but for me, I see where it could potentially lead to a co-dependency relationship because we should never depend on another person to make us feel loved and keep our "love tank" full. By the way, what about single people? Who's going to meet their needs? Chapman may have a book for them too, but Jesus Christ is the only One who can fulfill and satisfy our God-given need for love and acceptance. He is also the only One who can truly love unconditionally. 

"We have a generation of folks who change books. They use this book for some things, they use human understanding for other things, they use popular opinion for other things and wind up living in distress." 

"The Bible has all the answers, but because folks change books, they have to have all these long meetings to try and come up with solutions. But no! You don't change books. You show them what God says about what's wrong (in your marriage, family, the nation) and give them practical steps to implement what God says (about your marriage, family, the nation). Then you ask the Holy Spirit to take their obedience and to bring about change in whatever the situation because God knows what He's doing when folks pay attention to what He says and begin to implement that." 

"The Holy Bible has become for many people like the Queen of England, she's got position but no power! Will carry it, will hold it up, will put in on our phones, but it does not have authority." --Tony Evans 

Mine and yours greatest need to be loved has been met. At the cross! It was met at the cross when Jesus bled and died to take away our sins. We can all go looking for love in all the wrong places sometimes, but when we meet Jesus Christ and He becomes Savior and Lord of our life, all the other relationships in our lives whether they be friends, family, or our spouse are just added bonuses to life. God uses them to change us. Don't get me wrong, relationships can bring much happiness and joy, but also many forms of heartache and pain. I've heard it once said that God designed marriage to attack our selfishness. I would add, He created all relationships to attack our selfishness and teach us how to love others by dying to ourselves, and by learning how to care for and serve others. Jesus Christ is our ultimate example of that. 

I'm grateful the Lord saw fit for us to attend that class though. There were pluses and minuses, and blessings received too. One blessing came from being asked to make a handmade gift for our spouse to be presented to him/her in front of the class at the last session. I was presented with a beautiful piece of furniture to display at the entryway of our home built by Chad that I have so enjoyed and will treasure for as long as I have it. It's special to me too because above it I hung a picture of all three of our children, Clark David in the center holding both Tucker and Tess' hand as they walked down the sidewalk, as if they were taking a stroll on the beach together. I never knew what that picture would mean to me and how God would show me He's in everything until years later. Hanging directly under that picture are framed words that say, "We're all just walking each other Home." 

I literally had no clue what I would make Chad. After Clark David passed away, a friend suggested making a blanket out of Clark David's t-shirts. I kept that in the back of my mind. One day I told a friend about this class we were in and asked her if she had any homemade gift ideas. After several suggestions she mentioned that she had made a blanket for her husband out of his old t-shirts. I knew then that's why this suggestion years ago had never come to pass. So, instead of making the blanket with just Clark David's shirts, I gathered up old t-shirts of Chad's, Tucker's, Tess', and mine. My friend Pam was so gracious to help me make this happen. I'm grateful for her suggestion and skills. As I thought about each shirt and how to design the blanket, a song came to mind that we had been singing at our church. God so used that to speak to my heart about. Whether I realize it at the time or not, He's in everything and everything points to Him. He showed me so much through those lyrics. It's hard to articulate here how God touched me and revealed more of how this sanctification process works when one comes to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ (Romans 8:28-29). He orchestrates everything and brings life to dead things. The spouse He ordained for me to marry was all because of Jesus. He knows me and knows what I needed to make me and mold me into the newer me. One day soon I'm going to meet Him face-to-face and He's preparing me for that day. He saved me first of all, when I surrendered my life to Him and became a Christian, which started my sanctification process. Later, He made me Chad's wife. Next, He gave me three children. All of the people that have come into my life (especially family) have made me and are making me into the person I'm becoming. All of this for Him and His glory and to be an ambassador for Him so others can know Him too. 

The trajectory of my life was greatly altered when my son took his own life. I didn't know some of the things I know now. Pain is the best teacher, but for me, the pain doesn't leave. It lingers. It's harder (for me). It hasn't gotten better. Naturally, it's not as grueling and raw as it was the day it happened, but time does not heal these type wounds. My daughter texted me last night, the day before Clark David's birthday: "I thought it was supposed to get better with time but it's worse." Oh, how I feel the sting of those words and hurt for her! I tried to encourage her with the truth that I know about God and the promises He is faithful to keep because He cannot lie. But that doesn't take the heartache away. God is still teaching me a lot about life and His perspective. I am still walking through the valley of the shadow of death. I will be until He calls me Home or comes back. If your experiencing the loss of a loved one who has gone Home to be with the Lord or dealing with any other type of a death, I hope the words I read recently will comfort you as they have me:

"God will lead you through, not around, the valley of the shadow of death. And, by the way, aren't you glad it's just a shadow?

Dr. Donald Grey Barnhouse told of the occasion of his first wife's death. He and his children were driving home from the burial, overcome with grief. He searched for a word of comfort to offer but could think of nothing. Just then, a large moving van drove by. As it passed, the shadow of the truck swept over the car. An inspiration came to Dr. Barnhouse. He turned to his family and asked, "Children, would you rather be run over by a truck or by its shadow?" 

The children said, "Well, of course, Dad, we'd rather be run over by the shadow. That can't hurt us at all."

Dr. Barnhouse explained, "Did you know that two thousand years ago the truck of death ran over the Lord Jesus . . . in order that only its shadow might run over us?

We face death, but thanks to Jesus, we only face its shadow."

 --from When Mourning Comes adapted from "Traveling Light" by Max Lucado

Providentially, we received a letter in the mail last week from Campus Crusade for Christ that was written March 4th. They wrote to let us know they were sorry for the delay due to COVID restrictions, and the Bibles purchased in memory of our son would be used to share with others the message of God's love and forgiveness revealed in Jesus Christ. Wow! They have no idea how timely this letter was. It was delivered right on time from my perspective. God's time. Inside the envelope was also a short, six-page booklet with the story of Dr. Barnhouse and his children that was used to comfort and encourage me. I hope and pray it will be used to encourage you, Tess, and anyone else who reads this who struggles with the hard place you find yourself in. God is so good to send just what we need when we need it the most.

"This booklet asked some questions. Why won't sorrow leave you alone? Because you buried more than a person. You buried some of yourself. Wasn't it John Donne who said, "Any man's death diminishes me"? It's as if the human race resides on a huge trampoline. The movements of one can be felt by all. And the closer the relationship, the more profound the exit. When someone you love dies, it affects you. It affects your dreams. More than a person died. A dream died.

Why does grief linger? Because you are dealing with more than memories--you are dealing with unlived tomorrows. You're not just battling sorrow--you're battling disappointment. You're also battling anger.

It may be on the surface. It may subterranean. It may be a flame. It may be a blowtorch. But anger lives in sorrow's house. Anger at self. Anger at life. Anger at the military or the hospital or the highway system. But most of all, anger at God. Anger that takes the form of the three-letter question--why? Why him? Why her? Why now? Why us?"

Now, the author went on to say he cannot answer that question, but I somewhat disagree. No, I may not know specifically why one has to die from suicide and one has to die from cancer or a car wreck. And I may not know specifically why it happens at a certain age or to certain people and not others, but God is clear on why these trials come. First of all we live in a sin-fallen world (Genesis 3:6) where death is inevitable because the wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23). Then, Scripture tells us in James 1:2-4 that we are to consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. And Romans 5:3-5 says, "Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirt who has been given to us.

 As I've heard Rick Burgess' (from the Rick and Bubba show) wife say, "I don't always like His methods, but I cannot argue with His results." 

God knows perfectly well what He's doing, but the process can be really, really painful. I must continue to trust in God Most High.

Back to "love languages." I agree with Stormie Omartian who wrote a book I've had since 2001 and used as a prayer guide for many years called, "The Power of  Praying Wife." On page 29 the subtitle reads, The Ultimate Love Language. Something amazing happens to our hearts when we pray for another person. The hardness melts. We become able to get beyond the hurts, and forgive. We even end up loving the person we are praying for. It's miraculous! It happens because when we pray we enter into the presence of God and He fills us with His Spirit of love. The love of God will grow in your heart and the other person's, especially your spouse. That's because prayer is the ultimate love language. It communicates in ways we can't. Talking to God about different relationships is an act of love. Prayer gives rise to love, love begets more prayer, which in turn gives rise to more love. Even if your praying is not born out of completely selfless motives, your motives will become more unselfish as prayer continues. You'll find yourself more loving in your responses. You'll notice that issues which formerly caused strife between you will no longer do that. You'll be able to come to mutual agreements without conflict.

Lord, help me love You with all my heart and with all my soul and with all my mind; help me love my neighbor (people) as You have loved me. (Matthew 22:37; John 13:34). 

By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for another (John 13:35).

Seeing God in everything is the only thing that will make me loving and patient with people who annoy and trouble me. Then I will see others as the instruments God uses to accomplish His tender and wise purpose for me, and I will even find myself inwardly thanking them for the blessing they have become to me. Nothing but seeing God will completely put an end to all complaining and thoughts of rebellion. --Hannah Whitall Smith from Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman

"All Because of Jesus -the two, Chad & Beth, become one (Genesis 2:24). It's His blanket of love that covers all five, Clark David, Tucker & Tess, Ephesians 2:4-7"

The word "cover" in red symbolizes the blood of Christ that covers sin . . . there's nothing but the blood that can wash away our sin and make us whole again. 

*"ALL BECAUSE OF JESUS" 

Giver of every breath I breathe, Author of all eternity, Giver of every perfect thing, To You be the glory

Maker of Heaven and of Earth, No one can comprehend Your worth, King over all the universe, To You be the glory

And I am alive because I'm alive in You

And it's all because of Jesus I'm alive, It's all because the blood of Jesus Christ, It covers me and raised this dead man's life, It's all because of Jesus I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive. 

Every sunrise sings Your praise, The universe cries out Your praise, Singing freedom all my days, Now that I'm alive.

Are you a *DEAD MAN WALKING? 

You can be free and be raised to new life in Christ. Eternal life and not eternal death.

Whoever believes in Me, as Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him (John 7:38).

Some of us are troubled, wondering why the Holy Spirit doesn't fill us. The problem is that we have plenty coming in, but we are not giving out to others. If you will give the blessing you have received, planning your life around greater service and being a blessing to those around you, then you will quickly find that the Holy Spirit is with you. He will bestow blessings to you for service, giving you all He can trust you to give away to others. --from Days of Heaven upon Earth (Streams in the Desert) 

If you want to know how to be born-again, I encourage you to hover over the word "born-again" in the second paragraph from the top and see how. Yes, Heaven is real, but Hell is too. You must be born-again to enter into the Kingdom. 

Happy 8th Birthday with our Lord, Clark David (a little late which doesn't matter). 

I love you so much. I miss you so much! I know it's part of God's permissive will, but that doesn't make any less painful for me. I know something's missing, but praise Jesus it's all temporary. And one day losses will be turned into many more gains. I will get to meet Jesus soon too. I cannot wait to be reunited with you!! Until then, Jesus is faithful. He will give me strength to persevere, all for His glory. He is *FAITHFUL till the end!

I'm grateful the Lord brought to my mind not long after I awakened Monday, March 14th a song I found many months ago. I don't remember exactly how I came across it, but I read about Fanny Crosby. She was blind early in her life and became famous for writing many church hymns. As I was reminded by her lyrics, you are "Safe in the arms of Jesus." It was such a comfort to hear those words and know "Sin cannot harm me (you) there. Free from the blight of sorrow, free from doubts and fears."

*"SAFE IN THE ARMS OF JESUS" (click for song and story)

But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 6:22).  

*Hover over red words to listen to songs or read articles.

Thank you so much to Pam W. for the idea of the blanket and all your help! Thank you to Laura D. for your contribution in monogramming the words the Lord gave me through the song. The blanket brings warmth and comfort to us. I hope it will be as special to Tucker and Tess one day. I hope they don't fight over it, ha, ha!

Now, I'm looking forward to celebrating my third child Saturday. Tucker, my midddle, had a birthday on "Twosday" February 22, 2022. And guess what? He turned 22!! That doesn't happen often ;), Clark David was next (We had dinner at the Outback together in your memory Clark David. . . always bittersweet). Tess will be 19 on Saturday, March 19th. It's her golden birthday. Happy Birthday, Tess!

Happy Palindrome Birthday (a number or word that can be read the same way forwards/backwards)! LOL Tucker. As Maddy said, "It won't happen again."

If this t-shirt is ever used for a blanket one day, I hope you're still here. 

I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

We love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19).

Jesus said to him, "You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets."

Matthew 22:37-39