Blanket of Love
Can God Speak Through a Blanket? A Lesson on Seeing God in Everything

 

 February, the month of love or love month many people refer to it as, is now behind us for another year. But my "blanket of love" blog post idea was brought back to mind. And the fact we've been using this blanket on cold winter nights, has caused me to think of it again. I planned to do a post in 2019, but the timing was never right. It's perfect timing now. The month of March.

 I've positioned myself in a place I never thought I would. A place that never crossed my mind, until a few months ago. God. Only God could do this. And He did. There's a story behind how He did it, but to save space and details for now, today (Sunday, March 13th) is the first time I find myself at a desk writing from Clark David's room, seated in the very spot where his lifeless body was found. See death entered his mind and heart that day, BUT GOD! The same place death was allowed to overtake him, God is bringing forth new life in many ways, and sizes. 

In Revelation 21:5 in the Holy Bible it says God is making all things new. That tells me He's in the process of making all things new. Of course, that's speaking of the new Heaven and the new Earth, but those that are *born-again believers are also being made new (2 Corinthians 5:17). So, if I'm a growing Christian that means I'm being made new which to me also means a new way of viewing things and a new way of thinking because I've been given the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16) and my mind is being renewed (Romans 12:2). 

As I entered his room to write Sunday, I turned on some Christian music first. As I sang the lyrics, I turned around to look outside and a red and black-spotted tiny creature caught my attention. A little ladybug was strolling about the trim around the window. About a month ago Zach the bug man, as I call him, came to spray. I had vacuumed Clark David's room and vacuumed the many dead ladybugs up. I had not seen them in any other room in our house. At first, I thought they're still here, as I went back to what I was doing. But then I stopped and thought wait, it's moving. Life. A sign of life! These ladybugs weren't dead. I saw it as God reminding me of what He already had several months before. He was going to do a new thing and bring new life from a place of death. I got curious. I Googled a couple different topics about ladybugs. Now some of it was far-fetched about ladybugs being spirit animals and good luck and such, but another search led to something that caught my attention, *"Can God Speak Through A Ladybug? A Lesson On Striving."  Margaret, the author of the article, ended her post with a question. When has God used an unexpected encounter with a small creature to awaken you to the wonder of God's presence and the work He's doing?  I thought, just now Margaret, just now! If my eyes and heart are open to what God is doing all around me, I will see Him in *"EVERYTHING."   Not literally in everything, but how He works in everything. No matter what God uses or what shape or size it comes in, I'm grateful He gives me eyes to see and ears to hear Him as His presence is made known to me.

In the winter of 2019, my husband and I joined a 7-week class at our church that went through a book many people are familiar with and if you've not read it, I'm certain you've heard of it by Gary Chapman. Chapman's book, "The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts" summary is this: "It shows couples how to make their love last by learning to recognize the unique way their partner feels love. We learn the remedy for all problems modern couples face. Dr. Gary Chapman is a marriage counselor who has found a proven method for making love last." Also, I read his favorite quote on this link, "True love cannot begin until the "in love" experience has run its course."  I disagree. True love cannot begin until both people are born-again believers because if we don't have the Helper, the Holy Spirit, living inside of us (received at salvation) we won't be able to love like Jesus commands us to. 

No offense at all to this widely known author/speaker who no doubt has helped lots of people, but upon further contemplation and seeking God's Word from the Author of love Himself on how He defines love (1 Corinthians 13) I saw several concerns to Chapman's book (Google "what's wrong with the five love languages," if you want and you might agree with things you find). And "the secret to love that lasts" is Jesus at the center, centered around God's Word. Jesus makes a love last. We have to get to truly know Jesus so Jesus can get into us so we can love others well. We cannot do this without the Holy Spirit, nor God's Word. That's a bold statement and tall order to say "We learn the remedy for all problems modern couples face." The remedy for all problems couples face or anyone for that matter is Jesus. Jesus has the answers that don't cost and arm and a leg either. Jesus is *"THE ANSWER."  

I've been seeing for quite some time where we've taken God, His Word the Bible, and His way of doing things out of so many areas of our lives, thinking we have a better way or don't need Him (until a crisis arises) and just do things like the world programs us to do. Just look around, if you haven't already at our government, schools, counseling clinics, and so on. Things aren't getting better by pushing God, His way, and His Book aside basically telling Him we don't need Him. We can handle it all, our way. And by the way, Chapman's series of books have sold more than 20 million copies worldwide and have been translated into 50 languages. Do you see more love in the world today? Are there less divorces? The author's intent I'm sure was from a pure heart, but for me, I see where it could potentially lead to a co-dependency relationship because we should never depend on another person to make us feel loved and keep our "love tank" full. By the way, what about single people? Who's going to meet their needs? Chapman may have a book for them too, but Jesus Christ is the only One who can fulfill and satisfy our God-given need for love and acceptance. He is also the only One who can truly love unconditionally. 

"We have a generation of folks who change books. They use this book for some things, they use human understanding for other things, they use popular opinion for other things and wind up living in distress." 

"The Bible has all the answers, but because folks change books, they have to have all these long meetings to try and come up with solutions. But no! You don't change books. You show them what God says about what's wrong (in your marriage, family, the nation) and give them practical steps to implement what God says (about your marriage, family, the nation). Then you ask the Holy Spirit to take their obedience and to bring about change in whatever the situation because God knows what He's doing when folks pay attention to what He says and begin to implement that." 

"The Holy Bible has become for many people like the Queen of England, she's got position but no power! Will carry it, will hold it up, will put in on our phones, but it does not have authority." --Tony Evans 

Mine and yours greatest need to be loved has been met. At the cross! It was met at the cross when Jesus bled and died to take away our sins. We can all go looking for love in all the wrong places sometimes, but when we meet Jesus Christ and He becomes Savior and Lord of our life, all the other relationships in our lives whether they be friends, family, or our spouse are just added bonuses to life. God uses them to change us. Don't get me wrong, relationships can bring much happiness and joy, but also many forms of heartache and pain. I've heard it once said that God designed marriage to attack our selfishness. I would add, He created all relationships to attack our selfishness and teach us how to love others by dying to ourselves, and by learning how to care for and serve others. Jesus Christ is our ultimate example of that. 

I'm grateful the Lord saw fit for us to attend that class though. There were pluses and minuses, and blessings received too. One blessing came from being asked to make a handmade gift for our spouse to be presented to him/her in front of the class at the last session. I was presented with a beautiful piece of furniture to display at the entryway of our home built by Chad that I have so enjoyed and will treasure for as long as I have it. It's special to me too because above it I hung a picture of all three of our children, Clark David in the center holding both Tucker and Tess' hand as they walked down the sidewalk, as if they were taking a stroll on the beach together. I never knew what that picture would mean to me and how God would show me He's in everything until years later. Hanging directly under that picture are framed words that say, "We're all just walking each other Home." 

I literally had no clue what I would make Chad. After Clark David passed away, a friend suggested making a blanket out of Clark David's t-shirts. I kept that in the back of my mind. One day I told a friend about this class we were in and asked her if she had any homemade gift ideas. After several suggestions she mentioned that she had made a blanket for her husband out of his old t-shirts. I knew then that's why this suggestion years ago had never come to pass. So, instead of making the blanket with just Clark David's shirts, I gathered up old t-shirts of Chad's, Tucker's, Tess', and mine. My friend Pam was so gracious to help me make this happen. I'm grateful for her suggestion and skills. As I thought about each shirt and how to design the blanket, a song came to mind that we had been singing at our church. God so used that to speak to my heart about. Whether I realize it at the time or not, He's in everything and everything points to Him. He showed me so much through those lyrics. It's hard to articulate here how God touched me and revealed more of how this sanctification process works when one comes to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ (Romans 8:28-29). He orchestrates everything and brings life to dead things. The spouse He ordained for me to marry was all because of Jesus. He knows me and knows what I needed to make me and mold me into the newer me. One day soon I'm going to meet Him face-to-face and He's preparing me for that day. He saved me first of all, when I surrendered my life to Him and became a Christian, which started my sanctification process. Later, He made me Chad's wife. Next, He gave me three children. All of the people that have come into my life (especially family) have made me and are making me into the person I'm becoming. All of this for Him and His glory and to be an ambassador for Him so others can know Him too. 

The trajectory of my life was greatly altered when my son took his own life. I didn't know some of the things I know now. Pain is the best teacher, but for me, the pain doesn't leave. It lingers. It's harder (for me). It hasn't gotten better. Naturally, it's not as grueling and raw as it was the day it happened, but time does not heal these type wounds. My daughter texted me last night, the day before Clark David's birthday: "I thought it was supposed to get better with time but it's worse." Oh, how I feel the sting of those words and hurt for her! I tried to encourage her with the truth that I know about God and the promises He is faithful to keep because He cannot lie. But that doesn't take the heartache away. God is still teaching me a lot about life and His perspective. I am still walking through the valley of the shadow of death. I will be until He calls me Home or comes back. If your experiencing the loss of a loved one who has gone Home to be with the Lord or dealing with any other type of a death, I hope the words I read recently will comfort you as they have me:

"God will lead you through, not around, the valley of the shadow of death. And, by the way, aren't you glad it's just a shadow?

Dr. Donald Grey Barnhouse told of the occasion of his first wife's death. He and his children were driving home from the burial, overcome with grief. He searched for a word of comfort to offer but could think of nothing. Just then, a large moving van drove by. As it passed, the shadow of the truck swept over the car. An inspiration came to Dr. Barnhouse. He turned to his family and asked, "Children, would you rather be run over by a truck or by its shadow?" 

The children said, "Well, of course, Dad, we'd rather be run over by the shadow. That can't hurt us at all."

Dr. Barnhouse explained, "Did you know that two thousand years ago the truck of death ran over the Lord Jesus . . . in order that only its shadow might run over us?

We face death, but thanks to Jesus, we only face its shadow."

 --from When Mourning Comes adapted from "Traveling Light" by Max Lucado

Providentially, we received a letter in the mail last week from Campus Crusade for Christ that was written March 4th. They wrote to let us know they were sorry for the delay due to COVID restrictions, and the Bibles purchased in memory of our son would be used to share with others the message of God's love and forgiveness revealed in Jesus Christ. Wow! They have no idea how timely this letter was. It was delivered right on time from my perspective. God's time. Inside the envelope was also a short, six-page booklet with the story of Dr. Barnhouse and his children that was used to comfort and encourage me. I hope and pray it will be used to encourage you, Tess, and anyone else who reads this who struggles with the hard place you find yourself in. God is so good to send just what we need when we need it the most.

"This booklet asked some questions. Why won't sorrow leave you alone? Because you buried more than a person. You buried some of yourself. Wasn't it John Donne who said, "Any man's death diminishes me"? It's as if the human race resides on a huge trampoline. The movements of one can be felt by all. And the closer the relationship, the more profound the exit. When someone you love dies, it affects you. It affects your dreams. More than a person died. A dream died.

Why does grief linger? Because you are dealing with more than memories--you are dealing with unlived tomorrows. You're not just battling sorrow--you're battling disappointment. You're also battling anger.

It may be on the surface. It may subterranean. It may be a flame. It may be a blowtorch. But anger lives in sorrow's house. Anger at self. Anger at life. Anger at the military or the hospital or the highway system. But most of all, anger at God. Anger that takes the form of the three-letter question--why? Why him? Why her? Why now? Why us?"

Now, the author went on to say he cannot answer that question, but I somewhat disagree. No, I may not know specifically why one has to die from suicide and one has to die from cancer or a car wreck. And I may not know specifically why it happens at a certain age or to certain people and not others, but God is clear on why these trials come. First of all we live in a sin-fallen world (Genesis 3:6) where death is inevitable because the wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23). Then, Scripture tells us in James 1:2-4 that we are to consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. And Romans 5:3-5 says, "Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirt who has been given to us.

 As I've heard Rick Burgess' (from the Rick and Bubba show) wife say, "I don't always like His methods, but I cannot argue with His results." 

God knows perfectly well what He's doing, but the process can be really, really painful. I must continue to trust in God Most High.

Back to "love languages." I agree with Stormie Omartian who wrote a book I've had since 2001 and used as a prayer guide for many years called, "The Power of  Praying Wife." On page 29 the subtitle reads, The Ultimate Love Language. Something amazing happens to our hearts when we pray for another person. The hardness melts. We become able to get beyond the hurts, and forgive. We even end up loving the person we are praying for. It's miraculous! It happens because when we pray we enter into the presence of God and He fills us with His Spirit of love. The love of God will grow in your heart and the other person's, especially your spouse. That's because prayer is the ultimate love language. It communicates in ways we can't. Talking to God about different relationships is an act of love. Prayer gives rise to love, love begets more prayer, which in turn gives rise to more love. Even if your praying is not born out of completely selfless motives, your motives will become more unselfish as prayer continues. You'll find yourself more loving in your responses. You'll notice that issues which formerly caused strife between you will no longer do that. You'll be able to come to mutual agreements without conflict.

Lord, help me love You with all my heart and with all my soul and with all my mind; help me love my neighbor (people) as You have loved me. (Matthew 22:37; John 13:34). 

By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for another (John 13:35).

Seeing God in everything is the only thing that will make me loving and patient with people who annoy and trouble me. Then I will see others as the instruments God uses to accomplish His tender and wise purpose for me, and I will even find myself inwardly thanking them for the blessing they have become to me. Nothing but seeing God will completely put an end to all complaining and thoughts of rebellion. --Hannah Whitall Smith from Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman

"All Because of Jesus -the two, Chad & Beth, become one (Genesis 2:24). It's His blanket of love that covers all five, Clark David, Tucker & Tess, Ephesians 2:4-7"

The word "cover" in red symbolizes the blood of Christ that covers sin . . . there's nothing but the blood that can wash away our sin and make us whole again. 

*"ALL BECAUSE OF JESUS" 

Giver of every breath I breathe, Author of all eternity, Giver of every perfect thing, To You be the glory

Maker of Heaven and of Earth, No one can comprehend Your worth, King over all the universe, To You be the glory

And I am alive because I'm alive in You

And it's all because of Jesus I'm alive, It's all because the blood of Jesus Christ, It covers me and raised this dead man's life, It's all because of Jesus I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive. 

Every sunrise sings Your praise, The universe cries out Your praise, Singing freedom all my days, Now that I'm alive.

Are you a *DEAD MAN WALKING? 

You can be free and be raised to new life in Christ. Eternal life and not eternal death.

Whoever believes in Me, as Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him (John 7:38).

Some of us are troubled, wondering why the Holy Spirit doesn't fill us. The problem is that we have plenty coming in, but we are not giving out to others. If you will give the blessing you have received, planning your life around greater service and being a blessing to those around you, then you will quickly find that the Holy Spirit is with you. He will bestow blessings to you for service, giving you all He can trust you to give away to others. --from Days of Heaven upon Earth (Streams in the Desert) 

If you want to know how to be born-again, I encourage you to hover over the word "born-again" in the second paragraph from the top and see how. Yes, Heaven is real, but Hell is too. You must be born-again to enter into the Kingdom. 

Happy 8th Birthday with our Lord, Clark David (a little late which doesn't matter). 

I love you so much. I miss you so much! I know it's part of God's permissive will, but that doesn't make any less painful for me. I know something's missing, but praise Jesus it's all temporary. And one day losses will be turned into many more gains. I will get to meet Jesus soon too. I cannot wait to be reunited with you!! Until then, Jesus is faithful. He will give me strength to persevere, all for His glory. He is *FAITHFUL till the end!

I'm grateful the Lord brought to my mind not long after I awakened Monday, March 14th a song I found many months ago. I don't remember exactly how I came across it, but I read about Fanny Crosby. She was blind early in her life and became famous for writing many church hymns. As I was reminded by her lyrics, you are "Safe in the arms of Jesus." It was such a comfort to hear those words and know "Sin cannot harm me (you) there. Free from the blight of sorrow, free from doubts and fears."

*"SAFE IN THE ARMS OF JESUS" (click for song and story)

But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 6:22).  

*Hover over red words to listen to songs or read articles.

Thank you so much to Pam W. for the idea of the blanket and all your help! Thank you to Laura D. for your contribution in monogramming the words the Lord gave me through the song. The blanket brings warmth and comfort to us. I hope it will be as special to Tucker and Tess one day. I hope they don't fight over it, ha, ha!

Now, I'm looking forward to celebrating my third child Saturday. Tucker, my midddle, had a birthday on "Twosday" February 22, 2022. And guess what? He turned 22!! That doesn't happen often ;), Clark David was next (We had dinner at the Outback together in your memory Clark David. . . always bittersweet). Tess will be 19 on Saturday, March 19th. It's her golden birthday. Happy Birthday, Tess!

Happy Palindrome Birthday (a number or word that can be read the same way forwards/backwards)! LOL Tucker. As Maddy said, "It won't happen again."

If this t-shirt is ever used for a blanket one day, I hope you're still here. 

I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

We love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19).

Jesus said to him, "You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets."

Matthew 22:37-39

 

 

 

 

 

Beginning of the Seventh Year Without Clark David
picture taken October 9, 2020
*Blog posted one year later Oct. 2021

It's been awhile. Seven months to be exact since I posted last (there's that number again). I struggle with always wanting to hear from the Lord correctly and not write on my own accord. The Lord always affirms when to write and if I have reservations I don't post (I have three drafts never completed). This time it seems He is saying, "Yes, it's time to write down what I put on your heart last year October 6th, 2020 (a 20/20 vision year for me). You leave the results to Me. I know how vulnerable your heart is, but all that matters is You live to please Me. Don't be so concerned with getting it all right, afraid you will say or do something wrong. And don't let negative words spoken in the past cloud your mind. I will take care of that. Remember, you write for an audience of One, I take care of everything else. Faith is action. Obey My prompting." Now, keep in mind...I did not audibly hear the words in quotes. That's what the Holy Spirit laid on my heart.

I never want my resistance or hesitation to lead to disobedience and miss a divine opportunity for the Lord to work. Providentially, I picked up a book I haven't touched since 2017. It's actually placed under a lamp on an end table so technically I have touched it, when I dust, which isn’t often ;). Something my sister said yesterday prompted me to get it. When I opened it up to look for what I wanted to show her, it was bookmarked to this underlined passage: "We felt such a sense of purpose in sharing our journey. It was energizing and life-giving to impact others through our story of suffering. We were coming to understand more and more deeply that the stories that have the greatest impact are the ones that are hard, painful, gritty, and real--and more often than not, ones we never would have chosen for ourselves. We knew there would likely be more pain ahead for us, but the opportunity to inspire others became a reason to get out of bed in the morning into a world and a life we never could have imagined." --Hope Heals, Katherine (and Jay) Wolf. Hence, after reading that it was just more affirmation. It was more proof what the Lord was saying to me. Our stories can do mighty things in the hands of a mighty God.

And speaking of the vulnerability of my heart, I believe vulnerability breeds vulnerability. That doesn't mean it comes easy for some. But when it does come, it is freeing and speaks life to others. Sometimes my vulnerability makes me second guess speaking up or writing. It's hard dealing with any negative pushbacks or questioning was that the right thing to say or do. And recently, I read in "Uninvited" by Lysa TerKeurst, what many see as an asset of someone's, others see as a liability. So that's another reason I want to make sure I'm hearing from the Lord and not myself. But if I don't take that risk, will I ever help someone else or myself? Will I miss out on more that God wants to accomplish through me? Am I going to give the Lord free reign to work in and through me for His purposes?

 I've said before that I don't believe in luck. And I don't. I've said that I don't believe in coincidences. And I don't, not by the world's definition. I believe in providence. I've also said that I didn't think "coincidence" was in God's vocabulary. Well, I was wrong. I've found out it is, but it's not the way a natural man uses it.

The word coincidence is used only once in the New Testament, and it was by Jesus Himself in the parable of the Good Samaritan. In Luke 10:31, Jesus said, "And by a coincidence a certain priest was going down in that way, and having seen him, he passed over on the opposite side (some translations say 'by chance')." The word coincidence is translated from the Greek word synkyrian, which is a combination of two words: sun and kurios. Sun means "together with," and kurios means "supreme in authority." So a biblical definition of coincidence would be "what occurs together by God's providential arrangement of circumstances."

What appears to us a random chance is in fact overseen by a sovereign God who knows the number of hairs on every head (Luke 12:7). Jesus said that not even a sparrow falls (hops) to the ground without our Father's notice (Matthew 10:29). In Isaiah 46:9-11, God states unequivocally that He is in charge of everything: "I am God, and there is none like Me.

I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say, 'My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please.' From the East I summon a bird of prey; from a far-off land, a man to fulfill My purpose. What I have said, that I will bring about; what I have planned, that I will do." (gotquestions.org) 

 Therefore, it's not a coincidence by man's definition that it was the first time in six years (last year) that I was prompted to ask my in-law's over for dinner to celebrate my father-in-law, Charley's, 76th birthday. But biblically speaking, it is a coincidence. This was definitely God's providential arrangement of circumstances from my perception because of what this date represents in my family. Charley's birthday and the anniversary of Clark David's death (and Heaven going). We've really not ever celebrated both events on the same day. Sometimes we do our own thing and then stop by their house. It's just hard either way, but harder for that reason. 

As I started to prepare for what we would have, I knew dessert would be a part of the celebration. I walked down the isle of the grocery store and spotted chocolate number shaped candles. I thought, "Great, that'll be perfect for the topper for dessert." Later, I got out the candles to put on the cheesecake I made in memory of Clark David (I knew Charley liked anything sweet I made so it wouldn't matter what I prepared ;)). I opened up the six candle first not thinking anything at all. I opened up the seven candle. It brought to mind that I was heading into year seven without my eldest son. 

Now, I've also mentioned in previous posts that I'm not a number person, meaning, I don't look for things to connect in some prophetic way. I'm not into arithmancy (divination by means of numbers) either. I don't believe God speaks in code. I mean He could, He is God. It is clearly evident numbers have great significance in the Holy Bible for sure! Just search it out, you can find plenty of information on that. 

As I picked up the "7" to put it on the cake, I thought, "Seven...completion, maturity. Is this going to be the year that the Lord is going to bring something to full development? Will something ripen and produce fruit?" I picked up the "6" to put it next to the "7." When I did I thought, "Seven in front and six behind. Seven, reminded me to look ahead for what God will complete and mature and leave the past "6" years behind. I won't completely forget the past because I must learn from it, but I will continue to look for the new thing God will do. It's like God was telling me this was going to be the year for breakthrough. The past six years has been uncharted territory, but it's also been difficult to know what to do on this day. For me, it makes it sort of awkward, like the "white elephant in the room." We celebrate a another year of living for one person with a birthday on the same day there was a death no one wants to remember. Of course you don't remember one and forget the other. They're both significant. No one would choose to have this overshadow their birthday, but for reasons God only knows it fell on this day. I tried even harder (last year) not to let it overshadow or be awkward by celebrating at our house. I'm grateful for each year we get to celebrate Charley's birthday. I'm more grateful that Charley is a born-again believer because that makes his birthday celebration worth celebrating because if he wasn't, really what would there be to celebrate? Just another day of life without a living Hope. I'm also grateful that this is a day I can celebrate where I know my son is, with Jesus! Through Christ, he was given eternal LIFE, not torment. Seven years now to be exact. I wonder what he is experiencing while waiting?! I know its been nothing like its been here!! Oh, the joy of eternal life with Jesus to come with no more pain, suffering, and sin. Thank You, Lord for the cross, Your blood, and dying for our sins to be raised from death so we wouldn't have to pay for our sins forever and will soon be resurrected too.

The Lord reminded me again through Scripture that I'm to set my mind on things above. I'll show you...Set your minds on things above, not on things on Earth (Colossians 3:2 NKJV). The Passion Translation states it this way: Yes, feast on all the treasures of the heavenly realm and fill your thoughts with heavenly realities, and not with the distractions of the natural realm. And I like the Amplified Bible Version that says, Set your mind and keep focused habitually on the things above [the heavenly things], not on things that are on Earth [which have only temporal value]. The Living Bible uses the word 'affections.' So if I'm to see things from God's perspective and set my affections on things above, for me, one thing that says is I'm to focus my heart on where Clark David is, in the presence of the Lord (previous blog post March 14, 2016). I'm to focus my heart heavenward and remember what Jesus Christ did to save any who truly believe and repent and I’m to share that message of Hope (John 3:16, Ephesians 2:1-13).

But while I wait on what's to come, the Lord works down here on me (those who are truly His). So, the seventh year proved true for breakthrough! I heard the Lord correctly!! He set out to do a new thing. "See. I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland" (Isaiah 43:19). Last year wasn't one bit easy. It was extremely difficult on our whole family, especially my 18 year old daughter Tess (maybe she will share her story one day to help herself and others). But as I heard Tony Evans say by way of a radio broadcast yesterday, "God flips the natural order of things so that which dies, comes alive." 

Let me make this clear: A single grain of wheat will never be more than a single grain of wheat unless it drops into the ground and dies. Because then it sprouts and produces a great harvest of wheat --all because one grain died (John 12:24 TPT). 

The Lord Jesus is the perfect picture of a single grain of wheat which can only become fruitful under certain circumstances. A single grain of wheat has within itself a germ of life which has the capacity to become abundantly fruitful. However, that ordinary little seed cannot increase and multiply while it is sitting inside a sack of corn. One single little grain of wheat has the tremendous potential to be incredibly productive. However, without it first falling into the ground - alone, and then dying...it is incapable of bringing forth any fruit.

The Lord Jesus Christ was the heavenly example of a single grain of wheat, falling into the ground and dying - in order to bring forth an abundant harvest, to the glory of God. There was no other way to redeem a lost world, other than Christ...the one single, perfect Seed in Whom resides life eternal, falling into the Earth, alone. He died in our place by shedding His life blood on the cross and took the sin of the world upon His shoulders. In Him was life - life from the dead, and His life was the light of men. However, Christ had no intention of remaining alone...for He is the eternal Son of God and He became the perfect Son of Man in Whom we have redemption, by faith. Having died and been buried...that single Seed of the Lord rose again, bringing many sons to glory and producing the rich harvest of a multitude of believers - a fruitful harvest that spans 2000 years of history.

And we, who have been saved by grace through faith in Christ, have within us the life of Christ which can become abundantly fruitful, when our lives resemble His likeness. May we mirror the attitude of Christ - so that by God's grace, we may become a fruitful branch of our heavenly Vine. 

Heavenly Father, may I be willing to die to the things of myself and come to the place where I am able to put my old sinful nature in the place of death so that I may be raised up as a fruitful branch that honors my God and Savior. Thank You that Christ has indeed, swallowed up death in victory - may I live only for His greater praise and glory (dailyverse.knowing-jesus.com).

 

Your Word says, He (Jesus) must increase, but I must decrease. Or He must become greater; I must become less (John 3:30 ESV/NIV). This is my prayer for me, my family and anyone who is led here. For me, Clark David's death has led to revival in my own heart. Something has to die in order for something else to live and produce more fruit. I have a long way to go. Help me see clearer.

 

 As painful as it was to experience what our family has been through in just the past year with my daughter and me, I continue to trust the Lord and live by faith and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7).  "Faith is acting like God is telling the truth. Faith is acting like it is so even when it's not so in order that it might be so simply because God said so" --Tony Evans

As believers, "we live by faith, not by sight"--God never wants us to live by our feelings. Our inner self may want to live by feelings, and Satan may want us to, BUT GOD wants us to face the facts, not the feelings. He wants us to face the facts of Christ and His finished and perfect work for us. And once we face these precious facts, and believe them simply because God says they are facts, He will take care of our feelings (streams in the desert, daily devotions).

God has been and is always doing so much behind the scenes, but He mainly works through trials and suffering. There's been much pain and suffering from what God unearthed last year. He's working now, unearthing more, I just cannot see it all yet. He's putting all the puzzle pieces together to complete His masterpieces. Though more pain/heartache will come in this life, I look forward to what He will continue to do for our good and His glory and am confident He will continue to be by my side holding my hand with His (Isaiah 41:10,13).

I don't know what you're going through today, but I trust it's something. Because life never stops. And there's always something around the bend. It may be really good, or it could be really bad and may look hopeless, BUT GOD! He is coming with breakthrough. Hold on. Don't lose hope. Help is on the way, (roundin' the corner). Help is on the way (comin' for ya). 

BUT GOD! "That's the story I'll tell. You were right there and You have been ever since." Call on the Lord and He will show you great and mighty things you don't know (Jeremiah 33:3). He proves Himself over and over again when we call to Him and trust Him with everything. "Trust in the Lord completely, and do not rely on your own opinions. With all your heart rely on Him to guide you, and He will lead you in every decision you make. Become intimate with Him in whatever you do, and He will lead you wherever you go. Don't think for a moment that you know it all, for wisdom comes when you adore Him with an undivided devotion and avoid everything that's wrong. Then you will find the healing refreshment your body and spirit long for." (Proverbs 3:5-8 TPT)

"There is a river over which every soul must pass to reach the Kingdom of Heaven and the name of that river is suffering--and the way to cross that river is a cross nailed together with love." Ann Voskamp, The Broken Way (thanks Julie F. for sharing this with me yesterday).

God's providence works through loss, that there is a ministry to us through failure and the fading of things, and that He gives the gift of emptiness. It is, in fact, the material insecurities of life that cause our lives to be spiritually established. The dwindling brook at the Kerith Ravine, where Elijah sat deep in thought, is a true picture of each of our lives. "Some time later the brook dried up"--this is the history of our yesterdays, and a prophecy of our tomorrows. One way or the other, we must learn the difference between trusting in the gift and trusting in the Giver. The gift may last for a season, but the Giver is the only eternal love (streams in the desert, daily devotions).

I tried not to look at my phone today so I wouldn't be distracted from writing. I went to get it to video a baby turtle in the garage LOL! When I did, I noticed a text from my special friend, Pam W. I just have to share this huge encouragement and prayer from her: "Lord God, we thank You for the life you gave to Clark David. We thank You for drawing him to you and saving him at such a young age. I thank You Lord that Beth does not grieve as a mother who has no hope in where he lives now. She knows that he is with You. Thank You for the comfort You have given her in knowing that, which she now uses that same comfort to comfort others (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). Clark David brought so much joy and laughter to his family and friends. In Christ, we know we will see him again one day soon. Lord, until that time comes, we ask that You continue to heal broken hearts. Although the heartache of a person's absence never goes away until we're their with You, we know that You said, "Blessed are those that mourn for they shall be comforted." We thank You dear Father for that comfort for without it how could we survive? Lord, I can only imagine the pain of losing a child, but You know Lord. And you have purpose in all of our pain. I thank You for my sister in Christ, who has endured an unimaginable loss, yet through it has drawn closer to You as the years have passed. She has been an example to so many by loving You, speaking Your words to so many, and being a light to so many. I pray for the family, Chad, Tucker, and Tess that they be comforted and drawn to You. I pray that through all of our sufferings that we endure on this Earth, that You be GLORIFIED IN EVERYTHING. Father we thank You in Jesus' name for all Your blessings, for Your Word, and Your promises. Thank You for sustaining us through all things. We love you Heavenly Father, in Jesus' name, Amen.

 

Happy 77th Birthday today (2021), Charley - You are loved!

Happy 7th Heaven, Clark David - You are loved! You are MISSED!!

Laura says, "As long as she has her faculties, I'll never forget that boy. 💓

We'll seecha!

God has served notice. All farewells are on the clock. They are filtering like grains of sand through an hourglass. If Heaven's throne room has a calendar, one day is circled in red and highlighted in yellow. God has decreed a family reunion (you'll get through this, Max Lucado).

For the Lord Himself will appear with the declaration of victory, the shout of an archangel, and the trumpet blast of God. He will descend from the heavenly realm and command those who are dead in Christ to rise first. Then we who are alive will join them, transported together in clouds to have an encounter with the Lord in the air, and we will be forever joined with the Lord. So encourage one another with these truths (1 Thessalonians 4:16-18). 

Ooh You hold the broken, You hear my every cry, every cry, my eyes are open, I know that it is well, it is well

Ooh the mountain where I climbed, the valley where I fell, You were there all along, that's the story I'll tell, You brought the pieces together, made me this storyteller, now I know it is well, it is well, that's the story I'll tell, that's the story I'll tell, for years and years and years I'll tell, that's the story I'll tell (Storyteller, Song by Morgan Harper Nichols) Click red to listen to songs.

 

MARCH WITHOUT YOU. MARCH WITH YOU

Sketch of Clark David by Anna Cleveland November 2014

12:45 a.m. March 1, 2020

I don't know why I'm up so late. 

I don't know why I haven't been able to write lately.

I don't know why my September blog I spent so much time on was never completed.

I don't know why things happen exactly as they do...

But, I do know that there is a God who knows all things and is in absolute control of everything! God Almighty, the Most High God is sovereign over everything, including time! He created them both. He spoke time into being, but He's not boxed into time like we are. God doesn't need a clock because He's not controlled by time. He operates on an eternal clock. 

Do you find yourself checking the clock numerous times a day? Or wonder when something you want to happen is going to take place? Don't we get ourselves into messes thinking we know better than God? Don't we many times forget to pray and ask Him what we should do? Then, many times we do what we think is best and get ahead of Him and miss His best for us. His ways are not our ways (Isaiah 55:8). His timing is perfect! Even if it doesn't seem right to us at the time, everything is on His schedule to be used how He sees fit (for our good). He's working all the time even when we cannot see it. Even when things look really, really bad to us....He is still working in the midst of it all.

 It's hard to articulate how grief and loss discombobulated my calendar. It's not as confusing as it once was. I'm able to think more clearly (my children wouldn't say so ;)), but it's really made me think of time differently. Some may blame it on age and maybe that has something to do with it now, but I've never experienced things gone so out of whack. Psalm 90:12 says, "Teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts to wisdom," as if this one were our last. That's not to say we live in fear because God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and a sound mind  (2 Timothy 1:7). And it doesn't mean that we think about death morbidly, but our lives are a vapor, that appears for a little time, and then vanishes away (James 4:14). When you lose someone you love you see how real this verse is. So, we should consider the shortness of our days. It's good to plan and set goals, but no need to be too rigid because we never know the moment it can all change (just look at all the schedule changes with the Coronavirus now). We never know when we get a dreaded phone call or receive news that rips our heart out. Life is really so short. I tend to focus more on today, giving tomorrow less thought than I once did. No wonder I forgot an appointment this week. Oh, well. His time is the right time. And by the way, if we don't apply our heart to wisdom, that leaves us with no common sense. Hmm... I wonder why it's hard to find toilet tissue on the shelves of stores? As my sister brought to my attention recently while in a grocery store, why, when the toilet tissue shelf is empty do you still see an abundance of napkins to purchase? Common sense may be lost (unless we’re really not in dire straits). The items are basically the same just a different shape and thickness.  Sorry, I digressed.

"A man's heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps." Proverbs 16:9

Saturday evening February 29th, Tess said, "Tomorrow is March 1st, my birth month." Wow, I thought, already March again. I said, "That's right, it sure is." Sounds like I need to look at the calendar more.

As a mom with two children born in the month of March, I naturally think of their two birthdays simultaneously. I never think of one without the other. One child here doesn't erase the existence of the other one not here. It's always a reminder of a life gone. But it's also a reminder of another gift of life still to be lived...both to be celebrated, just differently. One child's birthday doesn't take precedence over another child's. They're equally important to me. Two very special gifts. One male, the other female. So different, but so much alike.

God blessed Chad and me with three children. Unless something happens to my memory, I won't forget each one, each child's uniqueness, character, and personality. As I'm continuing to see, each one teaches me something different. As parents we sometimes tend to think (or I did) that we do all the teaching and training. But I'm finding out more and more that God uses them to teach me. Probably without them knowing it, I've had to learn to be more patient, not ask too many questions, pick the right timing, serve more, love more, and pray more. I fail! None of these things have been mastered, but the Lord is helping me. But something God has taught me that I've learned no other way, came through the earthly death of my eldest son Clark David. The Lord, through Clark David, has taught me to cry out to Him in my despair. I've not stopped calling out to Him since. He's my constant help and companion. You see, when God is all you have, you realize He is all you need. He is the great Counselor, Healer, Redeemer, Restorer, Deliverer. He is everything I need. He sustains and satisfies. As Jeremy Camp says in his interview linked below, when a trial hits, you have two choices, run to God or run away! Crying out to the Lord is the only way that you will be saved and rescued, redeemed and restored.  

The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, And with my song will I praise Him. (Psalm 28:7)

Sometimes I still get a feeling or that look, that people feel sorry for me. I mean I understand sharing in someone's sorrow because we're to weep with those who weep (and rejoice with those who rejoice -Romans 12:15), but I'm talking about that look. If you've been there you know. If you haven't, you don't and that's okay. But it's those people that I feel sorry because they must not have what I have or they've not yet experienced a fiery affliction and cried out to the Lord. This pain and affliction has brought me so much closer to my heavenly Father and for that I'm grateful. I've been asked before, if  you could change it would you? If you could have your son back, would you reverse this? I would not. Because I wouldn't know the Lord as intimately as I do and see what I see if it hadn't been for this. You see, He uses pain and suffering to reveal Himself to us and put us on a different course if we allow Him to. He uses sorrow to teach me His ways (Psalm 119). He uses affliction to take the love of the world out of me and make me think eternally (Colossians 3:2). You might be thinking, 'I don't know if I could say that if it happened to me.' I'm not sure I could've said it either before this happened, but I know I will get Clark David back. I will see him again. I have that peace that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:7).You may be thinking, but don't you miss him? Don't you love him? Don't you hurt still? YES!YES! And YES! I think of him so often, especially through music. Some days through tears still. I think about Tucker and Tess too though, many times a day, but usually not through tears. They're here with me so I think of them more I'm sure, but there isn't a day that I don't think of Clark David many times a day and wonder what he's doing. That's why when I hear Tess mention her birthday, I automatically think of him too. It's funny how children want to know which child is the favorite. Sadly, we know and can tell sometimes parents and grandparents do have favorites. Look at Joseph in the Bible. But as I've explained in years past to my children, just as God has enough love to go around for all His children, I too have the capacity to love each child unconditionally with enough to go around. Just because I've learned so much through Clark David's life and because God "speaks" to me through this suffering, doesn't mean I love him more. I love them all deeply... the same.

As the time indicates above, early March 1st, after everyone was asleep (I wasn't sleepy) I started reading and praying. Later, before retiring for the night, I checked my junk email. For some reason lots of emails are winding up there and I hadn't realized it until recently. To my surprise I quickly noticed a new blog post from February 19th by Karen Harmening entitled, "GRIEVING TOO LONG?"  (see post). I clicked. I'm always anxious to read her writing because I can relate to her and most of the time the Lord has shown me similar things. She sometimes ends her post with a song/video and as I scrolled, I saw she had. The title of the song caught my attention. I wasn't familiar with it. As I started to listen, the tears fell, one right after the other. Wow, I wasn't expecting that. A rush of emotions and a bitter but sweet song. Yet another reminder of his absence, but also another reminder of God's love, grace, and mercy. How perfect. Timing is everything. It was meant for me to hear and be reminded of Heaven (not that I need reminding) on the first day of his birthday month, 13 days before what would've been his 25th birthday. But instead, he's going to spend his sixth birthday in the presence of the Lord which is far better (Hebrews & Philippians 1:21).

Reminder Through Your T-Shirt

Providentially, later that evening, Chad and Tucker had been in the basement cleaning up an area that evidently hasn't been touched in years. They came up and Chad said, "Look what we found." It was a Cullman High School Class of 2013 T-shirt of Clark David's wadded up under the stairwell. 'Isn't that something,' I thought. His "presence" still lingers. A tangible reminder of him this month. His memory fades, but never dies. His shirt was a reminder of him in more ways than one. I texted a friend to let her know what they had found. The correspondence led to me finding out her mother had recently passed away. It's amazing how God orchestrates all the details of life. The shirt was the catalyst to prompt me to share her story of how Clark David's life intersected with her's. 

Sometime this winter Chad saw one of Clark David's friend's mother at the bank. She asked if he had a few minutes because she wanted to share a story with him. He came home and told me best he could remember and it touched me so, but I thought I wish I could hear the story myself. About a month later, I ran into her at the grocery story (I hadn't seen her in years). Isn't that just like the Lord I thought?! As we both were surprised to see each other, we hugged and I thanked her for sharing and started asking questions. She was eager to engage. God knew I needed to hear the encouragement for myself. Here's Melisa's (McNeal Privett) story in her words: "It was a few days after Clark David's funeral (October 9, 2014). I was doing laundry one day, aggravated yet again about having to wash Lukas' clothes. It literally hit me like a ton of bricks, that Beth would love more than anything to have Clark David's dirty clothes to wash. I got down on my knees on the pile of clothes and made a commitment, that day, to never complain about Lukas' dirty clothes ever again. I always praise God for them and I pray for you, Chad, and your family. I really don't think I ever do his laundry without thinking of you and remembering Clark David. God really does work through small, everyday chores that we may think of as insignificant." As we texted back and forth one day, I told her the dirty piles of clothes reminded me of how Scripture says our sins are as filthy rags to the Lord (Isaiah 64:6) and as the washing machine takes the clothes and washes them, as we put our trust in the Lord Jesus, He takes our sins like scarlet and makes them white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool (Isaiah 1:18). Thank you Melisa, for sharing with us how God has used this to touch your heart. As you mentioned to me in November, "All these years I've been humbled and amazed by the 'power' some dirty laundry had on me that day. God is so much bigger than we can even fathom." He truly is so much bigger than we can fathom. And the God that created this vast universe is mindful of us is beyond my comprehension (What is man that You are mindful of him...Psalm 8:4a).  
"CALVARY COVERS IT ALL" 
(click to listen to songs here and below)

   

Wednesday, March 11

God is not caught off guard. He uses everything for His glory and your ultimate good. He uses tragedy to accomplish His will, and His will is right, holy and perfect.

--Max Lucado, "You'll Get Through This" Calendar

Thursday, March 12, 7p.m. - Reminder Through "A Happy"

I received "a happy" as my sister-in-law, Chanda, calls it. My mother-in-law had been to visit her and brought back a gift for me. I opened the box and a cute little green, grass bunny to display for Easter time was inside along with a note. It read: As always, thinking about Clark David especially more this week. So many things remind me of him, and I see life so differently because his Home is in Heaven now. It's no coincidence that his birthday is in the Springtime. The Lord uses that as a reminder to me, all things new! Isaiah 43:19

Friday, March 13, 10 a.m. - Reminder of God's Promises

As I walked to the mailbox today, I passed the cherry blossom tree planted in Clark David's memory.  I looked and to my surprise I noticed from a distance some growth. I got up closer and yes, there was a bloom starting to bud and new, green growth. The "happy" is what reminded me to look at the tree. Just like God again. Perfect timing! 

Thinking of You Card
The Son is Always Behind the Clouds

I received a card from my dear friend, Cloe. God has blessed me in so many ways with wonderful people to help me along the way, especially in my grief journey. She's such a godly example of an older women that teaches me (a younger woman) how to live a Christ-filled life. And she always remembers dates in a special way and prays for me and my family. I loved the message the picture on the front of the card brought to mind with the blue clouds, bright sun, and storm cloud with rain and sailboat on the water. It read: "Thinking of you and what you're going through, knowing that some days can be harder than others."  That's right and especially true in March for me. Celebrating Clark David's birthday is a harder day, but God always knows what He's doing when He sets up His calendar. Five days later, I get to celebrate another life that brings joy without sorrow. As I looked at the picture before opening the card, I thought, 'Yeah, so true. Life is sunshiny and bright with clouds for needed shade, but dark clouds pop up and rain beats down hard and we get tossed back and forth, but when we trust in Him at all times and pour out our heart before Him; God is a refuge for us (Psalm 62:8 NRSV). So, so true. Some days are harder than others in all of our lives, but if we didn't experience sorrow, how could we know joy? And if we didn't experience joy, how could we know sorrow? Only God intermingles the two and uses them for His purposes and glory...just look at the cross where Jesus bled and died to pay for the sins of the world (John 3:16). 

If all of life were sunshine, 

Our face would long to gain

And feel once more upon it

The cooling splash of rain.

--Henry Jackson Van Dyke

Saturday Morning, March 14th

Tess at Shamrock Run

Tess got to run with her cross country team at East Elementary School in the Shamrock Shuffle Color Run this morning that providentially fell on Clark David's birthday (God in all the details). She ran well and when it was over I noticed from a distance she seemed upset. Joshlynn, her teammate, was consoling her and when opportunity arose I went to hug them both not certain as to exactly why she was crying. She was sad about Clark David, but later she asked me if Alex (Clark David's friend from high school) worked at East Elementary. I let her know yes, she's a teacher there. Tess thought she saw her, but then thought maybe she was seeing things. I found out later via a text to Alex that she was there helping with the run. Tess had never seen Alex in person, so seeing her and knowing what good friend's Tess' brother and Alex were filled Tess with emotions. I was surprised that in a crowd that small I never saw Alex! I went to a funeral recently that Alex attended too. We did not cross paths. For reasons God only knows, He did not allow us to meet today or that day. I'm grateful for texting though and the sovereignty of God. It was amazing to me...Tess seeing Alex happened on this day. More reminders of Clark David and God's special touch on March 14th. 

Funny thing, CHS is hosting their annual prom today. The prom always brings to mind Clark David because it's so close to his birthday. And wouldn't you know it, this year it fell on his birthday! I cannot think of the prom and Clark David without thinking of Alex too. Only Alex knows how special that time was for her and what it means since he's been gone. I'm grateful she was a part of my son's life and he touched her live in a very special way as well. In memory of that, here are some special photos. I "know" how much she misses him.

Alex & Clark David at CHS

Alex & Clark David - March 16, 2013

Tree Planted in Clark David's Memory

Many times in years past, instead of sending out Christmas cards I sent New Year cards. Something about "new" I seemed to focus on. That hasn't changed since Clark David passed away. After my good friend Melonie (and CHS Class of 1985) gave us this tree and her husband Todd and Chad planted it in our front yard, it has been such a reminder of God's touch. Each Spring there have been several occasions where I would pull into the driveway and the same song would be playing on the radio,  "EVERYTHING COMES ALIVE" , now every time I hear that song, I think of "new" and how everything really does come alive in Him! There are so many reminders of how God is making all things new especially through His creation. 

Springtime is such a visible picture of rebirth and renewal.   
  I look around and see so many things blooming and think of the meaning behind Spring. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). He never changes, but He's in the business of changing things and making them new. All things new! And because He makes all things new, in Jesus Christ, He is "ALIVE IN US." 

"In changing times lay hold of the unchanging character of God." 
 From March 14 Calendar "You'll Get Through This by Max Lucado

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:19

He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then He said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." Revelation 21:5.

Saturday Evening, March 14th

Every year's been different. This March 14th the four of us, Chad, Tucker, Tess and I ended up at Buffalo Wild Wings again for dinner (Clark David loved chicken wings, hot ones...we have stories, lol). Then we went to see "I STILL BELIEVE."  I'm a big fan of Jeremy Camp's music. So many of his songs were there when I needed them years ago, and still are. Tess and I have even been to see him in concert. His concerts are like no others. He always presents the Gospel because he knows that believing on the Lord Jesus Christ is "THE ANSWER" to every question (click 'THE ANSWER' to hear song and see other's stories). I've known for awhile that the movie was being released in March, but I never dreamed the four of us would end up at the movie together on Clark David's birthday! Perfect timing. Thank You, Lord. A special gift from You (James 1:17). This movie is based on the true story of Jeremy Camp. I encourage you to click on "I still believe" above and listen to his interview because we learn and grow through others stories and are encouraged them and the hope they bring. I've recently come across the same words he spoke, "pain is universal...we all experience it." As the cliche goes, "we're all in the same boat," but I would add, each one is just in a different seat, experiencing something that God has designed uniquely for you. As I listened to the lyrics being sung in the movie, "I still believe in Your faithfulness, I still believe in Your truth, I still believe in Your holy Word, even when I don't see, I still believe....the only place I can go is into Your arms where I throw to You my feeble prayers in brokenness I can see that this was Your will for me, help me to know Your near," I thought, yes, Lord, I do too. I still believe!  (listen for yourself).

My story, like his, DID NOT result in "healing" this side of eternity. God knew when Clark David's time on Earth was over. I too, like Jeremy Camp, prayed and prayed selfishly. He wanted his new bride to live on Earth with him longer. I wanted my 19 year old son to live here longer and glorify the Lord with his life. But God did not allow that plan. His plan supersedes mine, but as Jonathan Evans reminded me (AS HE GAVE HIS MOTHER'S EULOGY), God's answer was always, yes, and yes! Is it beyond my comprehension? Yes and no. It's beyond my comprehension if I think like a natural man (or woman), but if I appraise all things like Scripture tells me to do (1 Corinthians 2:15), then that means I'm to think like a spiritual man (woman). I can only do that with the power of the Holy Spirit living in me. Jesus, the Helper has taught me through His Word to take heart, trouble will come, but He has overcome the world (John 16:33). He has shown me that my faith will be tested, to prove to me it's a real faith (1 Peter 1:6-7), and sometimes God disciplines me (Hebrews 12:4-12) so He can conform me to be and love more like Jesus (Romans 8:28-29) all to accomplish His plan and purposes for His glory. I trust in His holy Word and as another song by Jeremy Camp says,  "I WILL WALK BY FAITH.", even when I cannot see because this broken road prepares Your will for me. This temporary suffering is producing for me an everlasting weight of glory, far beyond any comparison (2 Corinthians 4:17-18). This broken road is preparing me for the day I will meet my Lord and Savior. He's gone to prepare a place for me so I can be with Him forever (John 14:2) and when He calls me Home I want to hear Him say "WELL DONE." (Matthew 25:21).There is no other way this happens than to go through the crucible. Just look at Jesus and the cross.

There are many times I hear of faith stories that result in answered prayers. Anytime the situation turns out like the person(s) requested, I hear people say, "praise the Lord." To my recollection, I've never heard someone say that when the result wasn't what they were expecting. But, God tells us to praise Him at all times. My prayer was answered. It was "yes," it just wasn't the "yes" I had hoped for. But, I will praise the Lord anyway. He is praiseworthy. God is good all the time and all the time God is good. I will "PRAISE HIM IN THE STORM."


Just and true are Your ways, King of the ages (Revelation 15:3).
...When the fires of affliction draw songs of praise from us, we are indeed purified, and our God is glorified! --Streams in the Desert


 God orchestrated the whole day for us and we were right where He wanted us to be. Each step we took and each place we stopped, all directed by Him. I'm glad I got to see such a powerful message of faith and hope on this day. Even though the day didn't turn out exactly as I would've liked...it was exactly as God liked. BLESSED BE YOUR NAME. Take one day at a time. He is still God and He has this! He is still on the throne!
"YOU GOT THIS."

Sunday morning, March 15th
Christ is building His Kingdom with the broken things of Earth. People desire only the strong, successful, victorious, and unbroken things in life to build their kingdoms, but God is the God of the unsuccessful--the God of those who have failed. Heaven is being filled with Earth's broken lives, and there is no "bruised reed" (Isaiah 42:3) that Christ cannot take and restore to a glorious place of blessing and beauty. He can take a life crushed by pain or sorrow and make it a harp whose music will be total praise . He can lift Earth's saddest failure up to Heaven's glory. --J.R. Miller
From Streams in the Desert


The above quote was on my streams in the desert calendar I keep in my bathroom, so I awoke to that reminder this morning. After attending church at Temple Baptist today and listening to "Trial of our Faith," I was amazed what Pastor Malcolm preached on. Isn't it just like God to affirm what He puts in our heart? That's what He did all through the songs and message. So many things he said resonated with me and I thought, that's some of the same things I pondered over while doing this post. I'm grateful for the time he spends in the Word (and all pastors for that matter) to bring a message of comfort and hope. No matter what trials come, whether small or big, on a personal or global scale like the coronavirus...God is still ruling and reigning and nothing catches Him off guard. Do you see this as a reason to fear? If so, maybe you need to cry out to the Lord. He is the way, there is no other, He rose from death to victory and He reigns in life, outshines the sun, is Lord over all, and He can make you new as the song we sang in church says, Jesus is "ALIVE IN US." 


No matter how broken, God can and will rebuild what's been broken in me. And He restores what's been stolen from me....
"YOU REDEEM"

THIS HAS BEEN MY MARCH WITH YOU AND MY MARCH WITHOUT YOU. 

Thank You, Lord for the gift of life eternal (John 11:25).

Memories fade, but as I was reminded today at church, our inheritance in the Lord never does. 
"Praise (or blessed) be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In His great mercy He has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in Heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time" (1 Peter 1:3-9).  
"EVERY PRAISE" belongs to God our Father!

October 2013 - Last picture by himself

THE EMPTY CHAIR
"It seems like every minute I've been dreaming about Heaven and all the things your precious eyes now see.

I stare at every picture wishing somehow I was with you cause nothing is the way it used to be.

We gather at the table where you  sat across from me and I can't get used to you not being there in that empty chair.

I can almost hear you laughing and see that pretty smile and I know that I'll be with you in just a little while.

Thank you, Carol for his pretty flowers!

I imagine as you gather all together at the table with the King there's an empty chair sitting right beside you that you have saved for me.

This world seems pretty cold since the day God called you Home and we had our final hug and last goodbye, but I know that you're there waiting for another celebration the day when we finally arrive. We'll gather at the table with our family and our God. Oh, I just can't wait until the day I'm there in that empty chair.

My homesick heart has always longed to see the Father's face, now Heaven's even sweeter since you walked into that place." 

We always remember you Clark David and think of you each in our own special way, we love you always and miss you so very much!! 

Happy Birthday With The Lord!!!

Jesus said to him  I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man comes to the Father, but by me
 (John 14:6).

Contrary to popular belief, there is only one way to God the Father and Heaven...it's through Jesus Christ. Believe on Him and be saved from the punishment of your sins so you won't have to go to Hell and pay for them FOREVER. We all will live forever in one place or the other. God says so.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

If you are battling with depression, addiction, or suicidal thoughts, please know YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You are not weak for admitting your need for help! You are not a burden to anyone! Don't believe the lies in your head! YOU ARE LOVED, but more importantly, you are loved by God, your Maker. Help IS available. Choose to talk to someone, share your feelings and get help! Most importantly, cry out to the Lord Jesus Christ and be saved.