MARCH WITHOUT YOU. MARCH WITH YOU

Sketch of Clark David by Anna Cleveland November 2014

12:45 a.m. March 1, 2020

I don't know why I'm up so late. 

I don't know why I haven't been able to write lately.

I don't know why my September blog I spent so much time on was never completed.

I don't know why things happen exactly as they do...

But, I do know that there is a God who knows all things and is in absolute control of everything! God Almighty, the Most High God is sovereign over everything, including time! He created them both. He spoke time into being, but He's not boxed into time like we are. God doesn't need a clock because He's not controlled by time. He operates on an eternal clock. 

Do you find yourself checking the clock numerous times a day? Or wonder when something you want to happen is going to take place? Don't we get ourselves into messes thinking we know better than God? Don't we many times forget to pray and ask Him what we should do? Then, many times we do what we think is best and get ahead of Him and miss His best for us. His ways are not our ways (Isaiah 55:8). His timing is perfect! Even if it doesn't seem right to us at the time, everything is on His schedule to be used how He sees fit (for our good). He's working all the time even when we cannot see it. Even when things look really, really bad to us....He is still working in the midst of it all.

 It's hard to articulate how grief and loss discombobulated my calendar. It's not as confusing as it once was. I'm able to think more clearly (my children wouldn't say so ;)), but it's really made me think of time differently. Some may blame it on age and maybe that has something to do with it now, but I've never experienced things gone so out of whack. Psalm 90:12 says, "Teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts to wisdom," as if this one were our last. That's not to say we live in fear because God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and a sound mind  (2 Timothy 1:7). And it doesn't mean that we think about death morbidly, but our lives are a vapor, that appears for a little time, and then vanishes away (James 4:14). When you lose someone you love you see how real this verse is. So, we should consider the shortness of our days. It's good to plan and set goals, but no need to be too rigid because we never know the moment it can all change (just look at all the schedule changes with the Coronavirus now). We never know when we get a dreaded phone call or receive news that rips our heart out. Life is really so short. I tend to focus more on today, giving tomorrow less thought than I once did. No wonder I forgot an appointment this week. Oh, well. His time is the right time. And by the way, if we don't apply our heart to wisdom, that leaves us with no common sense. Hmm... I wonder why it's hard to find toilet tissue on the shelves of stores? As my sister brought to my attention recently while in a grocery store, why, when the toilet tissue shelf is empty do you still see an abundance of napkins to purchase? Common sense may be lost (unless we’re really not in dire straits). The items are basically the same just a different shape and thickness.  Sorry, I digressed.

"A man's heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps." Proverbs 16:9

Saturday evening February 29th, Tess said, "Tomorrow is March 1st, my birth month." Wow, I thought, already March again. I said, "That's right, it sure is." Sounds like I need to look at the calendar more.

As a mom with two children born in the month of March, I naturally think of their two birthdays simultaneously. I never think of one without the other. One child here doesn't erase the existence of the other one not here. It's always a reminder of a life gone. But it's also a reminder of another gift of life still to be lived...both to be celebrated, just differently. One child's birthday doesn't take precedence over another child's. They're equally important to me. Two very special gifts. One male, the other female. So different, but so much alike.

God blessed Chad and me with three children. Unless something happens to my memory, I won't forget each one, each child's uniqueness, character, and personality. As I'm continuing to see, each one teaches me something different. As parents we sometimes tend to think (or I did) that we do all the teaching and training. But I'm finding out more and more that God uses them to teach me. Probably without them knowing it, I've had to learn to be more patient, not ask too many questions, pick the right timing, serve more, love more, and pray more. I fail! None of these things have been mastered, but the Lord is helping me. But something God has taught me that I've learned no other way, came through the earthly death of my eldest son Clark David. The Lord, through Clark David, has taught me to cry out to Him in my despair. I've not stopped calling out to Him since. He's my constant help and companion. You see, when God is all you have, you realize He is all you need. He is the great Counselor, Healer, Redeemer, Restorer, Deliverer. He is everything I need. He sustains and satisfies. As Jeremy Camp says in his interview linked below, when a trial hits, you have two choices, run to God or run away! Crying out to the Lord is the only way that you will be saved and rescued, redeemed and restored.  

The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, And with my song will I praise Him. (Psalm 28:7)

Sometimes I still get a feeling or that look, that people feel sorry for me. I mean I understand sharing in someone's sorrow because we're to weep with those who weep (and rejoice with those who rejoice -Romans 12:15), but I'm talking about that look. If you've been there you know. If you haven't, you don't and that's okay. But it's those people that I feel sorry because they must not have what I have or they've not yet experienced a fiery affliction and cried out to the Lord. This pain and affliction has brought me so much closer to my heavenly Father and for that I'm grateful. I've been asked before, if  you could change it would you? If you could have your son back, would you reverse this? I would not. Because I wouldn't know the Lord as intimately as I do and see what I see if it hadn't been for this. You see, He uses pain and suffering to reveal Himself to us and put us on a different course if we allow Him to. He uses sorrow to teach me His ways (Psalm 119). He uses affliction to take the love of the world out of me and make me think eternally (Colossians 3:2). You might be thinking, 'I don't know if I could say that if it happened to me.' I'm not sure I could've said it either before this happened, but I know I will get Clark David back. I will see him again. I have that peace that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:7).You may be thinking, but don't you miss him? Don't you love him? Don't you hurt still? YES!YES! And YES! I think of him so often, especially through music. Some days through tears still. I think about Tucker and Tess too though, many times a day, but usually not through tears. They're here with me so I think of them more I'm sure, but there isn't a day that I don't think of Clark David many times a day and wonder what he's doing. That's why when I hear Tess mention her birthday, I automatically think of him too. It's funny how children want to know which child is the favorite. Sadly, we know and can tell sometimes parents and grandparents do have favorites. Look at Joseph in the Bible. But as I've explained in years past to my children, just as God has enough love to go around for all His children, I too have the capacity to love each child unconditionally with enough to go around. Just because I've learned so much through Clark David's life and because God "speaks" to me through this suffering, doesn't mean I love him more. I love them all deeply... the same.

As the time indicates above, early March 1st, after everyone was asleep (I wasn't sleepy) I started reading and praying. Later, before retiring for the night, I checked my junk email. For some reason lots of emails are winding up there and I hadn't realized it until recently. To my surprise I quickly noticed a new blog post from February 19th by Karen Harmening entitled, "GRIEVING TOO LONG?"  (see post). I clicked. I'm always anxious to read her writing because I can relate to her and most of the time the Lord has shown me similar things. She sometimes ends her post with a song/video and as I scrolled, I saw she had. The title of the song caught my attention. I wasn't familiar with it. As I started to listen, the tears fell, one right after the other. Wow, I wasn't expecting that. A rush of emotions and a bitter but sweet song. Yet another reminder of his absence, but also another reminder of God's love, grace, and mercy. How perfect. Timing is everything. It was meant for me to hear and be reminded of Heaven (not that I need reminding) on the first day of his birthday month, 13 days before what would've been his 25th birthday. But instead, he's going to spend his sixth birthday in the presence of the Lord which is far better (Hebrews & Philippians 1:21).

Reminder Through Your T-Shirt

Providentially, later that evening, Chad and Tucker had been in the basement cleaning up an area that evidently hasn't been touched in years. They came up and Chad said, "Look what we found." It was a Cullman High School Class of 2013 T-shirt of Clark David's wadded up under the stairwell. 'Isn't that something,' I thought. His "presence" still lingers. A tangible reminder of him this month. His memory fades, but never dies. His shirt was a reminder of him in more ways than one. I texted a friend to let her know what they had found. The correspondence led to me finding out her mother had recently passed away. It's amazing how God orchestrates all the details of life. The shirt was the catalyst to prompt me to share her story of how Clark David's life intersected with her's. 

Sometime this winter Chad saw one of Clark David's friend's mother at the bank. She asked if he had a few minutes because she wanted to share a story with him. He came home and told me best he could remember and it touched me so, but I thought I wish I could hear the story myself. About a month later, I ran into her at the grocery story (I hadn't seen her in years). Isn't that just like the Lord I thought?! As we both were surprised to see each other, we hugged and I thanked her for sharing and started asking questions. She was eager to engage. God knew I needed to hear the encouragement for myself. Here's Melisa's (McNeal Privett) story in her words: "It was a few days after Clark David's funeral (October 9, 2014). I was doing laundry one day, aggravated yet again about having to wash Lukas' clothes. It literally hit me like a ton of bricks, that Beth would love more than anything to have Clark David's dirty clothes to wash. I got down on my knees on the pile of clothes and made a commitment, that day, to never complain about Lukas' dirty clothes ever again. I always praise God for them and I pray for you, Chad, and your family. I really don't think I ever do his laundry without thinking of you and remembering Clark David. God really does work through small, everyday chores that we may think of as insignificant." As we texted back and forth one day, I told her the dirty piles of clothes reminded me of how Scripture says our sins are as filthy rags to the Lord (Isaiah 64:6) and as the washing machine takes the clothes and washes them, as we put our trust in the Lord Jesus, He takes our sins like scarlet and makes them white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool (Isaiah 1:18). Thank you Melisa, for sharing with us how God has used this to touch your heart. As you mentioned to me in November, "All these years I've been humbled and amazed by the 'power' some dirty laundry had on me that day. God is so much bigger than we can even fathom." He truly is so much bigger than we can fathom. And the God that created this vast universe is mindful of us is beyond my comprehension (What is man that You are mindful of him...Psalm 8:4a).  
"CALVARY COVERS IT ALL" 
(click to listen to songs here and below)

   

Wednesday, March 11

God is not caught off guard. He uses everything for His glory and your ultimate good. He uses tragedy to accomplish His will, and His will is right, holy and perfect.

--Max Lucado, "You'll Get Through This" Calendar

Thursday, March 12, 7p.m. - Reminder Through "A Happy"

I received "a happy" as my sister-in-law, Chanda, calls it. My mother-in-law had been to visit her and brought back a gift for me. I opened the box and a cute little green, grass bunny to display for Easter time was inside along with a note. It read: As always, thinking about Clark David especially more this week. So many things remind me of him, and I see life so differently because his Home is in Heaven now. It's no coincidence that his birthday is in the Springtime. The Lord uses that as a reminder to me, all things new! Isaiah 43:19

Friday, March 13, 10 a.m. - Reminder of God's Promises

As I walked to the mailbox today, I passed the cherry blossom tree planted in Clark David's memory.  I looked and to my surprise I noticed from a distance some growth. I got up closer and yes, there was a bloom starting to bud and new, green growth. The "happy" is what reminded me to look at the tree. Just like God again. Perfect timing! 

Thinking of You Card
The Son is Always Behind the Clouds

I received a card from my dear friend, Cloe. God has blessed me in so many ways with wonderful people to help me along the way, especially in my grief journey. She's such a godly example of an older women that teaches me (a younger woman) how to live a Christ-filled life. And she always remembers dates in a special way and prays for me and my family. I loved the message the picture on the front of the card brought to mind with the blue clouds, bright sun, and storm cloud with rain and sailboat on the water. It read: "Thinking of you and what you're going through, knowing that some days can be harder than others."  That's right and especially true in March for me. Celebrating Clark David's birthday is a harder day, but God always knows what He's doing when He sets up His calendar. Five days later, I get to celebrate another life that brings joy without sorrow. As I looked at the picture before opening the card, I thought, 'Yeah, so true. Life is sunshiny and bright with clouds for needed shade, but dark clouds pop up and rain beats down hard and we get tossed back and forth, but when we trust in Him at all times and pour out our heart before Him; God is a refuge for us (Psalm 62:8 NRSV). So, so true. Some days are harder than others in all of our lives, but if we didn't experience sorrow, how could we know joy? And if we didn't experience joy, how could we know sorrow? Only God intermingles the two and uses them for His purposes and glory...just look at the cross where Jesus bled and died to pay for the sins of the world (John 3:16). 

If all of life were sunshine, 

Our face would long to gain

And feel once more upon it

The cooling splash of rain.

--Henry Jackson Van Dyke

Saturday Morning, March 14th

Tess at Shamrock Run

Tess got to run with her cross country team at East Elementary School in the Shamrock Shuffle Color Run this morning that providentially fell on Clark David's birthday (God in all the details). She ran well and when it was over I noticed from a distance she seemed upset. Joshlynn, her teammate, was consoling her and when opportunity arose I went to hug them both not certain as to exactly why she was crying. She was sad about Clark David, but later she asked me if Alex (Clark David's friend from high school) worked at East Elementary. I let her know yes, she's a teacher there. Tess thought she saw her, but then thought maybe she was seeing things. I found out later via a text to Alex that she was there helping with the run. Tess had never seen Alex in person, so seeing her and knowing what good friend's Tess' brother and Alex were filled Tess with emotions. I was surprised that in a crowd that small I never saw Alex! I went to a funeral recently that Alex attended too. We did not cross paths. For reasons God only knows, He did not allow us to meet today or that day. I'm grateful for texting though and the sovereignty of God. It was amazing to me...Tess seeing Alex happened on this day. More reminders of Clark David and God's special touch on March 14th. 

Funny thing, CHS is hosting their annual prom today. The prom always brings to mind Clark David because it's so close to his birthday. And wouldn't you know it, this year it fell on his birthday! I cannot think of the prom and Clark David without thinking of Alex too. Only Alex knows how special that time was for her and what it means since he's been gone. I'm grateful she was a part of my son's life and he touched her live in a very special way as well. In memory of that, here are some special photos. I "know" how much she misses him.

Alex & Clark David at CHS

Alex & Clark David - March 16, 2013

Tree Planted in Clark David's Memory

Many times in years past, instead of sending out Christmas cards I sent New Year cards. Something about "new" I seemed to focus on. That hasn't changed since Clark David passed away. After my good friend Melonie (and CHS Class of 1985) gave us this tree and her husband Todd and Chad planted it in our front yard, it has been such a reminder of God's touch. Each Spring there have been several occasions where I would pull into the driveway and the same song would be playing on the radio,  "EVERYTHING COMES ALIVE" , now every time I hear that song, I think of "new" and how everything really does come alive in Him! There are so many reminders of how God is making all things new especially through His creation. 

Springtime is such a visible picture of rebirth and renewal.   
  I look around and see so many things blooming and think of the meaning behind Spring. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). He never changes, but He's in the business of changing things and making them new. All things new! And because He makes all things new, in Jesus Christ, He is "ALIVE IN US." 

"In changing times lay hold of the unchanging character of God." 
 From March 14 Calendar "You'll Get Through This by Max Lucado

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:19

He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then He said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." Revelation 21:5.

Saturday Evening, March 14th

Every year's been different. This March 14th the four of us, Chad, Tucker, Tess and I ended up at Buffalo Wild Wings again for dinner (Clark David loved chicken wings, hot ones...we have stories, lol). Then we went to see "I STILL BELIEVE."  I'm a big fan of Jeremy Camp's music. So many of his songs were there when I needed them years ago, and still are. Tess and I have even been to see him in concert. His concerts are like no others. He always presents the Gospel because he knows that believing on the Lord Jesus Christ is "THE ANSWER" to every question (click 'THE ANSWER' to hear song and see other's stories). I've known for awhile that the movie was being released in March, but I never dreamed the four of us would end up at the movie together on Clark David's birthday! Perfect timing. Thank You, Lord. A special gift from You (James 1:17). This movie is based on the true story of Jeremy Camp. I encourage you to click on "I still believe" above and listen to his interview because we learn and grow through others stories and are encouraged them and the hope they bring. I've recently come across the same words he spoke, "pain is universal...we all experience it." As the cliche goes, "we're all in the same boat," but I would add, each one is just in a different seat, experiencing something that God has designed uniquely for you. As I listened to the lyrics being sung in the movie, "I still believe in Your faithfulness, I still believe in Your truth, I still believe in Your holy Word, even when I don't see, I still believe....the only place I can go is into Your arms where I throw to You my feeble prayers in brokenness I can see that this was Your will for me, help me to know Your near," I thought, yes, Lord, I do too. I still believe!  (listen for yourself).

My story, like his, DID NOT result in "healing" this side of eternity. God knew when Clark David's time on Earth was over. I too, like Jeremy Camp, prayed and prayed selfishly. He wanted his new bride to live on Earth with him longer. I wanted my 19 year old son to live here longer and glorify the Lord with his life. But God did not allow that plan. His plan supersedes mine, but as Jonathan Evans reminded me (AS HE GAVE HIS MOTHER'S EULOGY), God's answer was always, yes, and yes! Is it beyond my comprehension? Yes and no. It's beyond my comprehension if I think like a natural man (or woman), but if I appraise all things like Scripture tells me to do (1 Corinthians 2:15), then that means I'm to think like a spiritual man (woman). I can only do that with the power of the Holy Spirit living in me. Jesus, the Helper has taught me through His Word to take heart, trouble will come, but He has overcome the world (John 16:33). He has shown me that my faith will be tested, to prove to me it's a real faith (1 Peter 1:6-7), and sometimes God disciplines me (Hebrews 12:4-12) so He can conform me to be and love more like Jesus (Romans 8:28-29) all to accomplish His plan and purposes for His glory. I trust in His holy Word and as another song by Jeremy Camp says,  "I WILL WALK BY FAITH.", even when I cannot see because this broken road prepares Your will for me. This temporary suffering is producing for me an everlasting weight of glory, far beyond any comparison (2 Corinthians 4:17-18). This broken road is preparing me for the day I will meet my Lord and Savior. He's gone to prepare a place for me so I can be with Him forever (John 14:2) and when He calls me Home I want to hear Him say "WELL DONE." (Matthew 25:21).There is no other way this happens than to go through the crucible. Just look at Jesus and the cross.

There are many times I hear of faith stories that result in answered prayers. Anytime the situation turns out like the person(s) requested, I hear people say, "praise the Lord." To my recollection, I've never heard someone say that when the result wasn't what they were expecting. But, God tells us to praise Him at all times. My prayer was answered. It was "yes," it just wasn't the "yes" I had hoped for. But, I will praise the Lord anyway. He is praiseworthy. God is good all the time and all the time God is good. I will "PRAISE HIM IN THE STORM."


Just and true are Your ways, King of the ages (Revelation 15:3).
...When the fires of affliction draw songs of praise from us, we are indeed purified, and our God is glorified! --Streams in the Desert


 God orchestrated the whole day for us and we were right where He wanted us to be. Each step we took and each place we stopped, all directed by Him. I'm glad I got to see such a powerful message of faith and hope on this day. Even though the day didn't turn out exactly as I would've liked...it was exactly as God liked. BLESSED BE YOUR NAME. Take one day at a time. He is still God and He has this! He is still on the throne!
"YOU GOT THIS."

Sunday morning, March 15th
Christ is building His Kingdom with the broken things of Earth. People desire only the strong, successful, victorious, and unbroken things in life to build their kingdoms, but God is the God of the unsuccessful--the God of those who have failed. Heaven is being filled with Earth's broken lives, and there is no "bruised reed" (Isaiah 42:3) that Christ cannot take and restore to a glorious place of blessing and beauty. He can take a life crushed by pain or sorrow and make it a harp whose music will be total praise . He can lift Earth's saddest failure up to Heaven's glory. --J.R. Miller
From Streams in the Desert


The above quote was on my streams in the desert calendar I keep in my bathroom, so I awoke to that reminder this morning. After attending church at Temple Baptist today and listening to "Trial of our Faith," I was amazed what Pastor Malcolm preached on. Isn't it just like God to affirm what He puts in our heart? That's what He did all through the songs and message. So many things he said resonated with me and I thought, that's some of the same things I pondered over while doing this post. I'm grateful for the time he spends in the Word (and all pastors for that matter) to bring a message of comfort and hope. No matter what trials come, whether small or big, on a personal or global scale like the coronavirus...God is still ruling and reigning and nothing catches Him off guard. Do you see this as a reason to fear? If so, maybe you need to cry out to the Lord. He is the way, there is no other, He rose from death to victory and He reigns in life, outshines the sun, is Lord over all, and He can make you new as the song we sang in church says, Jesus is "ALIVE IN US." 


No matter how broken, God can and will rebuild what's been broken in me. And He restores what's been stolen from me....
"YOU REDEEM"

THIS HAS BEEN MY MARCH WITH YOU AND MY MARCH WITHOUT YOU. 

Thank You, Lord for the gift of life eternal (John 11:25).

Memories fade, but as I was reminded today at church, our inheritance in the Lord never does. 
"Praise (or blessed) be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In His great mercy He has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in Heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time" (1 Peter 1:3-9).  
"EVERY PRAISE" belongs to God our Father!

October 2013 - Last picture by himself

THE EMPTY CHAIR
"It seems like every minute I've been dreaming about Heaven and all the things your precious eyes now see.

I stare at every picture wishing somehow I was with you cause nothing is the way it used to be.

We gather at the table where you  sat across from me and I can't get used to you not being there in that empty chair.

I can almost hear you laughing and see that pretty smile and I know that I'll be with you in just a little while.

Thank you, Carol for his pretty flowers!

I imagine as you gather all together at the table with the King there's an empty chair sitting right beside you that you have saved for me.

This world seems pretty cold since the day God called you Home and we had our final hug and last goodbye, but I know that you're there waiting for another celebration the day when we finally arrive. We'll gather at the table with our family and our God. Oh, I just can't wait until the day I'm there in that empty chair.

My homesick heart has always longed to see the Father's face, now Heaven's even sweeter since you walked into that place." 

We always remember you Clark David and think of you each in our own special way, we love you always and miss you so very much!! 

Happy Birthday With The Lord!!!

Jesus said to him  I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man comes to the Father, but by me
 (John 14:6).

Contrary to popular belief, there is only one way to God the Father and Heaven...it's through Jesus Christ. Believe on Him and be saved from the punishment of your sins so you won't have to go to Hell and pay for them FOREVER. We all will live forever in one place or the other. God says so.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

If you are battling with depression, addiction, or suicidal thoughts, please know YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You are not weak for admitting your need for help! You are not a burden to anyone! Don't believe the lies in your head! YOU ARE LOVED, but more importantly, you are loved by God, your Maker. Help IS available. Choose to talk to someone, share your feelings and get help! Most importantly, cry out to the Lord Jesus Christ and be saved.

This is My Freedom Hymn

Flag Flying Feb. 23, 2018 at Our Residence 

That brisk day in February last year as I heard the American flag flapping in the wind, I looked up. I do that a lot. I noticed the clouds and the pretty blue sky, then for some reason I focused on the flag. We Americans pledge our allegiance to this flag and think we are free and we are a free country, but do we really have freedom? Are we indeed free?

 Eight days ago we celebrated the day that commemorates the adoption of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776, our nation's birthday; the day the USA became a free and independent state from England. As the iconic American saying goes, "freedom isn't free." Lives are lost in order for others to claim these freedoms. 

I'm grateful to have been born in the United States of America. I thank the Lord for the privilege and luxury of living here in this "land of the free and the home of the brave." I'm also grateful for our country's men and women in uniform who make sacrifices to preserve our Constitutional freedoms and those who have died in the fight.

But there is a freedom that is far greater than any physical or political freedom we're granted and it's offered to the world (John 3:16). It wasn't free either. In contrast to the many lives lost to pay for our freedoms, it only took One life to pay for the ransom of many. An ultimate sacrifice had to be paid by a sinless Man to make this freedom available...our spiritual freedom. This Man, Jesus Christ, willingly laid down His innocent life for the guilty and was crucified to pay a debt we couldn't pay. It's His blood that was shed that makes one truly free. He died for all mankind's sins so, in Him, we wouldn't have to be condemned and spend eternity in Hell (Romans 8:1). Salvation is free to us because of God's amazing grace, mercy, and love. But just like this Gift came at a great price and cost God the life of His Son, accepting it will cost you everything. It will all be worth it in the end, however it won't be easy. You will have to sacrifice a lot...your life (Romans 12:1). As I've heard International Mission Board president David Platt say, "Are you willing to give God a blank check with your life? Are you willing to give Him the check and let Him fill in the blanks?"

Webster's Dictionary defines freedom as "independence, political liberty, exemption from an obligation, a being able to act freely, a right, or privilege."

In the "land of the free," we often confuse the true nature of freedom. For many of us, freedom has become synonymous with personal independence--the ability to make our own decisions and choose our own path in life, to do whatever we want, whenever we want. In other words, "outside freedom." But this is not the freedom that Jesus promised us. When Jesus revealed Himself as the Messiah, He said that He had come to Earth to "proclaim freedom" (Luke 4:18). Jesus was not setting us free to do whatever we wanted; He was freeing us to do what we ought to do. He was liberating us to walk in relationship with God and to be the kind of people He created us to be. In other words, "inside freedom" --the ability to obey God and choose His will for our lives. And this is the freedom that sin had long denied us. Jesus shocked the Pharisees, the spiritual leaders of His day, when He stated, "I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin" (John 8:34 emphasis mine). Jesus was asserting that we are all under the power and control of a natural tendency to sin. Sin brings a penalty that, by ourselves, we cannot escape. The Bible says in Romans 6:23, "The wages of sin is death (focusonthefamily.com -Freedom in Christ).

 Yes, we are a free country, but are we deceived in what true freedom is? Are we free from hate, anger, unforgiveness, arguing, complaining, divorce, sexual immorality, disease, gluttony, disunity, gossip, abortion, homosexuality, impatience, coveteousness, greed, envy, suing our brother, financial debt, lying, lust, materialism, accumulating, pleasure, stealing, pride, idolatry, fear, laziness, murder, suicide, self, death?  And the list goes on. No, we are not free. We all are slaves to sin because we were each born with heart disease. Only if our soul is born-again (John 3:1-21) can we experience THE CURE our heart longs for. Are we "living the American dream" and thinking we are free? Are we trying to gain the whole world, but possibly "LOSE MY (OUR) SOUL? 

No one is truly free until the truth is known. Freedom has to do with truth. But not just knowing about the truth, submitting to that truth. Jesus said to the Jews who had believed Him, "If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free" (John 8:31-32 emphasis mine). It says in the Holy Bible, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" (Jeremiah 17:9 KJV). True freedom takes place in the heart. Our hearts need a transplant. When we accept this free gift of salvation through Jesus, God does open heart surgery. He removes our heart of stone and gives us a soft, pliable one."A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you a heart of flesh" (Ezekiel 36:26 KJV). No longer are we spiritually dead and Satan's child, but we're made spiritually ALIVE in Jesus Christ...we have a new birthday. I love how The Living Bible says it, "For He has rescued us out of the darkness of gloom of Satan's kingdom and brought us into the Kingdom of His dear Son, who bought our freedom with His blood and forgave us all our sins (Colossians 1:13-14).

This new heart and soul desires to love God. It sees Jesus Christ as beautiful and desires to love Him as the Savior and Lord of  his life. By faith, we give our life to Jesus and receive forgiveness and freedom from sin. Not only this, but we are now free to do the very thing we were created to do --to honor and enjoy God forever. And this joy in God is from our heart --our new heart given to us by God. This is true freedom. This is grace (www.thelife.com what is true freedom). 

Three years ago Chad (my husband) was handed an old church bulletin from our pastor at the time. Steve was cleaning out his office files and came across his notes from the message he delivered on Sunday, July 1, 2001 and he remembered us. Steve figured we would want the bulletin because just two years prior, our son had breathed his last.This message. Little did I nor Steve know when it got in my hands how meaningful it would be. I couldn't wait to get back home to read it. As I sat there reading alone, I was amazed to see Steve's message was titled "Real Freedom" on the day our eldest son was baptized. God had spoken to my heart many times about freedom after Clark David's earthly death. That's where one of the words in the title of my blog address originated, "Forgiven. Flawless. Free." As I read and pondered it all, God spoke to my heart and gave more affirmation and peace to me. When my pain was still so raw, God comforted me once again that Clark David was so free! I felt this might be a future post.

I doubted my son's salvation momentarily after his death. God knew this of course, and spoke to me through two friends, one whom I wrote about in 2017 (see November post). God settled those thoughts within hours after his passing through them both. To me, it's been so amazing to look back in the rear view mirror to see God's hand in every single detail of my life. He keeps me amazed how He intricately weaves everything together and how He uses people to do His work and help bring comfort. The bulletin was kept and hand-delivered to us by God through Steve to touch me years later. Also a sweet friend, Vickie Parker and I were talking on the phone just two days before the 4th about the sovereignty of God and she later texted me, "Isn't it amazing how He sends just what we need right when we need it? Maybe it's to remind us He's paying attention! Because sometimes I think, 'Lord, are You LOOKING? I'm in a mess down here!"

Last year, I finally started writing my thoughts down from that encounter with Steve. My intentions were to post on Independence day because of the correlating message about freedom, but when the 7th quickly came, I thought too much time had elapsed. I knew the time wasn't right, so I saved it. As I've mentioned before, I feel compelled to share what God puts on my heart for whatever reasons only He knows. It takes a lot of thought and prayer in listening to the Holy Spirit to know what and when to write. It's funny because I thought this post had taken precedence over my previous post, however it would be another year in the making. I'm glad I listened and waited; He has shown me much more in the process and the post would have been what I intended, not God. I also would've missed the important detail of the butterfly in the garage. God is teaching me a lot about waiting and how He works while I wait. I know God doesn't need my help to accomplish anything, but He does call His children to be obedient and follow His leading. I know my purpose is to "sprinkle seeds" and share what He's teaching me for the benefit of others and the growing of His Kingdom. 

March 14, 2016 I posted about Clark David's salvation story. One year later, he was baptized. The Holy Spirit prompted him to ask questions and gave him the desire to be obedient in baptism. After discussion and understanding from a six year old perspective, Steve baptized him at Seventh Street Baptist Church. I don't know what Clark David remembered that day (I highly doubt he remembered the message.. I know I didn't), but I know he loved the Lord, was growing, had a heart to please Jesus Christ and had a heart for others to know Him too. Even though his light flickered out, I continue to be his torch bearer to share God's message of hope through his life. I'm grateful God left behind Steve's notes to pass on to me:

As Pastor Steve taught from God's Word that day, real freedom is all about truth: 

1. Freedom has to do with truth.

a. Not just any truth, but the truth?

b. But what is the truth. The truth is based on more than what (no one comes to the Father, but through Me) but also who (I am). (John 14:6) 

2. This truth cannot make you free unless:

a. It is believed (in mind, will, and action).

"...the Truth - shall - make you free."

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life." (John 3:16)

b. It is accepted.

"...the truth shall - make- you free"

It was for freedom that Christ set us free; (Galatians 5:1a)

c. It is personal.

"...the truth shall - make - you free."

"...whoever believes may in Him have eternal life." (John 3:15)

d. But how can you know if you really know the truth?

"If you abide in My Word, then you are truly disciples of Mine, and you shall know the truth (John 8:31b-32a).

3. This freedom is real freedom. 

"...the truth shall make you - free." 

a. Because without this truth you're already enslaved.

Jesus answered them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who commits sin is the slave of sin."

Pastor Steve Britts' Notes

(1) slaves to its power

...for all have sinned (Romans 3:23)

(2) slaves to its penalty

For the wages of sin is death, (Romans 6:23)

b. And with this truth you're really free.

"If therefore the Son shall make you free, you shall be free indeed." (John 8:36)

c. But what is real freedom?

It's no longer being enslaved by sin and to sin but being set free to God's enslavement.

But now having been freed from sin and enslaved to God, you derive your benefit, resulting in sanctification, and the outcome, eternal life (Romans 6:22).

 The freedom Jesus offers is a spiritual freedom from the chains of the bondage of sin - that is, a release from the lifestyle of habitual lawlessness. Jesus is the truth (John 14:6). Knowing the truth will set one at liberty - free from sin, free from condemnation, and free from death (Romans 6:22; 8:1-2). Jesus came to proclaim liberty to the captives (Luke 4:18). "Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants to God" (1 Peter 2:16, ESV)..

(www.gotquestions.org)

 As our freedom to live in this land wasn't free, the same speaks true of our need for forgiveness.Thankfully, through Jesus Christ we can be set free. JESUS PAID IT ALL.
There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends (John 15:13). His death (innocent blood) satisfied a holy God to pay for the world's sins. Those that are born-again are free, not free to do what they want, but to live in obedience to His desires for their lives. His way is perfect. We mess up so much. But when we royally blow it, depend on ourselves, and live selfishly, if we repent and return to Him, He will turn it all into good (Romans 8:28-29). He's a just, merciful Father who is full of lovingkindness. However, we're not free from the consequences of our sin choices, but praise the Lord, God is a God of redemption and restoration. Jesus' great sacrifice and love paid for all sins, past, present, and future. Once and done! If you sin today (you probably will) and die before you have time to confess your sins, you still will be escorted by angels into His presence, if you have been BORN AGAIN. True freedom is who makes one free...Jesus! Jesus is the truth and through Him there is eternal life with Him in Heaven, not eternal damnation.

Some might say, in Christ, you are now a slave to Him and aren't free to do what you want. True, we become His slaves which is far better. What they don't yet understand yet is, not everything is beneficial to me. We're also not free from sins consequences. Still others say even in Christ, you are free to do what you want because grace covers your sin. Grace is not a license to sin. That's rebellion towards God. If you're truly His child, discipline will come to turn you back to Him, but you won't escape His repercussions. When you are "free to do what you want," and you're not a follower of Jesus Christ, you are still a slave (a slave to sin). Satan has you like a puppet on a string and you follow his ways which leads to spiritual death and/or eternal punishment. God is God and because He is God, He has a perfect plan and knows what's best. If and when He becomes your Master, you go from slavery to slavery, yes, but God's slavery benefits you. It doesn't destroy you. Trust in Him. He knows best. Don't be tricked by the master deceiver, Satan, who comes to steal, kill, and destroy all in his path with his lies. "The thief comes only to steal, and kill and destroy; I (Jesus) have come that they may have life and have it to the full" (John 10:10).

For when you were slaves of sin (unsaved), you were free in regard to righteousness. Therefore what benefit were you then deriving from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the outcome of those things is death. But now having been freed from sin and enslaved to God, you derive your benefit, resulting in sanctification, and the outcome, eternal life (Romans 6:2--22) www.onepassionministries.org/transcripts

Who is your master? What are you mastered by?
Do you know the Truth? Have you been forgiven? Are you free or have you fallen back under bondage again?
Jesus can set you free the Enemy's snare! Trust in Jesus. Allow Him to take the SHACKLES off!

"I breath the air of freedom in knowing my life is better off in Your hands
The past is gone, what's done is done now I'm alive and I'm never gonna look back 
I can never be, never be, free without You
I can never be, never be me, without You
This is the sound of chains breaking
This is the beat of a heart changing
This is a song of a soul forgiven
This is my FREEDOM HYMN, my freedom hymn
Who the Son sets (free)
Is free indeed

Tess -July 4,2015 

I'm free...

Clark David & Tucker -Jan. 1, 2002

Thank You, Lord for the free gift of salvation through the shedding of Your innocent blood for my sins. Because of my second birth, I am WHO YOU SAY I AM. and You say I AM FREE.

For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God (Ephesians 2:8).

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom (2 Corinthians 3:17).

"I have the right to do anything," you say--but not everything is beneficial. "I have the right to do anything"--but I will not be mastered by anything (1 Corinthians 6:12).

It is for freedom that Christ has set you free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery (Galatians 5:1).

 

Broken and Trapped -July 4, 2019

On July 4th, I was thinking about the day and what God laid on my heart years ago, a thought came to me. I felt like I had posted this already. Wait...maybe I had, I just couldn't remember. I thought why do I keep thinking about this? As I was going in the house to check the computer, I spotted a yellow butterfly flitting around in the garage by the window (I've written about butterflies and the garage before). To my surprise, I found the draft! I had completely forgotten. I remembered the butterfly. As I went back to check and see if it was still trapped in the garage, I noticed it had tired of trying to find a way out and had given up and was sitting on the window sill. It's wing was broken; just like other butterflies I've written about. I tried to catch it. It let me move slowly towards it but as I grabbed its wing, it started flapping and I let go. I was quickly trying to raise the window from the bottom first and then the top so I could let it escape all the while trying to video. I managed to capture it flying about, but was unable to film the moment of freedom as it flew out the window. As I looked back at the video, it reminded me of our brokenness and entrapment before we realize there is a way of escape if we just look to and trust the One whose in total control.

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature; old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Butterflies: A Story of Rebirth 

Rebirth can be a difficult concept to understand, but the lovely little butterfly offers a picture of what takes place when Christ comes into a human heart. The caterpillar's metamorphosis provides a wonderful illustration of a believer's spiritual transformation: 

The caterpillar or larva is in the feeding phase. It eats the leaves in its world just as we feed on the ideas of the world around us.

At the chrysalis or pupa stage, the caterpillar appears lifeless. Jesus' lifeless body was taken down off the cross and placed in a tomb. A believer's chrysalis stage is when we die to sin.

The caterpillar emerges from its cocoon, transformed into a completely new creature. Similarly, we who recognize our sin, confess it, receive God's forgiveness, and accept Jesus Christ as our Savior and Lord are transformed into new life in Him.

The butterfly does not return to the caterpillar state; nor can it return to the pupa phase. When a butterfly emerges from its cocoon, it flies -- something it couldn't do before! The butterfly also drinks sweet nectar instead of gorging on leaves.

Are you a new creation in Christ still trying to gorge on leaves? If so, do you find them choking you? Are you a new creation in Christ still trying to crawl back inside the cocoon to live as you once lived? Even if you could go back in time, leaves would no longer nourish you, and the torn, cocoon would no longer protect you. Why? Because God has transformed you into a new creation. Now you have the blessed privilege and opportunity to soar in His power and do His work on this planet. So spread your wings into their full, beautiful glory. It's time to fly.

Lord Jesus, at times I want to return to the cocoon, and at other times I want to gorge on the world's ideas and values. Thank You for the beautiful reminder of the butterfly that never turns back to an earlier stage of life. Thank You, too, for this lovely symbol of both Your resurrection and my transformation (Excerpted from "Butterflies: A Story of Rebirth" Devotions from the Garden by Miriam Drennan).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FIAzfKdpCQ (click to watch butterfly video)


The above devotional on rebirth and butterflies was an electronicmail I received  September of 2015, one year after Clark David passed away. God used butterflies to speak to my heart just five months after his death. This rebirth story was both enlightening and heartbreaking. Clark David had become that new creation, but was no longer drinking sweet nectar (fellowship with God). He was broken and trapped, in need of being freed... of letting God be in control again. His life didn't end the way God intended for it to, but as I heard Rick Burgess say, "If I believe in a God who could've stopped it (and I do), I have to believe in a God who allowed it (and I do)" for a greater victory.

One of the most potentially frightening aspects of being a Christian is knowing that when you put your trust in Jesus, all of Hell takes arms against you intending evil upon your life. And, yet what trumps that fear and evil is knowing that, no matter what comes, God is the Master Weaver. He takes what was intended for evil and reweaves it for good. --Max Lucado, "You'll Get Through This"
WHAT WAS MEANT FOR EVIL, GOD USES FOR GOOD


This morning, Sunday, July 14, as I was headed out to walk, God literally brought to mind a good pastor friend. We've attended the church where he pastor's many times and I always love listening to his teaching. So, I thought, okay I will listen to one of his messages instead of what I normally do. I landed on June 11,2017, but thinking it was June of this year. I was so surprised to hear how similar his message was to what God had put on my heart. He asked the question, "What are you a slave to? Is it money, a job, an addiction, your children? We are all slaves to something. We are born into slavery, but we're deceived into thinking we aren't! "And I'm paraphrasing here but he said when we're slaves to Jesus Christ there is joy. There is satisfaction and contentment when one is a slave to Christ. Thank you, Lord for guiding me and sending me affirmation. 

 (THE JOY OF SERVING CHRIST-Philippians 1:15-20, June 11,2017 Jared Folks). 

I also came across a butterfly article today. Again, so similar to the butterfly rebirth writing, but more in depth and enlightening. "What wonderful things God created for mankind. All creation reflects His glory --even simple bugs. Their very special life-source relationship with the milkweed plant provides a wonderful comparison to an even more precious story!
 (WWW.CREATIONTODAY.ORG THE BUTTERFLY'S BLOOD)

Even though the Devil deceives and blinds us in many ways and is extremely powerful to get us off course, thank You God that You are sovereign over all and You use the Enemy to do Your dirty work. Thank You, Lord that You have conquered sin and death. The victory is Yours and You have the final say. Thank You for Your love, grace, and mercy.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

If you are battling with depression, addiction, or suicidal thoughts, please know YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You are not weak for admitting your need for help! You are not a burden to anyone! Don't believe the lies in your head! YOU ARE LOVED, but more importantly, you are loved by God, your Maker. Help IS available. Choose to talk to someone, share your feelings and get help!

All caps are links to songs/videos, audios, or articles

When All Hope Seems Gone.....Cry Out to Jesus

The earth needs water. Without this necessary ingredient, it wouldn't flourish. As the Bible states in Job 5:10 and other places in Scripture, God provides rain for the earth and sends water on the countryside. He gives rain for land in its season for it to yield and thrive.

It's been a whole year since I first started this post. I wanted to post it on Good Friday last year, but I guess fear set in again. If you read to the end of this post, I explain why I felt compelled to post it after Easter last year, but it still never happened! This week I received another Easter card from Jill. This evening, I felt a nudge from above...don't procrastinate any longer. Yes, it's late to me, but it's right on time because God's timing is perfect. 


The above picture is from the card I received Easter week last year. After quickly reading the front, it made me think of seeing my son in Heaven because there was no Scripture verse. After Googling it to find the address of the verse, I turned in my Bible to John 16:22. Jesus says, "So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy." It wasn't until I read the context that I realized it was referring to Jesus' return. Even though my son was allowed to die the way he did and so much was taken from us, in Christ, my joy can never be stolen, and I will rejoice when I see Jesus (and him). Satan thinks he can steal so much, but God always has a countermove. Satan's plans always backfire. After reading the note inside, and thanking my friend, Jill, I put the card in the kitchen windowsill. I looked at the card many times and pondered the words. Then, one day I noticed the flowers in a different way. This time my thoughts were of the color and beauty of the flowers and how they got that way. I thought about the great sorrow of the day we call Good Friday and how horrific it was. It turned my thoughts towards storms again. God has used rain and storms to "speak" to my heart in many ways and this was no different.

 In November of 2015 my second post was about when the storms of life hit and how to prepare for them. When the greatest storm of my life hit, the death of my son, I started looking at rain and thunderstorms so differently. Psalm 18 was pivotal in that. A real thunderstorm raged on two days after his death and during the funeral visitation.  Recently, I started thinking about how our souls are like the earth. They too need "rain" (storms) to cause growth. Without them, our lives tend to get dry, parched, and even calloused. We lack the necessary ingredient to thrive which can make us wilt, or shrivel and become useless to God and His Kingdom. We have a hard time understanding why life isn't like a bed of roses as the cliche goes. We like to think we're in control of our lives especially when things are like we like them and we tend to give God the leftovers or leave Him out completely.  God, the Master Gardner, sometimes deems it necessary to till and harrow what's become hard and indifferent because our lives aren't at all as He intended them to be. They are filled with ungodliness, pride and selfishness. Our hearts are also divided by the love of the world and God has to change our perspective. He allows these storms to potentially bring about the much needed change in us, a heart autopsy. He wants us to see our sin for what it truly is before a holy God; He wants to conform us (Romans 8:28-29). All this, because He loves us so much and is preparing us for eternity. He's in the process of opening eyes to see like He does and remove all the ugliness of sin to make us more like Jesus, so we can love like Him. He wants sin to lose its power over us.
He wants us to be ready to hear, "WELL DONE." (click to listen). 

Therefore, since Christ has suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same purpose, because he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, so as to live for the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human passions but for the will of God (1 Peter 4:1-2).

I've already written about the passage below in the February 2019 post "It's raining tulips," but to me it's worth repeating. The flowers reminded me of an excerpt from a book taken from Genesis 41:52 entitled, 

 "Suffering and the Sweet Flowers of Faith"

 "God has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering. The author talks of a poet standing by the window (as I did and have) watching a rain shower. It is a fierce downpour that beats and pounds the Earth. But the poet sees more than a rain shower falling. He sees a myriad of lovely flowers raining down, soon breaking forth from the freshly watered Earth, and filling it with their beauty and fragrance." 

The author continues, "Perhaps you are undergoing some trial as God's child, and you are saying to Him, 'O God, it is raining very hard on me tonight, and this test seems beyond my power to endure. Disappointments are pouring in, washing away, and utterly defeating my chosen plans. My trembling heart is grieved and is cowering at the intensity of my suffering. Surely the rains of affliction are beating down upon my soul. Dear friend, you are completely mistaken. God is not raining rain on you --He is raining blessings. If you will only believe your Father's Word, you will realize that springing up beneath the pounding rain are spiritual flowers. And they are more beautiful and fragrant than those that ever grew before in your stormless and suffering-free life. 

You can see the rain, but can you also see the flowers? 

You are suffering through these tests but know that God sees sweet flowers of faith springing up in your life beneath these very trials. You try to escape the pain, yet God sees tender compassion for other sufferers finding birth in your soul. Your heart winces at the pain of heavy grief, but God sees the sorrow deepening and enriching your life. No, my friend, it's not raining affliction on you. It's raining tenderness, love, compassion, patience, and a thousand other flowers and fruits of the blessed Holy Spirit. And they are bringing to your life spiritual enrichment that all the prosperity and ease of this world could never produce in your innermost being. The history of humankind has always been rough and rugged. No one is complete until he has been out into the surge of the storm and has found the glorious fulfillment of the prayer, "O God, take me break me, make me." --"Streams in the Desert"

 Good Friday hit differently this year as I pondered the holiday. I focused on the storm that came the day Jesus was crucified on the cross. His death at Calvary was an excruciatingly painful life storm that caused a literal storm for three hours as He suffered on the cross and a figurative one for those present that changed the world forever...

From noon until three in the afternoon darkness came over all the land. About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice... 

And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, He gave up His spirit. 

At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook, the rocks split and the tombs broke open. The bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. They came out of the tombs after Jesus' resurrection and went into the holy city and appeared to many people. 

When the centurion and those with him who were guarding Jesus saw the earthquake and all that had happened, they were terrified, and exclaimed, "Surely He was the Son of God!" 

 Many women were there, watching from a distance. They had followed Jesus from Galilee to care for His needs. Among them were Mary Magdelene, Mary the mother of James and Joseph, and the mother of Zebedee's sons (Matthew 27:45-55).

Artwork by niece -Emma Clark

God causes and allows life's storms, even violent, long lasting ones sometimes to potentially bring about abundant new life. Jesus' death was thee example of that. He died and was buried and rose again so we too might accept Him and have new life with Him. God also gave us examples in the Bible like Jonah, Noah, and Paul who experienced both literal and figurative storms to fulfill His purposes to help and encourage us and point us to what God's grace and Power can accomplish in us.

As I thought about the faces in the crowd and what each experienced, I thought how those responsible for His death were probably so proud of what they thought they had accomplished, while other observers were shocked, in disbelief. I imagined those that loved Jesus were deeply grieved and wondered if all hope was gone. I thought about Satan. He was there too, rejoicing I'm sure, thinking his plan was successful. Each one's perspective was a little different no doubt. No matter how each one perceived it, a major storm had entered their life. Horror. Shock. So many emotions. They probably wondered, Was this it? Was it all over? And what do we do now? 

See the cross on the hill? Can you hear the soldiers pound the nails? Jesus' enemies smirk. Satan's demons lurk. All that is evil rubs its hands in glee "'This time," Satan whispers. "This time I will win."...Yet what Satan intended as the ultimate evil, God used for the ultimate good."

God rolled the rock away. Jesus walked out on Sunday morning, a smile on His face and a bounce to His steps. And if you look closely, you can see Satan scampering from the cemetery with his tail between his legs.  "You'll Get Through This." -Max Lucado

"Will I ever win?" Satan grumbles. No. He won't. Jesus and the Bible character of Joseph and a thousand others assure us that what Satan intends for evil, God uses for good.

Do you believe that no evil is beyond God's reach? That He can redeem every pit, including this one in which you find yourself?

("You'll Get Through This" - Max Lucado Quotes from book with same title)

Satan's full-time job is to steal, kill, and destroy lives. He wants yours. He is the master deceiver and lies are all he speaks. Don't be fooled by him. If you're Christ's child, Satan knows how precious you are to Jesus  therefore, he wants to make you miserable, fearful, and destroy you so you can't help to further God's Kingdom. He knows you are important to the building of the Kingdom and wants you to become ineffective. He succeeds at this many times, but in Christ, he can never steal your soul. If you're Satan's child (and by the way you're either one or the other and Hell or Heaven is your final destination), he will do everything within his power to continue to lure you to sin and live according to the world's ways and blind you so he can steal your soul. "Consider how precious a soul must be, when both God and the devil are after it." (C. H. Spurgeon). His success rate is sky rocketing. Sadly, unaware to the takers. 

A song by Third Day came on the radio, "CRY OUT TO JESUS"(click to listen). It too, caught my attention differently than previous times. It was Holy Saturday, the day after Good Friday. According to the Bible, Holy Saturday commemorates the day that Jesus Christ lay in the tomb after His death. Those lyrics made me think about Mary, Jesus' mother, and what it must've been like seeing her Son's death through her eyes...I imagined her crying out to Jesus, her Son; her heart aching for Him.

During this time, I was potting a cactus plant and pricked my thumb on one of it's needle's. My finger was also stuck with a thorn from a rose bush. Ow...that hurt! That caused me to think about Jesus' horrific death, I can't imagine what all He experienced. If one thorn hurts for a second or two, I really can't fathom what He endured for all of mankind's sin. But because I too have experienced the death of a child, I can imagine what Mary experienced, though not at all the same! The intense pain, I imagine, led her to cry out to Jesus day and night.

I can speculate and wonder about many things that happened that day, but I know this...when we cry out to Jesus, "He'll meet you wherever you are. When you're lonely and it feels like the whole world is falling on you, you just reach out, cry out to Jesus. There is hope for the helpless and rest for the weary and love for the broken heart. He'll meet you where ever you are, just cry out to Jesus." God hears our cries! "In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God (Romans 8:26-27).

Mary waited, along with everyone else, but her wait was different. Her relationship with Jesus was so different than anyone else's. She endured the long hours and the dark nights. Not at all like the wee hours of the night taking care of an infant. I can imagine an intense suffering that causes lack of sleep and hunger and not much strength to even pray. Sometimes all we can muster in these hard times is "Help me!" But that's all it takes with Jesus and He's right there. He is always near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18).

After waiting, three arduous days, Hope appeared. As Scripture says, weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5). The Bible says, early Sunday morning, Jesus had risen! They began to understand and in time started putting pieces together. Though Mary and the other disciples and followers were rejoicing, Jesus would leave again, but He assured them He would return the same way in which He ascended. He was going away so the Holy Spirit could come and be their Helper to get through life. He assured them He was going to prepare a place and would come back to get them. That didn't take the pain away though. I'm sure Mary wanted her pain to end as much as we do when when we're hurting or suffering. But, God's ways aren't ours. He wants us to want Him more than we want our pain to cease. He wants our heart wholly devoted to Him. He asks me to trust in Him and put ALL MY HOPE (click to listen) in Jesus.

"I know if You wanted to You could wave Your hand, spare me this heartache and change Your plan and I know any second You could take my pain away, but even if You don't I pray, help me want the Healer more than the healing, help me want the Savior more than the saving, help me want the Giver more than the giving, help me want You Jesus MORE THAN ANYTHING (click to listen). You know more than anyone my flesh is weak and you know I'd give anything for a remedy and I'll ask a thousand more times to set me free today, oh, but even if You don't I pray, help me want the Healer more than the healing. When I'm desperate and my heart's overcome all that I need You've already done." Natalie Grant

What I loved about the card is even though I may not always be happy and like God's ways, His Word is Truth. Because I'm a daughter of the King, absolutely nothing can take away my joy and I will see Jesus and all those in Christ who have gone before me. I am praising the Lord in the midst of brokenness and pain because I know God redeems and restores. In Christ, my hope is sure, IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL(click to listen).



It's in our circumstances, ordained by God, that He uses the pain and suffering of this world to get our attention to teach us to rely and trust Him. As I was walking in the park one Spring morning thinking and praying, I noticed a sign that read, "slippery when wet." It caught my attention differently this time... I thought how our lives could be compared to the pathway I was walking on. As the rain pounds on the pavement, the surface can become slippery and unless you've paid attention to the sign and your footing is sure, you may fall. God doesn't want us to fall. That's why He gave us His Word to warn and encourage us. But the rain can beat down so hard that it causes us to become "slippery when wet," when we aren't prepared. We can lose our footing and fall never to recover; never to reach out to God. Or, we can stand and let it soak into our life and be awakened or renewed by it so we can  grow and mature. When difficult times come we have one of two options. Learn and grow or wither and be useless or die. We can bloom where we are planted or we can take up space and just survive and be of little or no use. It's our choice. We can choose to exist and take up space or we can choose joy and the abundant life. I choose JOY (click to listen).

Be joyful always; pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).

 Because God's love is so great, He gave His only Son to endure a violent storm to change the world so we might come to a saving knowledge of Him. Left alone, we wouldn't see our need for Him and would continue to live for ourselves. He knows our perspective needs to change to see more like He does. He knows how to cultivate the soil of each heart. He knows how deep to go and how long it will take. God uses these circumstances so hearts will be desperate for Him and be satisfied in Him The Enemy comes to destroy our life, but Jesus died so we might have life and have it more abundantly...forever (John 10:10)

When God desires to create more power in your life, He creates more friction. He uses this pressure to generate spiritual power. Some people cannot handle it, and run from the pressure instead of receiving the power and using it to rise above the painful experience that produced it. A.B. Simpson


His love for us is immeasurable and because of that love He disciplines us just like an earthly father would to develop our character. He wants us to know Him more and enjoy Him forever.

In this world you will have tribulation, but take heart, I've overcome the world (John 16:33).

Because I'm a daughter of the King, absolutely nothing can take away my joy in Jesus Christ. I am praising the Lord in the midst of brokenness and heartache because I know God redeems and restores. In Christ, my hope is secure and confident and He is my Peace.

The card stayed on my windowsill many months to remind me of those three promises I'm still holding onto. 
One, I will see Jesus. Two, I will rejoice. And, three, no one will take away my joy

 (John 16:22). The Devil thought he could. His end is coming. Read Revelation...you'll see.

I may not always be happy and like God's ways, but His Word is Truth and the Promiser keeps His promises. Today, we are one day closer to eternity. I hope and pray you are on the right side, the Light side.

When all hope seems gone...cry out to Jesus. He will come to your rescue!

P.S. I've mentioned before about the lies I start to believe prior to publishing these posts and how Satan sometimes uses that I think to detour me away from writing. I wanted to share in closing, that I struggled with that again! This post was all but finished a week after the March 2018 post. The farther it got away from Easter I thought it's too late for this, but God kept bringing it to my mind. About a week later, I heard a Charles Stanley radio broadcast that was very convicting titled, "The Landmine of Fear." I never really realized my fearfulness of some things until I heard that. He talked of the consequences of fear, one being that it stifles your creativity. He said, "People have abilities and talents they never enjoy because of fear; anything that keeps you from being who God created you to be, doesn't fit who you are. And point two... procrastination. He described procrastination as being afraid of doing something the wrong way or not living up to one's expectations that they just don't do anything. They become indecisive. They can't make a decision because they're afraid to make the wrong one. They are willing to suffer the guilt of not doing it, then to try and fail; suppose this, suppose that, suppose, suppose, suppose. That resonated with me! So, after hearing that message and hearing a song by Rend Collective called, "COUNTING EVERY BLESSING,"(click to listen). That's what really spoke to me. After the song played, the radio announcer said, "We don't have to wait until Thanksgiving to count our blessings. We have much to be thankful for." Thank you, Lord for all You've done for us.

 God speaks to us when our ears and hearts are open to hear. I "heard" God say last year, "It doesn't have to be Easter Sunday to celebrate Jesus' resurrection and post this. Every day is Easter because Christ is risen, and He lives! Hallelujah!
Happy Resurrection Sunday.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

If you are battling with depression, addiction, or suicidal thoughts, please know YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You are not weak for admitting your need for help! You are not a burden to anyone! Don't believe the lies in your head! YOU ARE LOVED, but more importantly, you are loved by God, your Maker. Help IS available. Choose to talk to someone, share your feelings and get help!