There are numerous things that fill our days. Even though we plan and schedule our calendars, sometimes even a year in advance, it is the Lord that directs our steps (Proverbs 16:9) whether we acknowledge it or not. Doesn't it seem many days never go as planned? We welcome the good, happy moments of life, but what do we do and where do we turn when tragedy fills our lives? Shall we accept good from God and not trouble? (Job 2:10.) He said, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I shall return. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD." (Job 1:21)
In my family, October 6, is the birthday of my father-in-law and will always be remembered as such. Sadly, that celebration was pushed aside when my family and I were faced with the devastating realization of what had happened to my son. This date will now be permanently etched in the minds of family members and the many friends touched by the life of Clark David Heaton, a.k.a. Clark. Monday, October 6, 2014 became a day accompanied by shock, sadness, pain and deep grief followed by aftershocks of seismic proportions with ripple effects that will last a lifetime. No one affected by his death wants to relive or remember the devastation, but, humanly speaking, the thought of suicide cannot be erased, however on this day another event took place. Clark David was ushered into eternity, forgiven and is now present with the Lord! Hallelujah! (2 Corinthians 5:8).
Have you ever wished you could be given a second chance, a redo? I'm sure we all have wished for an opportunity to take back a wrong word spoken, a wrong thought, a wrong judgment, or a wrong action. As long as we are still breathing and new opportunities present themselves, with the courage to be bold, we have the chance to make different choices. We get a redo! Months after Clark David's funeral I was saddened to realize, because his earthly life ended by suicide, his memorial wasn’t focused on who he was but by what he had done.
If I was given a second chance, or redo so-to-speak, to memorialize my son it might look something like this:
During the "winter" of my journey, when I could do nothing else, I listened to Christian music. My "STORYTELLER" has been "WRITING HIS STORY" on my heart and so filled it, I could share his life through song. His beautiful life had become a "SLOW FADE". Very shortly after his death, the Lord led me to a song that I literally thought "if Clark David was a songwriter, he could've written this." "I JUST LET GO AND I FEEL EXPOSED. BUT IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL 'CAUSE THIS IS WHO I AM." Clark David loved to make people laugh, yet, attention and vulnerability were very uncomfortable for him. I believe being exposed was the last thing he would want. So, when this happened, all I could think was, "now you are exposed for who you are: God's child!" For reasons we will never fully know, his life had a tragic ending. He was definitely in a SPIRITUAL BATTLE, as we all are. He had become something he was not, but, this is who he is…
The Lord blessed us with Clark David on March 14, 1995. He was our firstborn son and only son for five years. With HIS guidance, we brought him up in the training and instruction of the Lord and prayed he would be saved and learn to follow Him. At the age of five on our living room sofa he accepted Jesus as his savior and was forgiven, made flawless and became free in Christ (Romans 10:9-13, Ephesians 1:7, Hebrews 10:14, Romans 6:7). Like many first time parents, we documented precious memories of fun times together. After his death, I asked the Lord to replace the bad memories of “that day” with pleasant reminders of his life. He brought to mind the times Clark David would “preach” to us pretending he was Pastor Steve Britt, while wearing the robe his grandmother made. He could imitate Steve well and did a great job! We started thinking he may follow in Steve’s footsteps. He sat under countless teachings from God’s Word by Steve, the only pastor he ever had, who baptized him at the age of six. The day he accepted Jesus and became a child of God he was given eternal life and his name was written in the Lamb’s Book of Life. The day Clark David called His name He made him flawless...the cross has made him FLAWLESS and he is wrapped up in righteousness.
During the "winter" of my journey, when I could do nothing else, I listened to Christian music. My "STORYTELLER" has been "WRITING HIS STORY" on my heart and so filled it, I could share his life through song. His beautiful life had become a "SLOW FADE". Very shortly after his death, the Lord led me to a song that I literally thought "if Clark David was a songwriter, he could've written this." "I JUST LET GO AND I FEEL EXPOSED. BUT IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL 'CAUSE THIS IS WHO I AM." Clark David loved to make people laugh, yet, attention and vulnerability were very uncomfortable for him. I believe being exposed was the last thing he would want. So, when this happened, all I could think was, "now you are exposed for who you are: God's child!" For reasons we will never fully know, his life had a tragic ending. He was definitely in a SPIRITUAL BATTLE, as we all are. He had become something he was not, but, this is who he is…
The Lord blessed us with Clark David on March 14, 1995. He was our firstborn son and only son for five years. With HIS guidance, we brought him up in the training and instruction of the Lord and prayed he would be saved and learn to follow Him. At the age of five on our living room sofa he accepted Jesus as his savior and was forgiven, made flawless and became free in Christ (Romans 10:9-13, Ephesians 1:7, Hebrews 10:14, Romans 6:7). Like many first time parents, we documented precious memories of fun times together. After his death, I asked the Lord to replace the bad memories of “that day” with pleasant reminders of his life. He brought to mind the times Clark David would “preach” to us pretending he was Pastor Steve Britt, while wearing the robe his grandmother made. He could imitate Steve well and did a great job! We started thinking he may follow in Steve’s footsteps. He sat under countless teachings from God’s Word by Steve, the only pastor he ever had, who baptized him at the age of six. The day he accepted Jesus and became a child of God he was given eternal life and his name was written in the Lamb’s Book of Life. The day Clark David called His name He made him flawless...the cross has made him FLAWLESS and he is wrapped up in righteousness.
Isaiah 61:10a “I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For He has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of His righteousness…
We are all made by God, for God, created in His image and made to last forever. Our eternity will be spent in heaven or in hell. Death is not the end. There IS more to this story. Satan, along with the world, will tell you “everyone’s going to heaven.” Don’t be deceived by the world’s way of thinking and believe Satan’s lies. Just this past July “See You Again” was the top song of the summer. There is truth in this song, although, only true believers will see each other again in heaven. Non-believers will go away into eternal punishment, wrath and fury forever separated from God and anything good. (John 3:36, 2 Thessalonians 1:9, Romans 2:6-8)
Today, I remember the life of Clark David by turning the focus from his earthly defeat to gratitude that he has been "REDEEMED" by the blood of Jesus. I am grateful that He has been set free and is safe in the everlasting arms of his Savior. Earthly speaking, today is the day I choose to celebrate the life he's had with Jesus for one year. There are no goodbyes in Christ! Unfortunately, his name will always be associated with “suicide”, but, his identity will forever be in Christ and "GREATER IS THE ONE LIVING INSIDE OF ME THAN HE WHO IS LIVING IN THE WORLD".
Just for a little while, we are separated until the Lord Jesus is revealed. I am anticipating the day when I “See You Again.”
* God started applying His balm to my bereaved soul in many ways, music being one. You can click on the highlighted/capitalized words which are links to songs that continue to bring solace to my broken, yet healing heart.
"I waited patiently for the Lord. He turned to me and heard my cry . . .
He put a new song in my mouth . . ." (Psalm 40:1-3)
