This is My Freedom Hymn

Flag Flying Feb. 23, 2018 at Our Residence 

That brisk day in February last year as I heard the American flag flapping in the wind, I looked up. I do that a lot. I noticed the clouds and the pretty blue sky, then for some reason I focused on the flag. We Americans pledge our allegiance to this flag and think we are free and we are a free country, but do we really have freedom? Are we indeed free?

 Eight days ago we celebrated the day that commemorates the adoption of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776, our nation's birthday; the day the USA became a free and independent state from England. As the iconic American saying goes, "freedom isn't free." Lives are lost in order for others to claim these freedoms. 

I'm grateful to have been born in the United States of America. I thank the Lord for the privilege and luxury of living here in this "land of the free and the home of the brave." I'm also grateful for our country's men and women in uniform who make sacrifices to preserve our Constitutional freedoms and those who have died in the fight.

But there is a freedom that is far greater than any physical or political freedom we're granted and it's offered to the world (John 3:16). It wasn't free either. In contrast to the many lives lost to pay for our freedoms, it only took One life to pay for the ransom of many. An ultimate sacrifice had to be paid by a sinless Man to make this freedom available...our spiritual freedom. This Man, Jesus Christ, willingly laid down His innocent life for the guilty and was crucified to pay a debt we couldn't pay. It's His blood that was shed that makes one truly free. He died for all mankind's sins so, in Him, we wouldn't have to be condemned and spend eternity in Hell (Romans 8:1). Salvation is free to us because of God's amazing grace, mercy, and love. But just like this Gift came at a great price and cost God the life of His Son, accepting it will cost you everything. It will all be worth it in the end, however it won't be easy. You will have to sacrifice a lot...your life (Romans 12:1). As I've heard International Mission Board president David Platt say, "Are you willing to give God a blank check with your life? Are you willing to give Him the check and let Him fill in the blanks?"

Webster's Dictionary defines freedom as "independence, political liberty, exemption from an obligation, a being able to act freely, a right, or privilege."

In the "land of the free," we often confuse the true nature of freedom. For many of us, freedom has become synonymous with personal independence--the ability to make our own decisions and choose our own path in life, to do whatever we want, whenever we want. In other words, "outside freedom." But this is not the freedom that Jesus promised us. When Jesus revealed Himself as the Messiah, He said that He had come to Earth to "proclaim freedom" (Luke 4:18). Jesus was not setting us free to do whatever we wanted; He was freeing us to do what we ought to do. He was liberating us to walk in relationship with God and to be the kind of people He created us to be. In other words, "inside freedom" --the ability to obey God and choose His will for our lives. And this is the freedom that sin had long denied us. Jesus shocked the Pharisees, the spiritual leaders of His day, when He stated, "I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin" (John 8:34 emphasis mine). Jesus was asserting that we are all under the power and control of a natural tendency to sin. Sin brings a penalty that, by ourselves, we cannot escape. The Bible says in Romans 6:23, "The wages of sin is death (focusonthefamily.com -Freedom in Christ).

 Yes, we are a free country, but are we deceived in what true freedom is? Are we free from hate, anger, unforgiveness, arguing, complaining, divorce, sexual immorality, disease, gluttony, disunity, gossip, abortion, homosexuality, impatience, coveteousness, greed, envy, suing our brother, financial debt, lying, lust, materialism, accumulating, pleasure, stealing, pride, idolatry, fear, laziness, murder, suicide, self, death?  And the list goes on. No, we are not free. We all are slaves to sin because we were each born with heart disease. Only if our soul is born-again (John 3:1-21) can we experience THE CURE our heart longs for. Are we "living the American dream" and thinking we are free? Are we trying to gain the whole world, but possibly "LOSE MY (OUR) SOUL? 

No one is truly free until the truth is known. Freedom has to do with truth. But not just knowing about the truth, submitting to that truth. Jesus said to the Jews who had believed Him, "If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free" (John 8:31-32 emphasis mine). It says in the Holy Bible, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" (Jeremiah 17:9 KJV). True freedom takes place in the heart. Our hearts need a transplant. When we accept this free gift of salvation through Jesus, God does open heart surgery. He removes our heart of stone and gives us a soft, pliable one."A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you a heart of flesh" (Ezekiel 36:26 KJV). No longer are we spiritually dead and Satan's child, but we're made spiritually ALIVE in Jesus Christ...we have a new birthday. I love how The Living Bible says it, "For He has rescued us out of the darkness of gloom of Satan's kingdom and brought us into the Kingdom of His dear Son, who bought our freedom with His blood and forgave us all our sins (Colossians 1:13-14).

This new heart and soul desires to love God. It sees Jesus Christ as beautiful and desires to love Him as the Savior and Lord of  his life. By faith, we give our life to Jesus and receive forgiveness and freedom from sin. Not only this, but we are now free to do the very thing we were created to do --to honor and enjoy God forever. And this joy in God is from our heart --our new heart given to us by God. This is true freedom. This is grace (www.thelife.com what is true freedom). 

Three years ago Chad (my husband) was handed an old church bulletin from our pastor at the time. Steve was cleaning out his office files and came across his notes from the message he delivered on Sunday, July 1, 2001 and he remembered us. Steve figured we would want the bulletin because just two years prior, our son had breathed his last.This message. Little did I nor Steve know when it got in my hands how meaningful it would be. I couldn't wait to get back home to read it. As I sat there reading alone, I was amazed to see Steve's message was titled "Real Freedom" on the day our eldest son was baptized. God had spoken to my heart many times about freedom after Clark David's earthly death. That's where one of the words in the title of my blog address originated, "Forgiven. Flawless. Free." As I read and pondered it all, God spoke to my heart and gave more affirmation and peace to me. When my pain was still so raw, God comforted me once again that Clark David was so free! I felt this might be a future post.

I doubted my son's salvation momentarily after his death. God knew this of course, and spoke to me through two friends, one whom I wrote about in 2017 (see November post). God settled those thoughts within hours after his passing through them both. To me, it's been so amazing to look back in the rear view mirror to see God's hand in every single detail of my life. He keeps me amazed how He intricately weaves everything together and how He uses people to do His work and help bring comfort. The bulletin was kept and hand-delivered to us by God through Steve to touch me years later. Also a sweet friend, Vickie Parker and I were talking on the phone just two days before the 4th about the sovereignty of God and she later texted me, "Isn't it amazing how He sends just what we need right when we need it? Maybe it's to remind us He's paying attention! Because sometimes I think, 'Lord, are You LOOKING? I'm in a mess down here!"

Last year, I finally started writing my thoughts down from that encounter with Steve. My intentions were to post on Independence day because of the correlating message about freedom, but when the 7th quickly came, I thought too much time had elapsed. I knew the time wasn't right, so I saved it. As I've mentioned before, I feel compelled to share what God puts on my heart for whatever reasons only He knows. It takes a lot of thought and prayer in listening to the Holy Spirit to know what and when to write. It's funny because I thought this post had taken precedence over my previous post, however it would be another year in the making. I'm glad I listened and waited; He has shown me much more in the process and the post would have been what I intended, not God. I also would've missed the important detail of the butterfly in the garage. God is teaching me a lot about waiting and how He works while I wait. I know God doesn't need my help to accomplish anything, but He does call His children to be obedient and follow His leading. I know my purpose is to "sprinkle seeds" and share what He's teaching me for the benefit of others and the growing of His Kingdom. 

March 14, 2016 I posted about Clark David's salvation story. One year later, he was baptized. The Holy Spirit prompted him to ask questions and gave him the desire to be obedient in baptism. After discussion and understanding from a six year old perspective, Steve baptized him at Seventh Street Baptist Church. I don't know what Clark David remembered that day (I highly doubt he remembered the message.. I know I didn't), but I know he loved the Lord, was growing, had a heart to please Jesus Christ and had a heart for others to know Him too. Even though his light flickered out, I continue to be his torch bearer to share God's message of hope through his life. I'm grateful God left behind Steve's notes to pass on to me:

As Pastor Steve taught from God's Word that day, real freedom is all about truth: 

1. Freedom has to do with truth.

a. Not just any truth, but the truth?

b. But what is the truth. The truth is based on more than what (no one comes to the Father, but through Me) but also who (I am). (John 14:6) 

2. This truth cannot make you free unless:

a. It is believed (in mind, will, and action).

"...the Truth - shall - make you free."

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life." (John 3:16)

b. It is accepted.

"...the truth shall - make- you free"

It was for freedom that Christ set us free; (Galatians 5:1a)

c. It is personal.

"...the truth shall - make - you free."

"...whoever believes may in Him have eternal life." (John 3:15)

d. But how can you know if you really know the truth?

"If you abide in My Word, then you are truly disciples of Mine, and you shall know the truth (John 8:31b-32a).

3. This freedom is real freedom. 

"...the truth shall make you - free." 

a. Because without this truth you're already enslaved.

Jesus answered them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who commits sin is the slave of sin."

Pastor Steve Britts' Notes

(1) slaves to its power

...for all have sinned (Romans 3:23)

(2) slaves to its penalty

For the wages of sin is death, (Romans 6:23)

b. And with this truth you're really free.

"If therefore the Son shall make you free, you shall be free indeed." (John 8:36)

c. But what is real freedom?

It's no longer being enslaved by sin and to sin but being set free to God's enslavement.

But now having been freed from sin and enslaved to God, you derive your benefit, resulting in sanctification, and the outcome, eternal life (Romans 6:22).

 The freedom Jesus offers is a spiritual freedom from the chains of the bondage of sin - that is, a release from the lifestyle of habitual lawlessness. Jesus is the truth (John 14:6). Knowing the truth will set one at liberty - free from sin, free from condemnation, and free from death (Romans 6:22; 8:1-2). Jesus came to proclaim liberty to the captives (Luke 4:18). "Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants to God" (1 Peter 2:16, ESV)..

(www.gotquestions.org)

 As our freedom to live in this land wasn't free, the same speaks true of our need for forgiveness.Thankfully, through Jesus Christ we can be set free. JESUS PAID IT ALL.
There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends (John 15:13). His death (innocent blood) satisfied a holy God to pay for the world's sins. Those that are born-again are free, not free to do what they want, but to live in obedience to His desires for their lives. His way is perfect. We mess up so much. But when we royally blow it, depend on ourselves, and live selfishly, if we repent and return to Him, He will turn it all into good (Romans 8:28-29). He's a just, merciful Father who is full of lovingkindness. However, we're not free from the consequences of our sin choices, but praise the Lord, God is a God of redemption and restoration. Jesus' great sacrifice and love paid for all sins, past, present, and future. Once and done! If you sin today (you probably will) and die before you have time to confess your sins, you still will be escorted by angels into His presence, if you have been BORN AGAIN. True freedom is who makes one free...Jesus! Jesus is the truth and through Him there is eternal life with Him in Heaven, not eternal damnation.

Some might say, in Christ, you are now a slave to Him and aren't free to do what you want. True, we become His slaves which is far better. What they don't yet understand yet is, not everything is beneficial to me. We're also not free from sins consequences. Still others say even in Christ, you are free to do what you want because grace covers your sin. Grace is not a license to sin. That's rebellion towards God. If you're truly His child, discipline will come to turn you back to Him, but you won't escape His repercussions. When you are "free to do what you want," and you're not a follower of Jesus Christ, you are still a slave (a slave to sin). Satan has you like a puppet on a string and you follow his ways which leads to spiritual death and/or eternal punishment. God is God and because He is God, He has a perfect plan and knows what's best. If and when He becomes your Master, you go from slavery to slavery, yes, but God's slavery benefits you. It doesn't destroy you. Trust in Him. He knows best. Don't be tricked by the master deceiver, Satan, who comes to steal, kill, and destroy all in his path with his lies. "The thief comes only to steal, and kill and destroy; I (Jesus) have come that they may have life and have it to the full" (John 10:10).

For when you were slaves of sin (unsaved), you were free in regard to righteousness. Therefore what benefit were you then deriving from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the outcome of those things is death. But now having been freed from sin and enslaved to God, you derive your benefit, resulting in sanctification, and the outcome, eternal life (Romans 6:2--22) www.onepassionministries.org/transcripts

Who is your master? What are you mastered by?
Do you know the Truth? Have you been forgiven? Are you free or have you fallen back under bondage again?
Jesus can set you free the Enemy's snare! Trust in Jesus. Allow Him to take the SHACKLES off!

"I breath the air of freedom in knowing my life is better off in Your hands
The past is gone, what's done is done now I'm alive and I'm never gonna look back 
I can never be, never be, free without You
I can never be, never be me, without You
This is the sound of chains breaking
This is the beat of a heart changing
This is a song of a soul forgiven
This is my FREEDOM HYMN, my freedom hymn
Who the Son sets (free)
Is free indeed

Tess -July 4,2015 

I'm free...

Clark David & Tucker -Jan. 1, 2002

Thank You, Lord for the free gift of salvation through the shedding of Your innocent blood for my sins. Because of my second birth, I am WHO YOU SAY I AM. and You say I AM FREE.

For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God (Ephesians 2:8).

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom (2 Corinthians 3:17).

"I have the right to do anything," you say--but not everything is beneficial. "I have the right to do anything"--but I will not be mastered by anything (1 Corinthians 6:12).

It is for freedom that Christ has set you free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery (Galatians 5:1).

 

Broken and Trapped -July 4, 2019

On July 4th, I was thinking about the day and what God laid on my heart years ago, a thought came to me. I felt like I had posted this already. Wait...maybe I had, I just couldn't remember. I thought why do I keep thinking about this? As I was going in the house to check the computer, I spotted a yellow butterfly flitting around in the garage by the window (I've written about butterflies and the garage before). To my surprise, I found the draft! I had completely forgotten. I remembered the butterfly. As I went back to check and see if it was still trapped in the garage, I noticed it had tired of trying to find a way out and had given up and was sitting on the window sill. It's wing was broken; just like other butterflies I've written about. I tried to catch it. It let me move slowly towards it but as I grabbed its wing, it started flapping and I let go. I was quickly trying to raise the window from the bottom first and then the top so I could let it escape all the while trying to video. I managed to capture it flying about, but was unable to film the moment of freedom as it flew out the window. As I looked back at the video, it reminded me of our brokenness and entrapment before we realize there is a way of escape if we just look to and trust the One whose in total control.

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature; old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Butterflies: A Story of Rebirth 

Rebirth can be a difficult concept to understand, but the lovely little butterfly offers a picture of what takes place when Christ comes into a human heart. The caterpillar's metamorphosis provides a wonderful illustration of a believer's spiritual transformation: 

The caterpillar or larva is in the feeding phase. It eats the leaves in its world just as we feed on the ideas of the world around us.

At the chrysalis or pupa stage, the caterpillar appears lifeless. Jesus' lifeless body was taken down off the cross and placed in a tomb. A believer's chrysalis stage is when we die to sin.

The caterpillar emerges from its cocoon, transformed into a completely new creature. Similarly, we who recognize our sin, confess it, receive God's forgiveness, and accept Jesus Christ as our Savior and Lord are transformed into new life in Him.

The butterfly does not return to the caterpillar state; nor can it return to the pupa phase. When a butterfly emerges from its cocoon, it flies -- something it couldn't do before! The butterfly also drinks sweet nectar instead of gorging on leaves.

Are you a new creation in Christ still trying to gorge on leaves? If so, do you find them choking you? Are you a new creation in Christ still trying to crawl back inside the cocoon to live as you once lived? Even if you could go back in time, leaves would no longer nourish you, and the torn, cocoon would no longer protect you. Why? Because God has transformed you into a new creation. Now you have the blessed privilege and opportunity to soar in His power and do His work on this planet. So spread your wings into their full, beautiful glory. It's time to fly.

Lord Jesus, at times I want to return to the cocoon, and at other times I want to gorge on the world's ideas and values. Thank You for the beautiful reminder of the butterfly that never turns back to an earlier stage of life. Thank You, too, for this lovely symbol of both Your resurrection and my transformation (Excerpted from "Butterflies: A Story of Rebirth" Devotions from the Garden by Miriam Drennan).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FIAzfKdpCQ (click to watch butterfly video)


The above devotional on rebirth and butterflies was an electronicmail I received  September of 2015, one year after Clark David passed away. God used butterflies to speak to my heart just five months after his death. This rebirth story was both enlightening and heartbreaking. Clark David had become that new creation, but was no longer drinking sweet nectar (fellowship with God). He was broken and trapped, in need of being freed... of letting God be in control again. His life didn't end the way God intended for it to, but as I heard Rick Burgess say, "If I believe in a God who could've stopped it (and I do), I have to believe in a God who allowed it (and I do)" for a greater victory.

One of the most potentially frightening aspects of being a Christian is knowing that when you put your trust in Jesus, all of Hell takes arms against you intending evil upon your life. And, yet what trumps that fear and evil is knowing that, no matter what comes, God is the Master Weaver. He takes what was intended for evil and reweaves it for good. --Max Lucado, "You'll Get Through This"
WHAT WAS MEANT FOR EVIL, GOD USES FOR GOOD


This morning, Sunday, July 14, as I was headed out to walk, God literally brought to mind a good pastor friend. We've attended the church where he pastor's many times and I always love listening to his teaching. So, I thought, okay I will listen to one of his messages instead of what I normally do. I landed on June 11,2017, but thinking it was June of this year. I was so surprised to hear how similar his message was to what God had put on my heart. He asked the question, "What are you a slave to? Is it money, a job, an addiction, your children? We are all slaves to something. We are born into slavery, but we're deceived into thinking we aren't! "And I'm paraphrasing here but he said when we're slaves to Jesus Christ there is joy. There is satisfaction and contentment when one is a slave to Christ. Thank you, Lord for guiding me and sending me affirmation. 

 (THE JOY OF SERVING CHRIST-Philippians 1:15-20, June 11,2017 Jared Folks). 

I also came across a butterfly article today. Again, so similar to the butterfly rebirth writing, but more in depth and enlightening. "What wonderful things God created for mankind. All creation reflects His glory --even simple bugs. Their very special life-source relationship with the milkweed plant provides a wonderful comparison to an even more precious story!
 (WWW.CREATIONTODAY.ORG THE BUTTERFLY'S BLOOD)

Even though the Devil deceives and blinds us in many ways and is extremely powerful to get us off course, thank You God that You are sovereign over all and You use the Enemy to do Your dirty work. Thank You, Lord that You have conquered sin and death. The victory is Yours and You have the final say. Thank You for Your love, grace, and mercy.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

If you are battling with depression, addiction, or suicidal thoughts, please know YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You are not weak for admitting your need for help! You are not a burden to anyone! Don't believe the lies in your head! YOU ARE LOVED, but more importantly, you are loved by God, your Maker. Help IS available. Choose to talk to someone, share your feelings and get help!

All caps are links to songs/videos, audios, or articles

When All Hope Seems Gone.....Cry Out to Jesus

The earth needs water. Without this necessary ingredient, it wouldn't flourish. As the Bible states in Job 5:10 and other places in Scripture, God provides rain for the earth and sends water on the countryside. He gives rain for land in its season for it to yield and thrive.

It's been a whole year since I first started this post. I wanted to post it on Good Friday last year, but I guess fear set in again. If you read to the end of this post, I explain why I felt compelled to post it after Easter last year, but it still never happened! This week I received another Easter card from Jill. This evening, I felt a nudge from above...don't procrastinate any longer. Yes, it's late to me, but it's right on time because God's timing is perfect. 


The above picture is from the card I received Easter week last year. After quickly reading the front, it made me think of seeing my son in Heaven because there was no Scripture verse. After Googling it to find the address of the verse, I turned in my Bible to John 16:22. Jesus says, "So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy." It wasn't until I read the context that I realized it was referring to Jesus' return. Even though my son was allowed to die the way he did and so much was taken from us, in Christ, my joy can never be stolen, and I will rejoice when I see Jesus (and him). Satan thinks he can steal so much, but God always has a countermove. Satan's plans always backfire. After reading the note inside, and thanking my friend, Jill, I put the card in the kitchen windowsill. I looked at the card many times and pondered the words. Then, one day I noticed the flowers in a different way. This time my thoughts were of the color and beauty of the flowers and how they got that way. I thought about the great sorrow of the day we call Good Friday and how horrific it was. It turned my thoughts towards storms again. God has used rain and storms to "speak" to my heart in many ways and this was no different.

 In November of 2015 my second post was about when the storms of life hit and how to prepare for them. When the greatest storm of my life hit, the death of my son, I started looking at rain and thunderstorms so differently. Psalm 18 was pivotal in that. A real thunderstorm raged on two days after his death and during the funeral visitation.  Recently, I started thinking about how our souls are like the earth. They too need "rain" (storms) to cause growth. Without them, our lives tend to get dry, parched, and even calloused. We lack the necessary ingredient to thrive which can make us wilt, or shrivel and become useless to God and His Kingdom. We have a hard time understanding why life isn't like a bed of roses as the cliche goes. We like to think we're in control of our lives especially when things are like we like them and we tend to give God the leftovers or leave Him out completely.  God, the Master Gardner, sometimes deems it necessary to till and harrow what's become hard and indifferent because our lives aren't at all as He intended them to be. They are filled with ungodliness, pride and selfishness. Our hearts are also divided by the love of the world and God has to change our perspective. He allows these storms to potentially bring about the much needed change in us, a heart autopsy. He wants us to see our sin for what it truly is before a holy God; He wants to conform us (Romans 8:28-29). All this, because He loves us so much and is preparing us for eternity. He's in the process of opening eyes to see like He does and remove all the ugliness of sin to make us more like Jesus, so we can love like Him. He wants sin to lose its power over us.
He wants us to be ready to hear, "WELL DONE." (click to listen). 

Therefore, since Christ has suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same purpose, because he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, so as to live for the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human passions but for the will of God (1 Peter 4:1-2).

I've already written about the passage below in the February 2019 post "It's raining tulips," but to me it's worth repeating. The flowers reminded me of an excerpt from a book taken from Genesis 41:52 entitled, 

 "Suffering and the Sweet Flowers of Faith"

 "God has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering. The author talks of a poet standing by the window (as I did and have) watching a rain shower. It is a fierce downpour that beats and pounds the Earth. But the poet sees more than a rain shower falling. He sees a myriad of lovely flowers raining down, soon breaking forth from the freshly watered Earth, and filling it with their beauty and fragrance." 

The author continues, "Perhaps you are undergoing some trial as God's child, and you are saying to Him, 'O God, it is raining very hard on me tonight, and this test seems beyond my power to endure. Disappointments are pouring in, washing away, and utterly defeating my chosen plans. My trembling heart is grieved and is cowering at the intensity of my suffering. Surely the rains of affliction are beating down upon my soul. Dear friend, you are completely mistaken. God is not raining rain on you --He is raining blessings. If you will only believe your Father's Word, you will realize that springing up beneath the pounding rain are spiritual flowers. And they are more beautiful and fragrant than those that ever grew before in your stormless and suffering-free life. 

You can see the rain, but can you also see the flowers? 

You are suffering through these tests but know that God sees sweet flowers of faith springing up in your life beneath these very trials. You try to escape the pain, yet God sees tender compassion for other sufferers finding birth in your soul. Your heart winces at the pain of heavy grief, but God sees the sorrow deepening and enriching your life. No, my friend, it's not raining affliction on you. It's raining tenderness, love, compassion, patience, and a thousand other flowers and fruits of the blessed Holy Spirit. And they are bringing to your life spiritual enrichment that all the prosperity and ease of this world could never produce in your innermost being. The history of humankind has always been rough and rugged. No one is complete until he has been out into the surge of the storm and has found the glorious fulfillment of the prayer, "O God, take me break me, make me." --"Streams in the Desert"

 Good Friday hit differently this year as I pondered the holiday. I focused on the storm that came the day Jesus was crucified on the cross. His death at Calvary was an excruciatingly painful life storm that caused a literal storm for three hours as He suffered on the cross and a figurative one for those present that changed the world forever...

From noon until three in the afternoon darkness came over all the land. About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice... 

And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, He gave up His spirit. 

At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook, the rocks split and the tombs broke open. The bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. They came out of the tombs after Jesus' resurrection and went into the holy city and appeared to many people. 

When the centurion and those with him who were guarding Jesus saw the earthquake and all that had happened, they were terrified, and exclaimed, "Surely He was the Son of God!" 

 Many women were there, watching from a distance. They had followed Jesus from Galilee to care for His needs. Among them were Mary Magdelene, Mary the mother of James and Joseph, and the mother of Zebedee's sons (Matthew 27:45-55).

Artwork by niece -Emma Clark

God causes and allows life's storms, even violent, long lasting ones sometimes to potentially bring about abundant new life. Jesus' death was thee example of that. He died and was buried and rose again so we too might accept Him and have new life with Him. God also gave us examples in the Bible like Jonah, Noah, and Paul who experienced both literal and figurative storms to fulfill His purposes to help and encourage us and point us to what God's grace and Power can accomplish in us.

As I thought about the faces in the crowd and what each experienced, I thought how those responsible for His death were probably so proud of what they thought they had accomplished, while other observers were shocked, in disbelief. I imagined those that loved Jesus were deeply grieved and wondered if all hope was gone. I thought about Satan. He was there too, rejoicing I'm sure, thinking his plan was successful. Each one's perspective was a little different no doubt. No matter how each one perceived it, a major storm had entered their life. Horror. Shock. So many emotions. They probably wondered, Was this it? Was it all over? And what do we do now? 

See the cross on the hill? Can you hear the soldiers pound the nails? Jesus' enemies smirk. Satan's demons lurk. All that is evil rubs its hands in glee "'This time," Satan whispers. "This time I will win."...Yet what Satan intended as the ultimate evil, God used for the ultimate good."

God rolled the rock away. Jesus walked out on Sunday morning, a smile on His face and a bounce to His steps. And if you look closely, you can see Satan scampering from the cemetery with his tail between his legs.  "You'll Get Through This." -Max Lucado

"Will I ever win?" Satan grumbles. No. He won't. Jesus and the Bible character of Joseph and a thousand others assure us that what Satan intends for evil, God uses for good.

Do you believe that no evil is beyond God's reach? That He can redeem every pit, including this one in which you find yourself?

("You'll Get Through This" - Max Lucado Quotes from book with same title)

Satan's full-time job is to steal, kill, and destroy lives. He wants yours. He is the master deceiver and lies are all he speaks. Don't be fooled by him. If you're Christ's child, Satan knows how precious you are to Jesus  therefore, he wants to make you miserable, fearful, and destroy you so you can't help to further God's Kingdom. He knows you are important to the building of the Kingdom and wants you to become ineffective. He succeeds at this many times, but in Christ, he can never steal your soul. If you're Satan's child (and by the way you're either one or the other and Hell or Heaven is your final destination), he will do everything within his power to continue to lure you to sin and live according to the world's ways and blind you so he can steal your soul. "Consider how precious a soul must be, when both God and the devil are after it." (C. H. Spurgeon). His success rate is sky rocketing. Sadly, unaware to the takers. 

A song by Third Day came on the radio, "CRY OUT TO JESUS"(click to listen). It too, caught my attention differently than previous times. It was Holy Saturday, the day after Good Friday. According to the Bible, Holy Saturday commemorates the day that Jesus Christ lay in the tomb after His death. Those lyrics made me think about Mary, Jesus' mother, and what it must've been like seeing her Son's death through her eyes...I imagined her crying out to Jesus, her Son; her heart aching for Him.

During this time, I was potting a cactus plant and pricked my thumb on one of it's needle's. My finger was also stuck with a thorn from a rose bush. Ow...that hurt! That caused me to think about Jesus' horrific death, I can't imagine what all He experienced. If one thorn hurts for a second or two, I really can't fathom what He endured for all of mankind's sin. But because I too have experienced the death of a child, I can imagine what Mary experienced, though not at all the same! The intense pain, I imagine, led her to cry out to Jesus day and night.

I can speculate and wonder about many things that happened that day, but I know this...when we cry out to Jesus, "He'll meet you wherever you are. When you're lonely and it feels like the whole world is falling on you, you just reach out, cry out to Jesus. There is hope for the helpless and rest for the weary and love for the broken heart. He'll meet you where ever you are, just cry out to Jesus." God hears our cries! "In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God (Romans 8:26-27).

Mary waited, along with everyone else, but her wait was different. Her relationship with Jesus was so different than anyone else's. She endured the long hours and the dark nights. Not at all like the wee hours of the night taking care of an infant. I can imagine an intense suffering that causes lack of sleep and hunger and not much strength to even pray. Sometimes all we can muster in these hard times is "Help me!" But that's all it takes with Jesus and He's right there. He is always near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18).

After waiting, three arduous days, Hope appeared. As Scripture says, weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5). The Bible says, early Sunday morning, Jesus had risen! They began to understand and in time started putting pieces together. Though Mary and the other disciples and followers were rejoicing, Jesus would leave again, but He assured them He would return the same way in which He ascended. He was going away so the Holy Spirit could come and be their Helper to get through life. He assured them He was going to prepare a place and would come back to get them. That didn't take the pain away though. I'm sure Mary wanted her pain to end as much as we do when when we're hurting or suffering. But, God's ways aren't ours. He wants us to want Him more than we want our pain to cease. He wants our heart wholly devoted to Him. He asks me to trust in Him and put ALL MY HOPE (click to listen) in Jesus.

"I know if You wanted to You could wave Your hand, spare me this heartache and change Your plan and I know any second You could take my pain away, but even if You don't I pray, help me want the Healer more than the healing, help me want the Savior more than the saving, help me want the Giver more than the giving, help me want You Jesus MORE THAN ANYTHING (click to listen). You know more than anyone my flesh is weak and you know I'd give anything for a remedy and I'll ask a thousand more times to set me free today, oh, but even if You don't I pray, help me want the Healer more than the healing. When I'm desperate and my heart's overcome all that I need You've already done." Natalie Grant

What I loved about the card is even though I may not always be happy and like God's ways, His Word is Truth. Because I'm a daughter of the King, absolutely nothing can take away my joy and I will see Jesus and all those in Christ who have gone before me. I am praising the Lord in the midst of brokenness and pain because I know God redeems and restores. In Christ, my hope is sure, IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL(click to listen).



It's in our circumstances, ordained by God, that He uses the pain and suffering of this world to get our attention to teach us to rely and trust Him. As I was walking in the park one Spring morning thinking and praying, I noticed a sign that read, "slippery when wet." It caught my attention differently this time... I thought how our lives could be compared to the pathway I was walking on. As the rain pounds on the pavement, the surface can become slippery and unless you've paid attention to the sign and your footing is sure, you may fall. God doesn't want us to fall. That's why He gave us His Word to warn and encourage us. But the rain can beat down so hard that it causes us to become "slippery when wet," when we aren't prepared. We can lose our footing and fall never to recover; never to reach out to God. Or, we can stand and let it soak into our life and be awakened or renewed by it so we can  grow and mature. When difficult times come we have one of two options. Learn and grow or wither and be useless or die. We can bloom where we are planted or we can take up space and just survive and be of little or no use. It's our choice. We can choose to exist and take up space or we can choose joy and the abundant life. I choose JOY (click to listen).

Be joyful always; pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).

 Because God's love is so great, He gave His only Son to endure a violent storm to change the world so we might come to a saving knowledge of Him. Left alone, we wouldn't see our need for Him and would continue to live for ourselves. He knows our perspective needs to change to see more like He does. He knows how to cultivate the soil of each heart. He knows how deep to go and how long it will take. God uses these circumstances so hearts will be desperate for Him and be satisfied in Him The Enemy comes to destroy our life, but Jesus died so we might have life and have it more abundantly...forever (John 10:10)

When God desires to create more power in your life, He creates more friction. He uses this pressure to generate spiritual power. Some people cannot handle it, and run from the pressure instead of receiving the power and using it to rise above the painful experience that produced it. A.B. Simpson


His love for us is immeasurable and because of that love He disciplines us just like an earthly father would to develop our character. He wants us to know Him more and enjoy Him forever.

In this world you will have tribulation, but take heart, I've overcome the world (John 16:33).

Because I'm a daughter of the King, absolutely nothing can take away my joy in Jesus Christ. I am praising the Lord in the midst of brokenness and heartache because I know God redeems and restores. In Christ, my hope is secure and confident and He is my Peace.

The card stayed on my windowsill many months to remind me of those three promises I'm still holding onto. 
One, I will see Jesus. Two, I will rejoice. And, three, no one will take away my joy

 (John 16:22). The Devil thought he could. His end is coming. Read Revelation...you'll see.

I may not always be happy and like God's ways, but His Word is Truth and the Promiser keeps His promises. Today, we are one day closer to eternity. I hope and pray you are on the right side, the Light side.

When all hope seems gone...cry out to Jesus. He will come to your rescue!

P.S. I've mentioned before about the lies I start to believe prior to publishing these posts and how Satan sometimes uses that I think to detour me away from writing. I wanted to share in closing, that I struggled with that again! This post was all but finished a week after the March 2018 post. The farther it got away from Easter I thought it's too late for this, but God kept bringing it to my mind. About a week later, I heard a Charles Stanley radio broadcast that was very convicting titled, "The Landmine of Fear." I never really realized my fearfulness of some things until I heard that. He talked of the consequences of fear, one being that it stifles your creativity. He said, "People have abilities and talents they never enjoy because of fear; anything that keeps you from being who God created you to be, doesn't fit who you are. And point two... procrastination. He described procrastination as being afraid of doing something the wrong way or not living up to one's expectations that they just don't do anything. They become indecisive. They can't make a decision because they're afraid to make the wrong one. They are willing to suffer the guilt of not doing it, then to try and fail; suppose this, suppose that, suppose, suppose, suppose. That resonated with me! So, after hearing that message and hearing a song by Rend Collective called, "COUNTING EVERY BLESSING,"(click to listen). That's what really spoke to me. After the song played, the radio announcer said, "We don't have to wait until Thanksgiving to count our blessings. We have much to be thankful for." Thank you, Lord for all You've done for us.

 God speaks to us when our ears and hearts are open to hear. I "heard" God say last year, "It doesn't have to be Easter Sunday to celebrate Jesus' resurrection and post this. Every day is Easter because Christ is risen, and He lives! Hallelujah!
Happy Resurrection Sunday.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

If you are battling with depression, addiction, or suicidal thoughts, please know YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You are not weak for admitting your need for help! You are not a burden to anyone! Don't believe the lies in your head! YOU ARE LOVED, but more importantly, you are loved by God, your Maker. Help IS available. Choose to talk to someone, share your feelings and get help!

Blessings. Birthdays. Balloons. 

 

Standing by Balloons...

"I'm not supposed to be just a container of comfort; I'm meant to be a conduit of comfort." 

Dr. Paul David Tripp

Last May, my family mistakenly left me at church. Now, I've heard of parents forgetting their children, but I've never heard a story about the parent being forgotten. We were in two vehicles that Sunday and after a brief phone call I found out, well, there was a mix-up. So as I was finding a place to stand to wait on my ride, I noticed a cluster of balloons tied to a sign in front of the church. I thought, those are pretty, I wonder why they're here? As I stood there waiting, I thought, "Lord, why have I been left here? Is there a purpose in this? I know Lord, everything in life is orchestrated by Your hand, but why I am standing here by these balloons waiting?" About that time, I noticed in the parking lot someone carrying some bags walking over towards me. It was Pam, a long-time friend from church. I spoke and asked what she was doing. She explained that she was handing out gifts (monogrammed blankets) to the graduating seniors at Northbrook and had already given Tucker (my middle son) his and was making a few final deliveries. Then, she got a little closer and the best I can remember she said, "I want to share a story with you, but I'll probably start crying." I said, "Well, I probably will too and that's okay, tears are good." Through her tears, she shared her story that touched me deeply. This is her story:

 "After Clark David's death, I pondered, (I'm a ponderer too) about what I could've done that might've made a difference in his life. Immediately, I remembered that the Holy Spirit had laid on my heart to give a graduation blanket to him. I didn't do it. My thoughts were...I don't know him THAT well, he would think it was weird, y'all might feel obligated to get my children something. As I openly wept and mourned him and was so full of sorrow for you and your family, I thought, 'what if in his moment of despair that blanket had been in his sight...he saw it, and it brought to mind that someone thought of him...would that have made a difference? How would I ever know? I wasn't obedient to the Holy Spirit's prompting. From that moment on, I knew that whomever God laid on my heart to give a blanket to, I would. No matter how awkward or obscure it might seem to me; I will not be the one to to decide that. I will listen and obey without another thought. Laura Doss started monogramming each one's name on the blankets for me and I wanted to add something to it so the recipients would know my love for them through Christ. Last year (the year Tucker graduated), Laura made the tags to sew on the blankets to remind the graduates that they are "covered" in prayer. So, I give them in honor and memory of Clark David; a reminder to myself that whenever the Holy Spirit "nudges" me, I must be obedient. And it's also why I continue to teach the girls Bible Study class. I see that God has put me in their lives to mentor them through the difficult teen years."

 I treasured it all in my heart and realized then, that's why I was standing by those balloons. God wanted to comfort me with a redemption story through Clark David's death and He used that time and place to do it. Through my tears, I thanked her. I told her that she had no idea what that meant to me and how grateful I was that she told me. I was happy my family left me ;). Once the blanket made it into the house from Tucker's truck days later, I took a picture of his blanket and saved the picture. What's so special about the blanket too, is the monogrammed label that reads, "Covered" in prayer, the Lindseys." Pam realizes the power of prayer and wanted to let the graduates know they are loved and "covered" by prayer.

 I was eager to write a blog post about this. Like I've mentioned before, I want to listen to the Lord's prompting in writing these posts. Even though I started several times to write about it, it never transpired. 

Fast forward to Monday, February 18th of this year. That morning I received a phone call from Pam. Knowing Pam, she probably wouldn't mind me sharing our conversation because she gave me permission to share her story, but to keep this part somewhat confidential, she basically called to tell me she missed seeing me at church and wanted to share her heart and talk about how that affected her. I feel certain Pam would agree that the above quote, "I'm not supposed to be just a container of comfort; I'm meant to be a conduit of comfort," was her heart. Our touching conversation that day led my heart back to where I stood last May.

Later that day, I texted Pam and asked if she would mind me sharing the reason behind the graduation blankets. She was honored and willing to give me her permission in hopes it would help strengthen someone else's walk with the Lord, for His glory. She went on to say it would be hard to articulate and put into written word because it was such a turning point in her faith. The impact the regret had on her of not being obedient to the Holy Spirit in her heart, she felt was too strong for appropriate words, but she graciously texted it out and sent it to me. I made an entry in my journal of our conversation and put it aside. 


As Pam and I texted that day something she said resonated with me, "Satan attacks the core of what is most important in advancing God's Kingdom - Christian homes that are living to glorify God." Later, I couldn't help but think about how Satan tries to tempt and deceive our mind and how he was allowed to deceive Pam's (like how he deceived Clark David's mind...any of our minds into thinking wrongly and making wrong choices). Just because we perceive a thought, doesn't make it truth. Where God puts periods, Satan always puts question marks in our mind. Satan used those thoughts, questions, and distractions to convince her not to do it. "It wasn't worth it; too many things were at stake." If he can get us to think incorrectly and we take the bait, then he has caught us hook, line, and sinker as the saying goes. Satan is after our mind, but so is God. Satan knows all the battles start in the mind so that's what he attacks. God created our minds and Satan so God knew before Satan that's where the battle would start.That's why after God allowed Jesus, His only Son to be crucified, die and be buried,that He would raise Him on the third day so God could send the Holy Spirit to be our Helper. And if you might be thinking why did God create Satan and allow this? God created Lucifer (Satan) who was Heaven's most beautiful of all the angels and Lucifer was jealous of God and chose to rebel against God. Lucifer was cast down from Heaven to Earth and now is the prince of the power of the air (Ephesians 2:2), and is still prowling around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour (1Peter 5:8). But, Satan's plan backfired that day. Oh, it looked like Satan won, but no, God always has a countermove! It looks like Satan is still winning. He isn't. He has already been defeated and so has death because Jesus is alive!

Where we stand in life determines what we see. God is a God of redemption and Satan's plan has backfired here too.I told Pam, I too, had struggled with the "what if's." Nothing would've changed the outcome. Satan wants us to stay stuck in all the "what if's" and play the blame game so we will be ineffective for the Kingdom. It started in the Garden of Eden and still goes on today. But God is sovereign over all and is the Author of life and death period (Deuteronomy 32:32, 1 Samuel 2:6). All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be (Psalm 139:16). A person's days are determined; You have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed (Job 14:5). I pondered all that in my heart and time rocked on. Still no blog post. 

As we age, we all know our eyesight changes. We don't see as clearly as we once did. Everything starts to get blurry. As with life. When we don't have the right perspective our vision is impaired. We don't see things as we should which may even cause us to become cynical (distrustful, believing the worst of others, sarcastic, selfishly or callously calculating, negative or pessimistic). God has to get our attention. Because He loves us so much, He uses our afflictions, in whatever sizes they come, for His purposes, "so I can be all that I am."  In February I heard a message on Psalm 73 about coming into the sanctuary of the Lord, coming near the Lord, and when we do, He reveals Himself to us. He wants us to listen to Him and not the world. The man said it's where you stand in life that determines what you see. You will see things differently based on your perspective. Only God can change your perspective and allow you to see as He does. I know that's what He has done so many times in my life and I'm grateful. Because of where I stood and am standing, God has changed my vision and keeps changing my vision, therefore my perspective is different and my spiritual vision is becoming clearer.

So, today, Thursday, March 14th, (when I first started this post) my plan was to write about the blankets in memory of what would've been Clark David's 24th birthday. I felt it was time to write even though I never know when I start if and when I will publish it (I still have two posts I've not shared). I dropped off my daughter, Tess, at school (by the way for almost the last time this week...her 16th birthday is Tuesday :)). It was pouring down rain as I listened to the radio on the way home. Three songs came on that God used to comfort my hurting heart in missing Clark David. The first one was by For King and Country, "GOD ONLY KNOWS." 'Nobody sees you - nobody would believe you - everyday you try to pick up all the pieces - all the memories - they somehow never leave you - nobody sees you...God only knows what you've been through - God only knows the real you - there's a kind of love that God only knows.' That song not only spoke to me about myself and my relationship with the Lord, it also reminded me of Pam and how it would be hard to explain well, the relationship she had with the Lord in what He did in her life when she found out about Clark David's death.This kind of relationship is one "God only knows." Then, the song "SCARS" by I Am They came on. It's where I am. It's just where anybody is that has been afflicted and been through the intense flames of adversity and has turned to the Lord for help. 'Waking up to a new sunrise - looking back from the other side - I can see now with open eyes - darkest water and deepest pain - I wouldn't trade it for anything - 'cause my brokenness brought me to You and these wounds are a story You'll use - so I'm thankful for the scars - 'cause without them I wouldn't know Your heart - and I know they'll always tell of who You are - so forever I am thankful for the scars - my brokenness brought me to You and I see You and understand more of Your heart - I am not who I was before - I can see how You delivered me and I found my victory - I will tell of who You are.' Before I got home the very next and last song was "BETTER FOR IT" by Cullman native Riley Clemmons. I love the lyrics to this song too because, 'I wouldn't say I would've chosen it - that time I hit the bottom and it hurt a little bit - funny how being down can make you look up, but I'm better for it - all I could see in the moment was my heart and how it felt ripped open, I'll admit - I found You down low in the brokenness and now I'm better for it - I count it all as joy even when I'm in the flame - 'cause I know You always - gimme, gimme, gimme grace when I need it - hindsight 20/20, now I see that - You let me be where I've been - so I can be all that I am - gimme, gimme, gimme faith to believe that - when it hurts, there's a real good reason - You let me be where I've been - so I can be all that I am - I used to think pain was a consequence - but now I kinda think it might be the perfect gift You use to get me straight to You - and I'm better for it.'

After hearing those songs and getting back home to the computer, I was reflecting on where I've been in my brokenness and I started typing...

We all have some sort of brokenness we live in and even though mine isn't the same as yours, pain is pain, heartache is heartache, and loss is loss. No matter what you're going through whether it be small or big, life isn't easy and we all have sin struggles. We all face battles, some more intense than others, but no one escapes life unscathed. We might as well be honest (IF WE'RE HONEST) so we can grow and learn through each others stories and be comforted and encouraged by them. We never know how God can use what we experience to help others along their journey when we're willing to let others in. As I was in the middle of writing, I paused to look outside. The hard rain had quit when I got home, but at that moment, it started misting rain, a sign of blessing. Like the rain and tulips in my last post, it reminded me of Franklin Graham's prayer at Donald Trump's Presidential Inauguration (click to view). I started thinking differently. Instead of writing exclusively about the gift from Pam, I started to focus more on the balloons and where I stood at Northbrook. I clearly saw, through tear filled eyes, why my writing had been delayed. God had gone before me, as He always does, and had me stand by the balloons in order to send me another blessing ten months later. His "tug from above" took my heart back to the colorful balloons tied to that sign and God was letting me know He doesn't forget anyone. I just knew, I had this feeling God had me there for a specific reason and He did. I thought, Lord, You are so faithful and when I patiently wait on YOU, You work everything out in Your time. I just have to be in tune to Him, expecting and looking for Him and He always comes through. So, God showed me why He caused my eyes to notice the balloons that day. God knew He would use the balloons to help me celebrate the 19 years of  memories we have of Clark David's life. God delivered birthday balloons via Heaven to my heart to comfort me. 

I received several unexpected texts yesterday from family and friends and I am grateful for each one!!! Each text was such an encouragement to me and shows the love we have for each other. One came from Josh Reed, Clark David's good friend. It always touches my heart to hear from his friends. I know they miss him so! I'm looking forward to going to Josh and Summer's wedding in June even though I know it will be a bittersweet day. One text came from my friend Julie Fillinger whose son passed away a year before Clark David. She understands the importance of celebrating life, but most importantly to be reminded of eternal life and what we have to look forward to. God is so good to use just the right people at just the right time to comfort us so we don't feel alone. Another text came from our long-time friend Wendy Brandon (and her husband Scott). She's the Wendy I wrote about two years ago that showed up with a birthday cake unexpectedly in memory of  Clark David. She wanted to send me a hug, let me know she was remembering Clark David's birthday and asked if we had any special plans and if so, could they meet us somewhere. The tornadic, stormy weather cooperated and we made plans for dinner. I know that Buffalo Wild Wings would've been his favorite place to eat in Cullman so we planned to meet there.

Not surprising to me, I didn't get finished writing and had to put it on pause to head to the restaurant. I knew the Lord must have more things in store....

And He did. We were glad to see our friends we haven't seen in awhile. Characteristically of Wendy, here she came carrying a cake. Guess what was on it this time?  As another Pam friend of mine would say, "I'll give you three guesses and the first two don't count." That's right....balloons! That may be little to you, but from where I stood, it was big. God always shows up and never disappoints. It's just like Him, well, He's always present, but God showed off. Wendy had no idea about the balloons, nor the blog idea and she brought a cake with balloons on it! That's all the confirmation I needed; God affirming the "balloons from Heaven" and prompting me to keep writing. Not that I needed any confirmation, but I thought wow, Lord, how You speak to my heart. I continue to be amazed how big God is and yet how intricately He is involved in our lives because He cares and loves us so deeply and wants us to experience His love. God promises in His Word that we will lack no good thing. "So when God promises that we will lack no good thing, He means we will lack nothing that would bring us more of God. We will have absolutely everything that will bring us more of God" (Steve Fuller). We enjoyed our visit. As we caught up on life, we laughed and had fun spending time together. It was such a sweet blessing. Providentially, two different people in the restaurant were celebrating their birthday's. The employees and restaurant guests participated in the singing. To me, it's as if God used even those birthday songs to sing over Clark David in celebration of his birth (with loud singing and it was really loud).  I still was unable to finish my writing to post it on his birthday...

Balloons are always associated with festive occasions and add color and fun to any moment. They are often seen at birthday celebrations and when my children were younger, balloons were always displayed at their birthday parties. Thanks to God, this celebration of life was no different. God used even the balloons on the cake to show me how involved He is. It may not mean as much to you as it does me, it probably doesn't and that's okay because 'God only knows' and that's all that matters.

Today, March 15th, has been another busy day and lots of little "interruptions," but I know one day I will complete this. The "juices didn't seem to be flowing" as the saying goes. However, I received another surprise text message today from Kathy Skinner, the mom of Clark David's friend, Michael. I thought, well the love and encouragement keep coming. Then, my mother-in-law stopped by. Because of the stormy, rainy weather yesterday, she was unable to get flowers for Clark David's grave. So, she delivered them today and wanted me to see the picture. Another special delivery. Like me blogging for therapeutic reasons and to share my story, she loves to fix flowers for him. She knows he isn't at the grave, but it makes her feel good in remembering him in that way just like it does for me to remember him through writing. We all have unique hearts and remember our loved ones in different ways. If I would've posted yesterday, then I would've missed adding the flowers to this post and the Scriptures along with it. I'm glad she came.

 All the lyrics to the songs I heard Thursday spoke to me about where my life was before and where my life is now. Even though the pain is still there, I am "better for it" and I praise the Lord for it. 

As I looked up the songs to be able to link them to the titles of the songs, I watched the video to "GOD ONLY KNOWS." Little did I know when I heard the song that  it was about a girl contemplating suicide. I was so surprised. I had no idea that song was about that. How providential again. "God only knows" what people really struggle with. We never know how our love to someone else can make their day. We are never guaranteed tomorrow, but the choices we make today determine our tomorrow. "Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away" (James 4:14). Today may be your last day to live the way God intends for you to, loving Him and loving others. I pray for those who may read this who are down and out and harassed by the Enemy. Satan would like for you to "throw in the towel." Don't let him get a stronghold in your life. Focus on the cross, what Jesus did for you, and His love for you and cry to Him for help. He will come to your rescue.

So, yesterday came and went too. Today is March 16 as I write and still an unpublished post. I think this may be why. It's what the Spirit put on my heart anyway. After leaving Tess' track meet late this evening, we ran by her favorite restaurant...Chick-Fil-A. As we were heading home I said, well, we could stop by and see the flowers at the cemetery. As I stood there briefly and looked at the flowers and took a picture, I remembered today was the day four years ago that his headstone was erected at the cemetery. I will never forget that day. I think I mentioned this in another post, but it was the second worst day of my life. It was just hard seeing it "finalized" by this large stone with big letters of our son's last name. But, it was a precious moment to me to end the day as my husband, Chad stood there and said, "Happy Birthday Clark David." Then, he put his arm around me and we walked back to the car. I knew I would publish this post tonight.

Your birthday is always remembered by those who love you and we are grateful you were and are still a part of our lives and the memories of you still linger on.

We wait in joyful hope. Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and shield. For our heart is glad in Him because we trust in His holy name. Let Your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in You (Psalm 33:20-22).

Indeed, none who wait for You shall be put to shame; they shall be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous.
Make me to know Your ways, O Lord; teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; for You I wait all the day long (Psalm 25:3-5).

The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with loud signing (Zephaniah 3:17).
In Christ Jesus you have the guarantee of eternal life with Him. Life may be unsettling, but a place of unparalleled beauty and joy awaits the one who knows Christ as Savior, Lord, and Life. Heaven is real, and its blessings are sure. In Christ Jesus you have the Source of true life.     
--Charles Stanley


The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full (John 10:10).                          


Just and true are Your ways, King of the ages (Revelation 15:3)

....When the fires of affliction draw songs of praise from us, we are indeed purified, and our God is glorified! --Sreams in the Desert, L.B. Cowman

God still has His secrets--hidden from "the wise and learned" (Luke 10:21). Do not fear these unknown things, but be content to accept the things you cannot understand and to wait patiently. In due time He will reveal the treasures of the unknown to you--the riches of the glory of the mystery. Recognize that the mystery is simply the veil covering God's face.  --Streams in the Desert

"May all our affliction, regardless of what it may be in this life, only be a tool of the Lord to contrast our vision to see Christ as the infinite treasure He really is." --Unknown

"If God is our greatest treasure, then what makes something good is whether it brings us more of God." He is my all-satisfying treasure." --Steve Fuller

For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly (Psalm 84:11 KJV). Young lions lack food and go hungry, but those who seek the LORD will not lack any good thing (Psalm 34:10 CSB).

Much love and prayers for you and yours....

For His name's sake....to God be the glory, Amen. 

P.S. Thank you, Pam Lindsey for sharing your heart with me.

And as always, thank you Wendy and Scott for your friendship, sharing  March 14th with us, making more memories and making us laugh! We love y'all.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

If you are battling with depression, addiction, or suicidal thoughts, please know YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You are not weak for admitting your need for help! You are not a burden to anyone! Don't believe the lies in your head! YOU ARE LOVED, but more importantly, you are loved by God, your Maker. Help IS available. Choose to talk to someone, share your feelings and get help!