Blue Christmas and The Longest Night

Thursday, December 21, was winter solstice (winter equinox) which is the shortest day and the longest night of the year. In the Western Christian tradition, "Blue Christmas" is a day in the Advent season of  preparing for Jesus' birth, that commemorates the longest night of the year. On this night, some churches hold a service that honors people who have experienced loss. It's a service of remembrance and hope, reflection and prayer. It emphasizes Jesus as the Light of the world, (wikipedia.org). So long ago, the birth of the Savior of the world brought Light into the dark, dark night. John 1:5 claims, "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it." 

As I attended this service in my hometown with family and friends, and my family and I lit a candle in my son's memory, looking at all the flames aglow that once represented life reminded me of the Light that shines in the darkness of this evil world, but that darkness (death) has not overcome it. Though so much in the world is getting more ungodly and dark, that's when the Light shines even brighter. Like when a broken earthen vessel held up to the light exposes the cracks and allows the light to seep through, so it is with human life, the more broken you are the more light that can shine through... 

"Doesn't matter how deep, how dark the night is

Keep hoping, keep on shining

And they'll see His light burning in your heart

And if the road gets rough, just keep your head up

Let the world see what you're made of

That His love's alive in your deepest parts

Like a flame, like a burning star you can shine right where you are

He made you to glow in the dark

Don't be ashamed of your past

If you're shattered like a piece of glass

The more broke you are the more the light gets through

Show your wounds and your flaws

Show them why you still need the cross 

Let them see the work He's doing in you

That even in the darkest place

His love can make you radiate... 

 Lighting the candle also put my mind on pause briefly as I remembered my longest, darkest night and how God brought me "songs in the night" (I plan to write about that in the future). It was the beginning of my yet unknown, journey to understand the death of my son. God has since showed me it must first get dark for Him to give me a "song in the night." The long winter days of life are not at all enjoyable, but oh, so necessary to see God's perspective and appreciate the cross, the message of hope, and eternal life like never before.

David, in the Bible, is well known for being a man after God's own heart. What few realize is how closely this characteristic is related to the way he repeatedly paid attention to loss and disappointment. Two-thirds of his Psalms are laments. He ordered the people to join him in singing a lament after Saul's death (2 Samuel 1:18). David understood how indispensable grieving is to spiritual maturity and depth (emotionallyhealthy.org).

"Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me. Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me" (Psalm 23:4). David encountered many dangers in the field as a young shepherd boy, but His trust in the Lord kept him steady. He knew the Lord would lead him. God was his source of hope. To know hope, one first experience times of hopelessness.

Jesus, our example to emulate, lamented. It tells us in verse 35 of John chapter 11, Jesus wept. If Jesus, the Son of God wept even knowing that the resurrection was coming, how much more should we need to grieve in our disappointments? There is a time for rejoicing yet also weeping. God's love language of tears is a gift to us to benefit us in many ways, but we sometimes shy away from it and sadly are even told not to. 

For many people the Christmas holidays are a lonely, sometimes very difficult time. A loved one has passed from this life to the next, others have lost relationships, marriages have not withstood adversity, jobs have been lost, and diseases are being fought. A service like Blue Christmas allows a specific time to be set aside to recognize and pay attention to certain losses while at the same time remember the power and goodness of God and His gift of life (emotionallyhealthy.org). It is a time of encouragement and hope to focus on all God's promises and know that we are never alone and He gives us others to walk with us through this journey from mourning to joy.

It's hard to believe this is the fourth Christmas without Clark David. I still shake my head sometimes in utter disbelief of how he died, but that doesn't mean I am stuck here in my sorrow or not moving forward. Pain and tears is not a sign of a life without joy. It shows I have loved and still do. Am I sorrowful? Yes! Am I rejoicing? Yes! Just like Paul said in 2 Corinthians 6:10, "sorrowful, yet always rejoicing."

Clark David's classmate, Connor Strickland, whom I'm not sure how well he knew him, passed away two years and three days after Clark David was laid to rest. I became friends with his mom, Jill. She doesn't know how God has stirred my affections for Him through song and how He comforts me with music, but she shared a song with me just this week, "The Sweetest Gift." How timely and appropriate. That is so like God, always right on time! God used Jill to deliver a new song to me and give me the comfort and strength I need this Christmastime. It's so comforting and encouraging to know God doesn't want us to walk alone. "No Man Is an Island" as the song says and God gives us flesh to do life with so we can help walk each other Home as we go through the "Hills and Valleys"of this journey.

Thank you to Jon Schmidt for sharing your painful, dark night as God comforts others with the story of your daughter Annie (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yFXfAGl17Mhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yFXfAGl17M) And thank you to The Piano Guys for recording this song that shares some of the sentiments I've pondered in my heart that you so beautifully put to music.

"I'm not going to lie Christmas hurts...as I place your ornament upon our tree. Although this year I have a broken heart it gives me hope and joy as I remember where you are."  You are missed greatly as we press on without you, but you are always in our hearts. Praise the Lord that you are with Him!

Thank you Father, God for sending Your Son down from Heaven to become flesh and dwell among us, empathize with us in our weakness, die for our sin, so we could put our hope in You and You can be our Peace when we trust in You. The sweetest Gift.

Quiet my heart Lord and keep leading me through this valley and back into the light of eternal hope. Thank You for giving me a fresh sense of peace and hope this Christmas as we celebrate the birth of Jesus!

Thank You that You are always making all things new (Revelation 21:5). 

I am rejoicing because "All my hope is in Jesus, thank God my yesterday's gone...all my sins are forgiven. I've been washed by the blood."

Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call His name Emmanuel...God with us (Matthew 1:23).

I pray for those that will read this that God will reveal Himself to you, He will be your Comforter in dark times, you will trust in Him with all your heart and not lean on your own understanding, but acknowledge Him in all your ways so He can make your path straight...you will fear the Lord... which will bring nourishment to your soul

 (Proverbs 3:5-8).

Listen to the message of hope through music by clicking on yellow words that are links to songs.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! If you are struggling with life and your purpose, addiction, or suicidal thoughts, seek help, talk to someone. Life can be difficult, but people do care and will listen. You are not weak. Cry out to God. He will come to your rescue. Help is available. Make the right choice...choose life. 

I KNOW...

It's always good to be reminded of the truth we know...

Truth needs repetition because we forget so easily.

The Living Bible says in 2 Peter 1:12-15, I plan to keep on reminding you of these things even though you already know them and are really getting along quite well! But the Lord Jesus Christ has showed me that my days here are numbered and I am soon to die. As long as I'm still here I intend to keep sending these reminders to you, hoping to impress them so clearly upon you that you will remember them long after I've gone.

I have a letter I treasure. It's filled with truth I like to be reminded of. It uses the word "know" 14 times. Written three years ago and originally kept folded in my purse as a reminder of God's love, it now hangs on our refrigerator because it testifies to God's faithfulness to me as He knows my thoughts before I do and what I need. As I recently straightened the area of papers, I came across it and reread it, as I had not in over two years. The tears that flow each time I read it are evidence of loving. Loving deeply makes it hurt deeply, but even tears have purposes and each one brings with it a little more healing.

As, I mentioned in a previous post, God has revealed so many things to me during this trial and many blog posts ideas have been partially jotted down either on paper or in my head (hence the therapeutic desire I think to get them out) in hopes to share what God has shown me. Also, to give hope and comfort to others including my family and leave a legacy for my children so they may see God's hand in every aspect of life. Just today as I was writing this, a friend texted me asking for the blog address in hopes to help a struggling friend. I know when I pray and follow His prompting, the consequences of how He may use it are left in His hands and nothing is wasted in His hands.

So as another Thanksgiving approaches, with any holiday or day for that matter, I tend to look at what's missing. I always will, but to remember what I had and have helps change my focus. Having recently read the aforementioned letter, I pondered some of the many things I have to be grateful for and some of the things I know...

Foremost, I'm grateful for forgiveness! I'm grateful that after the fall of mankind in the garden so long ago, God made a way to reconcile His creation to Himself (John 3:17).

I'm grateful He so loved all the people in the world that while we were still sinning He allowed His only Son, sinless Son, to endure an excruciating death to pay for our sins past, present, and future so we might spend eternity with Him (John 3:16;Romans 5:8).

I'm grateful God made a way to accept this free gift of salvation if we just believe and surrender our life to Him; take up our cross and die to self as He did (Acts 16:31; Job 22:21-22; Mark 16:16).




I know all these things based on Scripture, what God's Word says and He doesn't lie (Numbers 23:19; Titus 1:2; Hebrews 6:18).

I know I am a sinner (Romans 3:23).

I know the blood of Jesus covers all my sin (1 John 1:7).

I know it's by grace through faith that I have salvation and it is a gift of God (Ephesians 2:8).

I know grace and peace will be multiplied to me in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord 
(2 Peter 1:2 NIV). The Living Bible asks the question, "Do you want more and more of God's kindness and peace? Then learn to know Him better and better. For as you know Him better, He will give you, through His great Power, everything you need for living a truly good life: He even shares His own glory and goodness with us!" (2 Peter 1:2-3)

And we (I) know that the Son of God has come, and has given us (me) understanding so that we (I) may know Him who is true...(1 John 5:20a).

We (I) know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son...(Romans 8:28-29).

I know the Lord is near the broken-hearted and saves the crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18).


Less than 24 hours after receiving the horrific news of my son's death, my friend and sister in Christ, Beverly Poston, was led by the Holy Spirit to write what was on her heart and graciously emailed it to me and my husband. I was filled with emotion upon receiving it. She will never know how God used that to minister to my shattered heart and comfort the broken parts. 

I know I'm grateful for God's lovingkindness to me through family, friends, and brothers and sisters in Christ.

I know I'm grateful for Beverly...

Below is the letter filled with BLESSINGS I continue to be grateful for:

October 7, 2014 

Dear Beth and Chad:

I know I cannot say anything that will help you right now and that I have no idea how you feel. But I do know how I feel and that the Lord has impressed upon me the need and desire to tell you these things.

I know Clark David Heaton is in Heaven with our Lord. I know that deep in my soul and the Lord has given me great assurance this is true.

I know that Clark David was a gift from God to my immediate family and to all who knew him.

I know that Clark David always made me smile; that he gave me joy and comfort.

I know that I loved having Clark David in my home, that I loved waking up in the morning and finding him on the couch or in Richard's bed. That I love having him sitting at the breakfast table.

I know that Clark David was always polite and courteous to me.

I know that Clark David was loved by all of my family.

I know that Clark David loved the Lord and that he had the love of Christ living in him.

I know that I want so badly the opportunity of telling him all of these things.

I know that he has impressed upon me the need to love a little harder, a little stronger.

I know that he has brought me a little closer to God and that the days to come will be a little different and a little more important because of having had Clark David in our life.

I know that I love you, Chad and Beth, and want to hug you and Tucker and Tess and take all the hurt away from you.

I know that I am your friend and sister in Christ and that you can call on me.

Love, Beverly Poston

Grief is the price you pay for 

loving someone. --Zig Ziglar

This Thanksgiving as I reflect on what this day means, it also reminds me of the song my children and I used to sing when they were much younger, "Count Your Blessings." If we stop to count our blessings and name them one by one, it won't take long to see just how much we are loved and adored by God and all He has done for us. If we could grasp His immeasurable love for us (Ephesians 3:17b-18), we might see the trials of this life have been filtered through His loving fingers for reasons we can't yet see. 
We don't deserve anything in this life, but death (Romans 6:23). There is nothing good in any of us apart from Jesus Christ (Romans 3:10). But God lavishes His love on us by providing a way through His Son (John 14:6). That is something to be grateful for!

What I know is minute, compared to the all-surpassing knowledge of our omniscient God and what 
HE KNOWS...

"We may faint and we may sink
Feel the pain and near the brink
But the dark begins to shrink
When you find the One who knows..."


"That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day." 
(2 Timothy 1:12).

I know my Home is a place I've not yet been before, but I know what awaits me there. Jesus is there and that's all I need!
I'm grateful for the gift of eternally living with Jesus and all His children where everything is made new, perfect, and right. 

And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. John 14:3
But, as it is written, "What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him." 1 Corinthians 2:9


What do you know and what are you grateful for?

As God has stirred my affection to Him through music, my story continues to be easily shared through songs. Colored, capitalized words are links to those songs.



YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

If you are battling with depression, addiction, or suicidal thoughts, please know YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You are not weak for admitting your need for help! You are not a burden to anyone! Don't believe the lies in your head! YOU ARE LOVED, but more importantly, you are loved by God, your Maker. Help IS available. Choose to talk to someone, share your feelings and get help!

Brokenness...Butterflies...Beauty...and Blessings

It's hard for me to believe its been seven months since my last post, but God's timing is always perfect! Just when I think I will get back to writing, something happens. Life happens! The Enemy happens! Me happens! All that gets in the way. Or so I think it does. Well, it does, and that's why I have to stay connected to the Holy Spirit living within me and allow Him to control me. Starve my flesh nature and feed my Spirit nature, by renewing my mind daily, focusing on Him, seeking Him first ( Matthew 6:33). Denise, a dear friend, texted me this week, "God IS faithful when we focus on His will rather than our own...that's the daily...hourly...minute by minute struggle." God tries to keep telling me I must see all life's "interruptions" as divine appointments. And remember the quote I memorized, "It's not life and its difficulties we must conquer, but the self in us." God orchestrates everything and He wants me to see Him in everything. He uses all these things to help me pass His tests. Just now my daughter came in the room to show me some slime she was making. She said, "Mom, am I interrupting your thoughts?" (I laughed inside and thought oh, that's a constant in life. The phone, the dryer, what someone did or didn't do, said or didn't say, whatever it may be, God is in control of it all and trying to teach me something, but when will I learn? I can see why people go away to a quite location to write! ;)). So, instead of telling her I was busy, I looked at the newest creation of slime she'd been creating. It was a pretty hue of yellow and as she walked away I turned to look out the window and a beautiful yellow butterfly flitted by. God in everything! Always right on time, but when I least expect it. Am I looking for Him and seeing His love for me? Am I allowing Him to mold me into who He wants me to be? Or am I too focused on me leading me?  I passed that test, but will I pass the next? 

I'm not sure who this may help, (if anyone) if it's just me than that's okay because it does. It's definitely therapeutic. As I've trusted the Lord in the midst of my brokenness. He has put so much on my heart and I want to share it and leave the rest to Him.

Before March 16, 2015, I really didn't care for butterflies that much. I never wanted anything with a butterfly on it. That changed! Tucker (my middle son) and Tess (the youngest and only daughter) know that and now point them out to me! :) 

Five months after the death of my first born son entering his heavenly Home, his earthly birthday March 14, 2015 arrived. Two days later, the headstone for his spot in the Earth was ready to be set. The second hardest day of my life. I will spare all the details here (I get on some people's nerves I'm so detailed ;)), but it was a very difficult but special time. As I walked around the cemetery waiting for the men to finish and for it to dry, I stopped at a friend's relatives grave and noticed the beautiful fresh flowers covering it. I noticed a butterfly land by my feet. I gazed intently at it and then it fluttered away. . .

As I returned home and checked the mailbox (most of the cards had stopped coming by then) there were two cards addressed to me. The first one was from another dear friend, Karen. She didn't have a clue what perfect timing. It was meant for Clark David's birthday, but it was delivered by the hand of God right when I needed it the most! A word from the Lord to help comfort my hurting heart. The second card, to my surprise, was a pink, blue, and gold card in the shape of a butterfly of all things. Inside I would find another message delivered by God through Linda Miller that read, "When I don't know what to say, I say "Praying for you today and I am." Underneath, Deuteronomy 2:7. I immediately went to look that up in my Bible and it read, "The LORD your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He has watched over your journey through this vast wilderness. These 40 years the LORD your God has been with you and you have not lacked anything." I was amazed! I had never read that verse before and it's definitely not one you see printed on things. Only God knows how much I needed that verse, still do, and how His Word carries me through this vast wilderness; this unsettled, uncultivated region of death and suicide. The what if's, should'ves, and could'ves grew dim by meditating on that verse. Even though that verse is speaking to the Israelites, it still applies to me today, and God was proving to me "I lacked nothing." Even though I don't completely understand God's will, He supplied and is supplying me with everything I needed and will need to be who He has called me to be. I've mentioned God's messages to me in previous posts and this was the beginning of His butterfly blessings to me.

April 3, 2015, the four of us traveled to the Tennessee Aquarium. We visited the butterfly garden and while there, a butterfly landed on Tucker's finger. Tess was jealous and wanted one to land on her too :) It was a funny moment and funnier what Tucker said, but I took a quick picture. Of course at the time I didn't know to tap the screen on my phone to make it focus, so the butterfly is a little blurry, but I never noticed it's broken wing.

 Last year, October 6, 2016 at 6:14 p.m. I had another encounter with a butterfly. It landed on a beautiful purple butterfly bush that hours earlier was dropped off at our home by the Thompson family in memory of our separation from Clark David. It was so thoughtful of them and meant so much to me and how timely; it's blooming today :) After closer observation, I noticed its wing was also damaged. That got me to thinking. These butterflies are similar to people's lives. Their lives are pictures of ours really (Google it and see the articles). Spiritually speaking, we are entangled in sin by birth (Psalm 51:5), like being wrapped up in a cocoon. If we accept Jesus, we are born again, our "chains fall off" and we are set free; like breaking free from the cocoon when the timing is perfect for the pupa to become a beautiful butterfly. But as 1 Peter1:6-7 states, if necessary, we will be grieved by various trials so that the tested genuineness of our faith...may be found to result in praise and glory to Christ.

In the season of sorrow, God has shown me He has to break us to remake us. This love relationship with Jesus is like our relationships in life. There's a lot of good and sometimes a lot of "bad." It's a HARD LOVE! What we see as bad, God sees as good. He sees what it has the potential to produce. Most of us are living broken lives. If we aren't now, we will be. That's just how God designed life. HILLS AND VALLEYS. If we let Him have control of everything, God will use all of it for our growth, then we'll be able to help other people thrive (fly) even though we ourselves are damaged (flying around with an injured wing). It's been said a person cannot be used significantly by God until he's been hurt deeply. Those that cement themselves to God when troubles come are being made into something beautiful to be used by God to advance His causes. Sadly, others get trapped, (never freed from the cocoon) caught up in the ways of the world and never quite escape its grip. They die spiritually and are never truly who God designed them to be, however those that live spiritually are being made new. God's specialty...making all things new (Revelation 21:5).

I asked Chad (my husband) to plant the butterfly bush close to the garage, a spot I could enjoy seeing them come(see Rainbow Surprise post to further explain). Last year, after I took the picture at the top of this post, I noticed a butterfly fluttering around in the garage (the last place I saw Clark David). In our almost nine years here, I'd never before seen a butterfly in the garage. As I gently guided it outside, I stopped. God reminded that this beautiful yellow butterfly, His creation, was whole. No brokenness. It was flawless and free! Just like Clark David now, completely whole,
FORGIVEN, FLAWLESS, and FREE...
MADE NEW;
what we all are or can be in Christ Jesus.
He makes THE BROKEN BEAUTIFUL.



"You are my salvation, I will not fear. You're the strength of my life, I won't fear. You hold my head up. I'm alive in You again. I'm made new.

As this song, Hard LOVE says, "A part of you has to die to change...you've gotta burn your old self away. Hold on tight a little longer. What don't kill you makes you stronger. Get back up cause it's a Hard LOVE. You can't change without a fall out. It's going to hurt, but don't you slow down, get back up, 'cause it's a Hard LOVE. You know the situation can't be right and all you ever do is fight but there's a reason why the road is long. It takes some time to make your courage strong. Hold on tight a little longer...it's a Hard LOVE. When the wolves come and hunt me down I will face them all and stand my ground 'cause there's a fire burnin' in me. They will see my strength in this love I'v found...
It's a HARD LOVE!

God stirs my affections toward Him through music. The story He continues writing on my heart, we share together through songs. Only He and I understand those thoughts, but listen and you may hear Him speak to you too. My story, written through song, can be heard by clicking on highlighted words.



For our present troubles are small and won't last long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever
(2 Corinthians 4:17-18 NLT). 

We wait in hope for the LORD; He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. May Your unfailing love be with us, LORD, even as we put our hope in You (Psalm 33:20-22 NIV).


Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD (Psalm 150:6).



YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
If you are battling with depression, addiction, or suicidal thoughts, please know YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You are not weak for admitting your need for help! You are not a burden to anyone! Don't believe the lies in your head! YOU ARE LOVED, but more importantly, you are loved by God, your Maker. Help IS available. Choose to talk to someone, share your feelings and get help!

Are You Robed and Ready?

I see you dressed in white, every wrong made right, I see a rose in bloom at the sight of you...

Oh, so PRICELESS...

I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For He has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of His righteousness...

Heaven at Last... FINALLY HOME!

As I listened to Jack Graham's radio message last week entitled "Heaven at Last," he was reminding his listeners, Heaven's where the party is, not here like some may think. Heaven is not a place on Earth. The best thing of Earth is just an appetizer of Heaven. The very best yet awaits, but do we eagerly await it and the One who will make it the greatest thing we've ever experienced?

Graham's message also reminded me we won't be counting birthdays anymore.

Today, I can only think of what it represents to me and my family. Today is Clark David's birthday. He would've turned 22.  That no longer matters in Heaven. What matters is because of his spiritual birthday seventeen years ago, he is celebrating in his heavenly Home. I'm blessed to have been able to be his mom for nineteen years. God is the giver of every good and perfect gift

(James 1:17).

Heaven is beyond our imagination, but it's not beyond our contemplation. Snapshots of Heaven are given to us in Revelation through John when he was on the island of Patmos. Snapshots cannot compare to what it will actually be like. The Bible instructs us to set our affections on things above (Colossians 3:2). Jesus said to store up for yourselves things in Heaven (Matthew 6:20). He taught us to pray, Lord, Your Kingdom come. Knowing for certain where you're headed, to a life with Jesus in Heaven, makes this life all the better. It has the potential to give you a proper perspective and a passionate, bold reason for living here. We should embrace and eagerly expect eternity now. In Christ, we're already seated with Him in the heavenly realms (Ephesians 2:6). We should be anticipating our life with Christ every single day and looking for His return. Our hope of getting there should be like a little child expecting Christmas morning.

C.S. Lewis said, "I must make it my aim in life to press on to that other side and to help others do the same. Do you think about Heaven? Do you teach your children about Heaven? Do you even talk about it? We ought to speak of this wonderful place that is being prepared for God's children, often. There will be a new Heaven and a new Earth, a new Jerusalem (Revelation 21:1-2). A heavenly city, a community, filled with homes (John 14:2).

Our hearts usually long for home. No matter how great life is, there is an eager expectation, an excitement for the believer about going HOME. Even though you may have grown up in a place that wasn't thought of as a heavenly home, but more like Hell on Earth, the heavenly Home will be everything God intended the home and the family to be with all good and no bad at all. The point in life to the believer is Heaven is Home. You won't be leaving the party early or leaving anything behind when you pass on because the party is not here, but in Heaven!

There is rejoicing in Heaven with the angels when one sinner comes HOME (Luke 15:7). Clark David exited the wrong way, but God permitted it because He loves His children that much and He has ultimate control. We don't understand God's ways, but He is God and we aren't (Isaiah 55:8). He forgives all His children at the cross. CALVARY COVERS IT ALL. If we ever doubt His love for us all we have to do is look to the cross and that says it all, oh

      THE BEAUTY OF THE BLOOD.

Randy Alcorn said, "The day I die will be the best day I ever lived." We think so much of here is what's important. I'm seeing life so differently and realizing more and more each day how important it is to keep my focus on living in light of eternity. As Jack Graham says, Heaven will not be a long, boring church service. It will be a long, glorious worship experience. No sorrow, no disturbances, no more tears, and no more pain because no more sin. Sin is the curse that causes so much pain and grief. Sin will end and the waiting for anything will be over! A place where there is no time means no more impatience. 

Even in death there is life. God has called me through this devastation to tell others what He has done in my life and what He can do in yours. When you lose something or someone whatever it may be, it can change your perspective in a positive way if you turn to the Lord for help. His supply of mercy, grace, and peace is always in abundance. No one likes to be broken, but I'm learning that's how God remakes us. He is taking the broken things of life and remaking them into

SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL, 

He is making all things new (Revelation 21:5).

As I reflect on this day and what it means to me, I'm grateful for salvation and eternity in Heaven where there is only Greatness and Light. I'm still looking up everyday, waiting to hear that trumpet sound when the dead in Christ will rise first and we believers will be caught up in the air with the Lord to be with Him forever (1 Thessalonians 4:16). It will be a GLORIOUS UNFOLDING.

If somehow I could relay my thoughts to you, Clark David, I would tell you this: my heart aches to see and hear you again, for you to make me laugh. I love you so very much and you are missed! You're missed many times a day and thought of more than that. I know your pain is gone, but I'm left with mine (and everyone that loves you is too), but that's what keeps my focus on the only One who can bear my burden. I'm not healed, but I'm slowly healing by looking to the Great Healer and Comforter. He comforts me in many ways. He sends so many messages to me and speaks to my heart in so many different ways as I look for Him in every aspect of my life. Whether it's through nature, pink surprises, stories from others, love of people, special cards, Scriptures, or music,  He is always at work. When I least expect it, He surprises me again. His surprises come packaged in ways I'd never imagine. At Christmastime, He even led me to a picture of someone who must be your twin while I was watching television at two in the morning. I wasn't feeling well and went to watch a prerecorded Sunday message and I hit pause. To my astonishment, in front of me was an image of you! I was amazed. The person's hand and arm even reminded me of how you would hold yours up while singing in the kitchen. God's always making everything new. Even my memories. He was letting me know you're praising Him. There's no doubt in my mind, God allowed me to see that to show me that's what you're doing now, praising and singing to the Lord. And you aren't minding the wait. You don't know there is one.

The New Living Translation Bible says, I am overwhelmed with joy in the LORD my God! For He has dressed me with the clothing of salvation and draped me in a robe of righteousness. I am like a bridegroom in his wedding suit or a bride with her jewels (Isaiah 61:10).

"I see you dressed in white, every wrong made right...irreplaceable, unmistakable, incomparable

PRICELESS!

Are you robed and ready?

Jesus IS coming back...Have you accepted His free gift?

Music continues to bring solace to my healing heart.

My message through song is highlighted through links by clicking words in all caps.

"I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry...He put a new song in my mouth..." (Psalm 40:1-3).

We wait in hope for the LORD; He is our help and shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. May Your unfailing love be with us, LORD, even as we put our hope in You.

Psalm 33:20-22 

Psalm 63:3

Psalm 84:11

Psalm 86:12

If you are battling depression, addiction, or suicidal thoughts, please know YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

You are not weak for admitting your need for help! You are not a burden to anyone! Don't believe the lies in your head! You are loved, but most importantly, YOU ARE LOVED by God, your Maker. Help IS available. Choose to talk to someone, share your feelings, and get help now!