The Best is Yet to Come!!!

So, here we are in March again. March 1st Tess texted me, "This is my birthday month." I quickly texted back, "Oh, wow, yes, it is and Clark David's too (not that she is ever unaware). March 19th, Tess, who is the youngest child will turn 20. That's significant for me because I have three children, and only two who will reach 20. Tucker turned and passed 20, three years ago ;). I'm very grateful! But, as the song says that we sang at church Sunday, "He gives and takes away, He gives and takes away, my heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be Your name." Whatever happens, whether He (God) gives or takes away, my heart must and will choose to say:

 "BLESSED BE YOUR NAME."(click to hear song) 

As I paused to reflect on that Tess would soon be 20 and another child would make it out of teenage years, all of a sudden, I was like wait. Eight! When I posted about "new beginnings" October 5, 2022, that did not come to mind! Eight years after Clark David was born, God brought another baby into the world. Our first girl and last child. He blessed our family with Tess. After my middle child, Tucker was born, I wondered if I would only have two children. I was perfectly grateful and content with my two wonderful boys, but I didn't think that would be the end. However, not long after Tess was born those thoughts changed and I sensed our family was complete. And it was. I've not had any children since and am beyond child-bearing years ;).  

Don't mishear me, Tucker is just as much a gift and blessing in my life! He’s just as important to fulfill and serve the purposes of God. However, since Clark David and Tess were/are so similar in a lot of ways and struggled in much the same way, God showed me that eight years after my first birth there would be another "new beginning" with Tess. Clark David didn’t live to 20, but Tess would. I’m seeing that through his earthly death, the Lord is allowing her to live longer and her life to come more alive so to speak. Naturally, I couldn’t see that until looking back in the rear-view mirror of life. It reminded me of my October 2021 post about the kernel of wheat in the Gospel of John: 

 "God flips the natural order of things so that which dies, comes alive." 

Let me make this clear: A single grain of wheat will never be more than a single grain of wheat unless it drops into the ground and dies. Because then it sprouts and produces a great harvest of wheat --all because one grain died (John 12:24 TPT)."   

Recently, I sat in our living room with the view of the picture posted above, directly in front of me. Tess on the left, Clark David in the center, and Tucker on the right. You know they say a picture is worth a thousand words? Well, I know this one could easily be. I mentioned it being eight years since I had touched Clark David in the "In Loving Memory" post. As I gazed at each child, I couldn't help but think of how Clark David wasn't for touching. His left hand is straight down, not grasping Tess's and his right hand is barely even touching Tucker's! Tucker remembers that day vividly. He remembers Clark David not wanting to hold his hand (hold that thought...no pun intended:)). 

Then, I was drawn to their shadows. The 23rd Psalm came to mind. "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." I'm so grateful and it makes me hope all the more that because of the blood of Jesus Christ, sin and death are defeated for all eternity. For those in Christ, we walk through the shadow. Shadows are defined in Merriam-Webster 1828 as: the dark figure cast upon a surface by a body intercepting the rays from a source of light and partial darkness or obscurity within a part of space from which rays from a source of light are cut off by an interposed opaque body. We can see it's dark appearance on a surface but it's just an image. It can do nothing to harm us. Sadly, for those who aren't secure in the Father's love, that dark appearance that won't affect you on this side of Earth, will be a permanent reminder in Hell. You too though can come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ before it's too late. 

Next, I recalled something I read years ago but couldn't remember where. I tried to think for a minute, but just Googled it instead. I was pleasantly surprised. I quickly found it:

Barnhouse: The Shadow of Death

I remember hearing Dr. Donald Grey Barnhouse, pastor of the Tenth Presbyterian Church Philadelphia, relate about his first wife's death. He, with his children, had been to the funeral service, and he was driving home. Dr. Barnhouse said that he was trying to think of some words of comfort that he could give them. Just then a huge moving van passed them. As it passed, the shadow swept over the car, and as the truck pulled in front of them, an inspiration came to Dr. Barnhouse. He said, "Children, would you rather be run over by a truck, or by its shadow?" The children said, "Well, of course Dad, we'd much rather be run over by the shadow! That can't hurt us at all." Dr. Barnhouse said, "Did you know that two thousand years ago the truck of death ran over the Lord Jesus in order that only its shadow might run over us?" (Lou Nicholes Missionary/Author).

Christ would sooner lose His life than lose His people. He did die once to save them, and until He dies again, they shall never perish. Hath he not said Himself, Because I live ye shall live also?" Unless they live, He does not live. His life has entered into them, and it can never leave them. "I give," saith he, "unto my sheep eternal life"; and what can "eternal life" mean but a life which lasts on forever? The Valley of the Shadow of Death by Charles Spurgeon (click to read if you like)

Tess's birthday this year is significant because I see it as a milestone. I mentioned in a previous blog posted in October 2021 that our family went through some really hard things again. I'm positive anyone reading this has too. We all deal with life stuff of different degrees and levels and those two years with the pandemic was, say it with me, "unprecedented." I believe Almighty God used those years as wake-up calls to open eyes (those whose eyes could be opened) to many things. I know He was working uniquely in our family (as He was yours too) because He's always working whether it's realized or not. As hard as it was, it was answers to prayers prayed. 

Tess struggled! Yes, I know at times we all struggle with things, very hard things, but this was a "could've had a different outcome" struggle.  Things did not get better at all when she went off to college. Little did she know what lied ahead. We all make our own choices, but she was highly influenced by worldly, ungodly peers. She didn't recognize the enemy's tactics even though I had tried my best to teach her because of what I had learned about Satan and his master plan after losing Clark David. She compromised her faith in Jesus Christ. She stopped reading her Bible and was feeding the desires of the flesh. She, like Clark David (and any Christian truly living for the Lord), was in a spiritual battle for her mind to make her ineffective to serve the purposes of God. The devil could not touch her soul though, nor Clark David's because they are children of God. 

My greatest fear with Clark David going off to college (which never happened) was being influenced greater by the wrong crowd and being further conformed to the world's ways. I firmly believe God allowed what happened to rescue him, to save him from himself because of how great our Father's love is. But Tess. Sadly, my fear would come true with her. It's been surreal how similar their two lives have been. BUT GOD! Even though Tess has had to suffer consequences, she has repented, turned back to the Lord, been forgiven, and He is restoring and reviving her. He rebuked and chastened her and faithfully brought her back into relationship with Jesus. He literally brought her back home and she’s so grateful to be here. Clark David came back home too, but the stronghold of Satan was too powerful. BUT GOD! He is mightier and has the final say. Tess’s relocation thankfully was not Heaven yet. Though so heartbreaking still, I still praise God!

Two similar lives with different outcomes. He is not finished with her here. I've already experienced the other devasting outcome of losing a child to suicide and am still living in that aftermath so, that's why this birthday is so significant to me. I'm blessed and so grateful she is turning 20 on Sunday, March 19th!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Yes that's 20 exclamation marks) and she is here to be refined and used for God’s glory. Clark David is still being used in many ways I cannot fully see, yet! But one day soon I most definitely will. His earthly death has been and is being used as my tutor. Each life has a number of days allotted to it known only by Creator God and He tells us that in His Book. But don't take my word for it. Check the Author out...in His Holy Word the Bible.

"Who can wipe away the tears from broken dreams and wasted years and tell the past to disappear? Oh let me tell you 'bout MY JESUS." (click to hear song)

  Below the picture in the living room hangs a framed photo with the words, "We're All Just Walking Each Other Home," given to me by my sister-in-law. The "H" in Home is capitalized to represent Heaven. Home is Heaven where God sits on His throne ruling and reigning. I've seen quotes about family and home and gatherings just as you probably have. One in particular was, "Home is Where We Are." For me, I see Home as being where we will be.  I would say, "My Home is Heaven Where Jesus Is," and "My Home is a Place I've Never Been to Before." It's wonderful to have a God-given family to live life with and I'm grateful God has blessed me with one, but I know this Earth is not my home. I dwell here temporarily. This is just a blip on the radar compared to eternity. I'm just passing through. Yes, very difficult things happen here, but I know I will look back one day soon and they'll be a faraway memory. I'm patiently waiting when the Lord Jesus will be revealed and the new Heaven and new Earth will be ushered in. I'm anticipating when there will be no more sin, only real, biblical love, and Family. My whole Family. I'm separated from part of my family now and all of those in Christ are separated from Family until our Father God says it’s time. One day soon I will meet all my brothers and sisters in Christ I have never met and be with those I've already met. And will know them; truly know them and love them all the more. I'm anticipating a day where all wrongs will be made right and all will truly be well. Clark David will meet Maddy and know her because she is a daughter of the King and her future Home awaits too. I'm waiting for the day to see Jesus face to face and fall at His feet. I'm waiting for the day I will get to embrace (touch with my hands) Clark David and he won't mind at all!!!!!!!! Maybe we will hold hands and walk around in our eternal Home, where we belong...Family, all together praising our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ forever and ever.

I was in the middle of working on this post and wasn't sure about the title and if I would even finish writing it. I almost stayed home, but decided to go to Wednesday evening church. As I walked in the building and grabbed an outline off the wall, I read the title as I always do. We've been in a series on spiritual disciplines and what do ya know, "Discipline of Suffering!!!!!" was the title with five exclamation marks. Moments after it began Pastor Malcolm said, "The Best is Yet to Come." I thought yes, Lord, that's exactly what You’ve told me too and prompted me to title this post. This suffering is all temporary in Christ Jesus. And Romans 8:18 says, "For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us (KJV). As Pastor said that night, "The believer does not focus on today's sufferings; he looks forward to tomorrow's glory. 

Click to listen to Pastor Malcolm on Discipline Of Suffering - YouTube 

                                     Click to listen to Rick Burgess on Redemption from Revelation.

Click to listen to "Why Do We Suffer" Rick Burgess 

For all things are for your sakes, that grace, having spread through many, may cause thanksgiving to abound to the glory of God. Therefore, we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. (2 Corinthians4:15-18).

But the God of grace, who hath called us unto His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you (1 Peter 5:10)

Heaven is still only heartbeats away. The grave is still temporary housing. God is still faithful. 

--Max Lucado, "you'll get through this"

"WE'RE ALMOST HOME" (song)

 

Happy 9th Heavenly Year

Your Cherry Tree in Full Bloom 
3.14.23

We celebrated you Tuesday, March 14 and got one of your favorites, Great American Cookie Cake, lit candles, and sang to you. You are greatly loved and missed!

 I love and miss you so very much and cannot wait for when I meet Jesus, and we are reunited together as Family for all eternity!!!

Our soul waits for the LORD; He is

 our help and our shield. 

For our heart shall rejoice in Him, 

Because we have trusted in His holy name. 

Let Your mercy, O LORD, be upon us, Just as we hope in You (Psalm 33:20-22).

P.S. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND READING OR LISTENING TO Sherri Burgess's book titled, "Bronner: A Journey to Understand. It is an excellent biblically sound book that speaks on suffering, why we suffer, and the purpose of it. It's a one-of-a-kind book on grief.

I asked Tess if I could write a little about her story. She gave her approval with a quick "meow." That may be odd to anyone who reads this. Tess knows she is a human being and not a cat, but anyone who knows her knows she loves her cats (Angel and Heidi) and our dog (Moose) who bring such comfort. When she doesn't feel like talking or wants to be silly and greet family, that's what she does and we're okay with it☺.

In Loving Memory of Those Who are No Longer with Us 
But Forever in Our Hearts

 If you wind up here, I pray the Lord use this to speak to you in some way, but this is really to help me and to be obedient to what I feel the Holy Spirit leads me to do.

 For reasons not known to me, it seems I'm compelled to write on the anniversary of Clark David's earthly death and birthday's more than other times. It's like it forces or propels me to get out what's on my mind. It's partially therapeutic, however I do feel called by God to write. And it’s amazing how He affirms that to me. 

 I wanted to publish this particular post before the other three I posted last October (2022), but honestly, I didn't want anyone that might read this that knows me (it's not like many people probably read this anyway and that's okay!) to think my focus at Tucker's wedding was missing Clark David. Clark David's absence was a fact and I missed him. But that was not my focus. Loss can make life difficult to navigate through sometimes. I posted about the excitement of Tucker's wedding and two other posts right after that that easily flowed out. But I hadn't yet written what had been on my heart so heavy concerning the emptiness I felt and conflicts that arose only a few people new about that weekend. Do I have to write about that? No! But do I keep feeling prompted to? Yes! Like I mentioned, it's for me, but maybe for other purposes I don't know about. And when I say "emptiness," I'm not talking about completely feeling empty like containing nothing. I'm talking about marked by the absence of human life. The absence of my son's life at such a monumental time.

Sometime last year prior to the wedding, I listened to one of Rick Burgess' Wednesday Bible studies and he referenced the number eight, its significance in God's Word, and its meaning of "new beginnings." I cannot recall if I'd heard that before, but upon hearing it at that specific time, I became keenly aware of what it meant to me. Naturally, I knew I was in year eight without Clark David because if I made it to October 6, 2022, it would be eight full years since I'd seen his handsome face. Eight years since I'd seen his smile that lit up his face. Eight years of not hearing his voice. Eight plus years of not touching him because that didn't happen often. Eight whole years of not seeing his human body and missing him (every day). Period!!!!!!!! So, having heard that about the number enlightened me. I was led to write about it in my October 5, 2022 post, specifically about the more monumental things like Tucker getting married and DJ coming into Tess's life which I saw as "new beginnings" for our family since our tragedy of "losing" Clark David. Of course, life goes on whether we want it to or not. That's beside the point. And I do want it to go on, it's just a different type of going on. I know I don't have a choice in the matter and wouldn't change it even if I could. Each day is one day closer to Home for me. And "Father knows best” (haha a sitcom in the 70's ;). But my Father does know best! God was showing me in small and big ways, both physically and spiritually, that "new beginnings" were happening. Not to mention that DJ came to a saving knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ and was born-again!  A glorious "new beginning." Brand new. All glory be to Christ!!!!!!!!

As I excitedly anticipated Tucker's wedding, especially as it got closer, I was so grateful the Lord allowed Maddy to be the bride Tucker chose. It was bittersweet for me though. Clark David wasn't here to witness and be a part of this significant event in our family's life. I missed him not getting to witness his little brother get married to his best friend, Maddy. It hurt to know, this side of eternity, he would never meet her and get to know her. I wanted him to know he is still in my heart (of course never to part). I wanted him to know I wore my silver pendant of his thumb print (given to me by Beth Evans who lost her son before me) dangling from my pearl bracelet in his memory. His grandmother got my attention before we walked down the aisle and showed me, she too had her bracelet on :). I wanted him to know I missed him being in the wedding. I wanted him to know there was a memory table with a picture of him and Tucker displayed that Tucker hand-picked. The bridesmaid's and I got to view the memory table together and that was a touching moment. I want him to know, no one has forgotten; life just goes on. I mean I know I cannot tell him that and there's no need to even if I could. It's all handled by Almighty God; His fingerprints are dangling all over it.

During Rick's Bible study, he also talked about similar feelings and thoughts he had in regard to the loss of his two-year old son. He talked about how he was watching his older son play in a baseball game. As his son rounded the base and he saw the back of his jersey with "Burgess" on it, it resonated with him that he would never get to see his son, Bronner, play baseball (not that that was Rick's focus of his son's life). As he watched, it's as if he heard the Lord say to him, "Bronner was never going to play baseball or do any of the other things you wished he would." In that moment, for me, I thought yes, that's right. God knew the number of Clark David's days, and nothing can thwart that allotted time. Nothing. God is completely 100 percent sovereign. That is a fundamental truth of the character of God. Clark David was never supposed to be on Earth at this time nor anytime passed October 6, 2014. Period. I had already come to that knowledge and accepted it, but hearing Rick share his heart brought me comfort and it was so timely. 

Also, side note... no one or nothing is to blame. Like if we can find someone or something to blame it might somehow make us feel better to have a concrete answer. No! The secret things belong to God it says in Deuteronomy 29:29 and His ways are beyond finding (look it up, don't take my word for it). But isn't that what we can do many times?! Play God and then try to blame? Just like Adam and Eve in the Garden with their Father God. Eve blamed the serpent God made. And Adam blamed God for giving him a woman. God is God. Do you ever cross paths with people who think they know the secret things? Like things only God can know? How prideful we human beings are. The Bible says, which is the truth of what God says because it's God-breathed (2 Timothy 3:16). He works all things according to the counsel of His will (Ephesians 1:11). All things according to the counsel of His will.  Not my will, nor yours, or what anyone else thinks (will), but His will! Sometimes it's not His perfect will but is His permissive will. It's still His will. As Nancy Guthrie said in her book, has anyone stopped to blame sin? Newsflash: Through one man Adam sin came into the world. Sin is to blame for what we try to blame others for. 

Just prior to the actual wedding ceremony in hot, sweltering July, the bride, clothed in her wedding dress was standing in a field of tall grass for a photo shoot. I noticed from a distance as I peered out of the plate glass windows in the bridal suite that the photographer seemed to be messing with the layers of tulle on Maddy's dress a lot. When Maddy returned to the suite, though still beautiful, she was glistening with perspiration and quickly squealed but not with delight. "Get them out, get them out!" While in the field, those lovely layers of delicate white tulle had invaded some tiny, green critters habitat...grasshoppers! And they did what grasshoppers do. Hopped right on up in the underside of her dress. She needed them out, and quickly! The ceremony was fast approaching. I know those grasshoppers naturally shifted Maddy's focus momentarily because she could feel them and those tiny critters no doubt made her anxious and perspire some more. However, help came to the rescue as we quickly squashed them, and time was on her side to cool off. They could've wreaked a little more havoc by causing us to spend extra time exterminating them if Maddy would have had to remove her dress. No doubt that would've caused more anxiety and perspiration due to time constraints, but that didn't happen. And Maddy did not let that upset her. She seemed calm, collected, and cool (thanks also to the air conditioning). 

 Even though it was such a wonderful time, and I enjoyed preparing for the rehearsal dinner and festivities centered around the wedding, there were things happening behind the scenes to try and "shift my point of view." Before Clark David passed away there were a couple of special Scriptures I held dear and still do. One was Revelation 21:5 about how God is making all things new. And He is. But after my world was shaken by his earthly death, John 10:10 became pronounced to my spiritual eyes.

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly (John 10:10).

When all was over and everything settled down after the wedding, I had time to reflect on the kindness and goodness of my heavenly Father and His faithfulness to me. God used those little critters as a picture to show me that's just what the devil does. He tries to get us focused on something other than where our focus should be. He's always trying to wreak so much havoc in Christians lives. We have to learn his tactics and be aware of his M. O. "Satan does not tempt us just to make us do wrong things -- he tempts us to make us lose what God has put into us through regeneration, namely, the possibility of being of value to God. He does not come to us on the premise of tempting us to sin, but on the premise of shifting our point of view and only the Spirit of God can detect this as a temptation of the devil," (quote taken My Utmost for His Highest-September 18 His Temptation and Ours, Oswald Chambers). 

The Holy Spirit is my Helper. He continues to help me to see a different perspective as I keep in step with Him. I can only keep in step with Him when I obey Him and feed my Spirit and starve my flesh. My flesh, just like yours, wants what it wants. My flesh can also get angry when it shouldn't or have bad thoughts that it shouldn't. I have to ask the Lord to help me have self-control as Galatians 5:23 says. I'm still learning to recognize the enemy's tactics and not react but respond differently. Anything or anyway he can, he tries to lure us to believe his lies and steer us in another direction which can easily tempt us to let our emotions be the engine that fuels our focus. There's nothing wrong with expressing God-given emotions in a God honoring way. He gave them to us for His purposes, but as I've heard my sister say, "Emotions make bad bus drivers." We’re either a conduit for the enemy or a conduit for the Holy Spirit. A conduit for the devil was used to get to me flustered and in a pit just moments before walking down the aisle for Tucker's wedding. As hard enough as it was without Clark David (for me), the enemy did not deter me or steal one bit of my joy that day. BUT GOD! He fights my battles and quickly came to my rescue. Praise Him!!

God was bringing a male and female together through Holy Matrimony to be husband and wife, so it was a time for celebration of what the Triune God was joining together. Another side note...God does not bring a male and male or female and female together as one. That is not what God says marriage is, therefore, it's not a marriage. It's actually blasphemy against a holy God, but I digressed. The reason I mentioned John 10:10 is because anytime the Lord is moving, the devil's on the hunt. Which is all the time basically. Scripture says our adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walks about seeking whom he may devour (1 Peter 5:8). The Lord helped me to dodge the darts of the enemy. He helped me be sober (well balanced and self-disciplined). Satan or his minions tried to take so much from me that weekend it was mind boggling. He's already tried to take so much. Key word is "tried." See, he didn't succeed, he didn't pounce on me, and he hasn't succeeded. By. The. Way. In God's economy, God always has a countermove. Just look at the cross! Satan will soon be squashed forever.

Yes, Satan is the prince of the ruler of the air (Ephesians 2:2), but he has to get permission from Headquarters before he can touch anyone or anything. God has Satan on a leash. The enemy couldn't get me focused on Clark David not being present, so he went another route. Unless someone has very good discernment, it would've been unrecognizable. Most of those closest to me were aware of what was going on, but praise God, the bride and groom were not until days later. The enemy thought he had one up his sleeve, but his plan failed. Backfired! In the book of James in the Bible it says, "Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you (James 4:7). It worked. I submitted. The devil fled. He is a defeated foe. He can wreak havoc all he is allowed to, but God had and has my back. He will always supply my every need when I submit to Him and draw near and keep my eyes where they need to be...on Him...looking to the Author and Finisher of my faith.

All glory be to Christ!!!

God still has His secrets--hidden from "wise and learned" (Luke 10:21).

Do not fear these unknown things, but be content to accept the things you cannot

understand and to wait patiently. In due time He will reveal the treasures of the

unknown to you--the riches of the glory of the mystery. Recognize that the mystery 

is simply the veil covering God's face. --Selected from "streams in the desert" March 14

So, don't get ahead of the Master and jump to conclusions with your judgments before all evidence is in. When he comes, he will bring out in the open and place in evidence all kinds of things we never even dreamed of--inner motives and purposes and prayers. Only then will any one of us get to hear the "Well done!" of God (1 Corinthians 4:5, The Message Bible).