"Memories: Let Them fill Your Mind,
Warm Your Heart and See You through"

Wow! I was wonderfully surprised this afternoon before our family headed out to dinner to gather in memory of Clark David. When Tess got home from work today (October 6) she came to find me, her smiling face appearing with a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a card in the other. In Tess style, she wanted me to read the card in front of her. I admired the colorful baby roses first and thanked her for them. I knew before I asked that the store-bought card was chosen simply because of the butterfly and what it represents to me, and that the word "memories" underneath made it the perfect one to pick for her written words for me. After "getting through" her heartfelt poem and prayer, I asked if I could share it. She nodded, yes:

                                            "Her baby was entrusted to her,

a gift she took with great delight,

19 years of laughter, 19 years of joy.

When he was taken from her, a part of her was too.

How could life continue?

(Stopping to wipe tears so I could see)

Some days she couldn't help but

feel her heart had been forsaken.

I pray God blesses her on the days 

she feels like breakin'.

Help her rise each time she falls.

Lord, send Your angels to be ever near

and dry her every tear.

(Stopping again)

On the days her own strength can't carry her, 

she lifts her burdens to the Lord.

He carries her on wings like eagles.

With Him she will continue to soar.

One day she will meet with her son again,

eternity of laughter, eternity of joy,

forever with her Savior and son.

And when it's been 10,000 years,

the days will still have just begun!

Oh, what joy awaits.

Help her heart to be patient, give her strength

even when she feels like breakin'.

For my beautiful Mama, a blessing she will always be,

I'll love her for all eternity.

I love you, Mama. I pray your heart doesn't ever grow weary because you have the assured hope of seeing your Lord and Savior & son, forever one day. Love, Tess

How could she know what my heart has never uttered? She's 19. She's never had a child. She has lots of wisdom and discernment though. It's like she wrote down what's inside my vulnerable heart that I couldn't. She expressed what my heart as felt and experienced. She verbalized what I haven't even written. I explained how waiting is one of the hardest things in life, but in Christ there is much reward. I thank You, Lord for covering me in Your cloud of grace and strengthening me with patience when I need it most. 

Loss doesn't get better with time. It doesn't get easier. No, it's not as grueling, so in that sense it's "better," but it's not better. Chad agreed as he said, "It's not like it was eight years ago." I agreed to that. That's definitely true. No one wants to go back to that kind of heart-wrenching day. The only way for me to describe it is, it's just different. Each birthday, each holiday, each anniversary is, well, different. Maybe Merriam-Webster 1828 can help me describe it. Different - partly or totally unlike in nature, form, or quality: dissimilar: not the same. All true. Different doesn't mean it's over, it doesn't mean I'm healed, it doesn't mean I don't think about it and him a lot. I'm not empty. I have joy and many good days and I'm grateful for much, but emptiness is present. God is so incredibly faithful as I sense His presence and nearness during more difficult days. I told Tess today, "God knew I would need a baby girl last." What a wonderful blessing and special lovingkindness from my precious daughter today. I'm always grateful for any family and friends who text or call and pray! The ones that say they've prayed all day!! It means a lot to be loved and remembered through prayer. Laura had a special text to me about Clark David's "laborious" tasks at their house when he worked for her husband Kenny. Oh, how I can just see and almost hear him...definitely funny memories to treasure. Thank You Father God...period. 

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new (2 Corinthians 5:17). 

"When Jesus comes, He will honor the request of those 

who refused Him and dismiss them for eternity.

Then He will bless the desire of those who accepted Him

and gather them for a family reunion."

 --Max Lucado, "You'll Get Through This" Devotional Calendar October 8